By Marlene

You’ve no doubt heard it said that the way to make God laugh is to tell him your plans. From age 18 on, I planned to find a husband and raise a family. Even though I went to college to become a teacher, I always figured I would be pregnant a few years after teaching and would happily leave the classroom for the nursery.

God must have chuckled indeed over what He had in store for me–a lifetime of teaching other people’s children and never having one of my own. He never ever saw fit to send me a husband….although he sent a few not-so-promising specimens my way.

Over the years, 
I’ve managed to accept my singleness. Yes, there are gentle tugs at my heart whenever I see a woman holding her child in her arms. And yes, I look with envy upon happily married couples. But, I’ve learned to focus on what I have, rather than what I don’t have.

I console myself with examples of friends whose marriages didn’t work out, or acquaintances who give birth to children with desperate needs. Not every family is a perfect family and many require sacrifices I’m not sure I would be capable of making.

Instead, I’ve focused my energies on developing my business, the Center for Professional Development (recently sold to a colleague). It has provided me with many opportunities to travel, to meet interesting people, and to live comfortably.

My work led to book-writing. So far, I’ve written 60 and I’m still going strong. I realize I probably could not have had the career I’ve enjoyed if I had taken time to raise a family. Life, after all, is essentially a trade-off.

Admittedly, I sometimes feel a longing for companionship from the opposite sex (to say nothing of the last word in that prepositional phrase), but I try to remember how fortunate I am to have sisters, a brother, and very good friends. While I actually prefer being 
alone most of the time, I satisfy my social needs by entertaining. I like “clustered” dinner parties, and typically invite a cluster of people who have similar interests.

To illustrate, I recently held a “felini-tea,” at which tea and crumpets /scones/cucumber sandwiches were served. Every guest was asked to bring some way to introduce her feline to the rest of us cat-lovers. There were poems, and paintings, and stories. One woman actually had a PowerPoint presentation!

Another party was a “hospitali-tea.” Guests came with stories of being treated very hospitably at some point in their lives. (One told of a time that she arrived late at a friend’s house but went in, and slept on the couch, as planned. In the morning, she was awakened by a strange man who wanted to know what she was doing there. After learning she had entered the wrong house, he called the intended-hostess and assured her, “Any friend of yours is a friend of mine. Come over. I’ll cook you both breakfast!”)

I no longer tell God my plans but I do thank Him for the unplanned joys of my life.

By Susan Spencer

There are times in one’s life when you get an incredible opportunity to prove to others that you are smart, professional, and unflappable. This was one of those times. 

After graduating college, I taught junior high school for five years, had a child, left my husband, started a business, and in my late thirties graduated law school. Having been away from my home town since college, Villanova Law School brought me back to Philadelphia. Once I graduated law school, I divided my professional time: working as a corporate lawyer with a Philadelphia law firm and as the attorney for Philadelphia Eagles. 

My dad owned the Philadelphia Eagles and hired me as the team’s lawyer (replacing the services of a very expensive Philadelphia law firm) because my rate was a real bargain. I jumped at the chance to represent the team because I considered this an opportunity of a lifetime.

During my first two years at the Eagles, I began looking into the team’s contracts and financial records and made it a point to report my observations to my father—even though he always seemed disinterested. One day, out of the blue—without any advance notice, my dad fired the team’s General Manager. He then called me in to his office and told me to fire the rest of the GM’s staff.

So here I was, the acting GM of the Philadelphia Eagles and running the day-to-day team business. My position was never made public, however, and would never be made official because my father wasn’t comfortable having a woman at the helm. To him, and many men of his generation, women belonged at home taking care of the house and children.

So why did he hire me? Because I was in the right place at the right time and all else being equal, family generally trumps strangers. 

My new position gave me the chance to run a multimillion-dollar business and to demonstrate that I could successfully manage the organization as a businesswoman, and make the team profitable.

Like my father, the team always traveled in style. When they played on the road, in a city more than a few hours away from Philadelphia by bus—about five times during the regular season—they traveled on a jumbo jet. This luxury plane could fly nonstop from Philadelphia to California and carried not only the coaches and players but also members of the press and numerous friends of friends. Sure, it was nice . . . but it was a huge expense that the Eagles could ill afford.

One of the first financial cuts I made as acting GM was to contract with a smaller, regional carrier for a plane whose size would accommodate only team personnel.

Saving money was a new concept to the players, who assumed that sports teams had unlimited budgets when it came to spending money on them. They quickly learned that the “sky” was not the limit and that cutting expenses would become the new norm. They grumbled unhappily as they climbed aboard the small plane for the first time. But their displeasure was nothing compared to my father’s.

“You’re embarrassing me!” he muttered under his breath as he settled into his seat next to me on the first flight, which was destined for San Diego. I knew there was nothing I could say or do to console him, so I kept my mouth shut, my eyes straight ahead, and waited for the next shoe to drop . . . which it did, a few hours into the flight, when the plane began its descent over North Dakota to refuel.

“What the hell is this?!” my father roared, his outrage echoing among the rest of the passengers.

Once the plane was on the ground, the team was instructed to deplane and wait in the small airport lounge, where they could stretch their legs and make phone calls. Their grumbling leaving the plane was even louder than it had been boarding the plane. I dared not look at my father, whose slow burn was about to explode into a wildfire.

As I left the plane, I didn’t head for the lounge but stayed nearby, waiting to pull the rabbit out of my hat: carts filled with large cartons of Baskin-Robbins ice cream, oozing containers of hot fudge, and bowls full of bananas, whipped cream, sprinkles, nuts, and more were wheeled up to the plane’s steps. When everyone returned to the plane and saw the sweet extravaganza before them, they started hooting and applauding loudly. Giant scoops of ice cream and toppings were shoveled into large plastic bowls and carried onboard. Fifteen minutes later, the plane took off… and everyone was smiling.

If I had told my father or any of the coaches or players that I was going to trade their jumbo jet for a jumbo ice cream sundae*, they would have laughed in my face.

Yes, a spoonful of sugar does help the medicine go down, and yes, the way to a man’s heart is often through his stomach—old sayings familiar to everyone. But women take them seriously, which is why this creative idea could only have come from a woman. 

Not every change I made as acting general manager went over as well. I raised ticket prices for the first time in six years gaining the enmity of most hard-core fans. When I replaced the jumbo jet with a smaller plane the press could not hop a free ride on the team plane. That, combined with a necessary cost-saving move to serve hot dogs in place of filet mignon at press luncheons held at the Eagle’s stadium (Veteran’s Stadium), earned me a new media title—“The Wicked Witch of the Vet.” 

Looking back now, it’s comical, but at the time, it was very hurtful. 

When you hang in there and maintain your professionalism—despite the personal attacks, it becomes a real blessing in the long run.  You realize that no matter what else is thrown at you—you have the inner strength to shake it off. This awareness fills you with a new-found confidence in your skills and talents.

A year later the Eagles were sold and I left the world of football. I finally found my calling in the food business. For twenty years, as an entrepreneur, I bought and sold companies and never looked back.

See how Susan answers the Identity Five Questions:

What have you accepted within yourself and/or within your life? Is there anything you are working on accepting?

Learning to have the confidence in my skills and talents.

What do you appreciate about yourself or your life?

Being blessed with a wonderful husband(3rd try), daughter, and grandchildren in my life. 

What have you achieved, or what are you working to achieve personally, physically, or mentally?

Surviving and succeeding in male-dominated industries during my career and being able to have a book published about them. 

What is your not-so-perfect way?

Being patient.

How would you complete the phrase “I Love My…?”

…freedom to pursue my passion, helping women realize their unique and special skills.

Susan T. Spencer is an entrepreneur, award-winning author of BriefcaseEssentials, lawyer, and former minority owner, GM and VP of the Philadelphia Eagles Football Franchise.  Spencer has spent the last 25 years owning and running her own companies in exclusively male dominated industries after turning her back on the “corporate world.”  Her stories and examples are authentic, and her advice for women in business, who own a company, or who are thinking about starting a business is direct, practical, pioneering, and barrier breaking. Spencer attended Boston University. She later received her MA in Education/Economics from Hofstra University and received her law degree from Villanova University. Susan can be reached at SUSANTSPENCER1@aol.com.

*The ice cream sundae story described above is an excerpt from Briefcase Essentials, Copyright@ 2011 Susan T. Spencer

Please hand in your belongings and go to Personnel

My husband and I were very excited. We just bought our first house.  We had a little girl and life was good.  My husband’s career was moving on a successful trajectory.  I gave notice to my job in NYC and started looking in New Jersey.  I was confident in my abilities and landed a job fairly quickly.  It was five minutes from home and they even had an onsite daycare center!  I could visit my daughter during my lunch hour; which was very comforting for me as young mom who was reluctant to have strangers watch her daughter.

My daughter and I settled into a routine and she adjusted socially without any issues.  I was thinking how fortunate I was to have a job and my daughter doing so well.  But then she got sick, A LOT. She finally got the Chicken Pox and she had to be out of the center for at least 7-10 days until she was no longer contagious.  I freaked out.  I didn’t know anybody who could watch Allie and all our family lived in New York.   I had no choice but to call in sick where I used my sick days and then some.

I was a nervous wreck and concerned what my employer would think.  I went to work on the weekends, catching up on work.  I thought this was good, I was responsible, got the work done, and did it on my time.  WRONG.  I came to work on one Monday and I was asked to hand in my belongings!

I was initially shocked, upset, and then, just plain angry.  Why did this happen to me?

So, after some soul searching, I learned that I was ultimately responsible for what happened.  It was a humbling experience.  I was determined to learn from this.  There are a number of things I could have done differently.

• Listened to my inner voice, female intuition and acted on it.
• Contacted Employee Assistance Program (EAP) and spoke with a counselor that could coach me through a discussion with my manager or HR.
• Had a discussion with my manager or HR to discuss the situation, explain alternative solutions to getting the job done, and express concern about my absenteeism.
• Contacted a local municipality to see if they had any resources.
• Contacted a local church to see if they knew of anyone that watched children.
• Had emergency back-up care in place; Mom or Dad for the week.
• Had a support system of friends to guide me through, to give advice or to provide moral support aka networking!

This all makes sense now from the perspective of hindsight and experience.  I made the decisions that led to my firing based on who I was at the time. It’s hard to say whether or not these actions would have made a difference.  Back then, resources and advice for working parents were scarce and many employers weren’t quite supportive.  But the lesson learned is the act of seeking out advice and developing the support system.

What can you do if you find yourself in this situation? • Call your benefits department and find out what benefits / resources are available, in particular, EAP, Resource and Referral Agencies (R&R), and Emergency Back-Up Care.  EAPs have counselors that you can speak with in confidence and coach you.  R&R will do the research for you and find care in the area, if it’s available.  Emergency Back-Up Care is a service that provides care when your regular care falls through. • Tap into your support system of friends, family, coaches, mentors and ask for advice.  Chances are they know someone who has gone through it. • Ask the Identity experts!  Ask me! There are resources abound. • Talk to HR and try to come up with a solution together about how to address the problem. Maybe you can work from home temporarily or try an alternative schedule.  What other leave programs does your company have?  See if you’re eligible for the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) that guarantees time off up to 12 weeks to care for a family member.  There are state FMLA provisions that vary from state to state too. • Use your accrued time – some companies have Paid Time Off (PTO) banks of time with no restrictions on how and when to use the days. • Find a company that is family-friendly and found out how they support their employees. • Search the internet.  It is an amazing resource and at your fingertips.

So, you may say that these tips are all well  and good but how effective are they when we are in the worse economic downfall since the Depression?   Guess what?  These tips are fundamental and valid even in bad times. So, you may ask, do I risk rocking the boat by being so proactive??   Only you can answer that question.  Only you can determine what is important to you. If being in a company that is supportive, understands your value and respects you as a person is important, then you will seek companies with a similar culture.

I believe that it is important and that is why I consult with corporations on how to develop strategies and programs that support employees while saving money for employers. And in my free time I mentor women in their careers.  Ironically being fired was the best thing that ever happened to me for my career.  I developed a passion for work/life and made a profession out of it.  I learned to accept that I made a mistake, to appreciate that I could learn from it and to achieve by helping others along the way.

Our next topic will be on Career Transitions with this time of the year where millions are graduating.  I thought it would appropriate to highlight the transition from New Graduate to the Real World.

I love my job. In it, I use all of the skills gleaned since my first job as a teenager.  The strange thing is, where I am now professionally is the result of a painful career transition. The shift pushed me to redefine my mission and life goals after leaving a television station where I had what some considered a “dream job.” As a reporter, show host and producer, I relished the opportunity to meet powerbrokers.  I later became over-the-top ecstatic when the station manager called a meeting to discuss a new, half-hour Sunday morning show. After that meeting, panic and fear set in.  Was I equipped to handle the task, I asked myself. As a dyed-in-the-wool advocate “for the people,” hosting a show about community issues was ideal.  I developed a vision for the program.  Not only would it include discussions with local heroes and she-roes, but also celebrity guests. The inaugural show featured my first interview with Dr. Maya Angelou (I’ve had 3 since then).  The program with the author, “global renaissance woman” and President Clinton’s inaugural poet set the tone for more than 10 years of fascinating interviews with actors such as Halle Berry, Danny Glover and Whoopi Goldberg; entertainers B.B. King, Ben Vereen, Aretha Franklin, Eartha Kitt and Smokey Robinson; authors Terry McMillan, Dr. Derrick Bell, bell hooks; and civil rights activist John Lewis.  I interviewed 100 trailblazers in entertainment, education and business.

Fast forward to 2002.  That’s when I was hit with a transition that pushed me into redefining my identity and seeking a new career direction. Work as a freelancer had been satisfying.  My contacts in the business tapped me for many and varied assignments. But little did I know the impact of an upcoming project looming on the horizon.

I was contracted to produce a documentary about the history of my hometown.  In the research process, I stumbled across a little-known, unreported story about the courage, sacrifice and determination of runaway slaves escaping plantations in Georgia, Alabama and other parts of the south. The escapees established in 1812 a safe haven near my community. They called it Angola. The settlers thrived until their community was torched. This 1800’s “Rosewood” story doesn’t end with death, destruction and despair. Some of the men, women and children survived a fiery raid in 1821, made their way to south Florida and crossed the dangerous gulfstream to land in Red Bays on Andros Island in The Bahamas. Again, faced with transition, they overcame and their descendants are alive today.

The story of Angola had a profound impact.  I don’t use that term lightly.  The message to me: “Never, never give up” and “find a way, make a way.” I heard the mantra morning, noon and in my sleep.  Sometimes, it kept me awake.  The message of determination, enterprise and survival played over and over in my head, offering a healing tone.  It encouraged me when I lacked direction and struggled to find career satisfaction.

The message took such a hold that I decided the Angola story needed to be told.  Encased in dusty journals and scholarly papers, it was known only to a few scholars, but its lessons about how to deal with transitions was especially applicable for me and would be for countless others.   I set out to produce a documentary short.  Soon, the project ballooned into a multi-disciplinary effort that now includes underground and underwater archaeology (to find artifacts of the lost settlement), public lectures, historical research, a website, educational programs for teachers and students in a tri-county school district, a documentary and a cultural exchange program between American and Bahamian students.

I’ve raised more than $400,000 in grants, in-kind contributions and organized a team of scholars in history, archaeology and anthropology to preserve the history of Angola.  A $500,000 archaeology lab is now under construction on the New College of Florida campus, a direct result of the project. Florida Congressman Tony Hill is working to make Red Bays a cultural tourism destination and list it as a site on the Underground Railroad.

Just when the Angola project was gaining momentum and garnering local, regional, national and international media attention (the BBC carried a story in English and Portuguese), I was asked to plan an event for an energetic, new college president with a boat load of ideas about how to save his alma mater, a sinking ship when it came to student enrollment and staff morale.  The Florida history scholar heard about my Angola work and in July, 2006 requested that I join his leadership team after the freelance assignment was completed.

I had no plans to leave a new home, my independent projects, work hours I could set, as well as the incredible fulfillment derived from “Looking for Angola.”  The project plugged the hole in my heart. But I accepted the job at Fort Valley State University, not knowing the U.S. economy was about to tank.  The Angola project came with me.  I organized it, wrote grants and coordinated the schedules of 5 scholars after hours and long weekends between Georgia and Florida.  Be flexible.  It’s an Angola lesson that had become all too familiar.

The job as marketing director at Fort Valley State University is rewarding. I’m using every skill I learned in life about public relations, marketing, promotions and advertising.  Student enrollment has almost doubled since the new president and team arrived.  New building construction has increased dramatically.  FVSU is on a roll now, and I’m proud to say I had something to do with it.  I manage a small staff and have access to the president who allows me freedom to develop and execute marketing plans and programs as I see fit (given my budget).  I had no idea that a painful career transition and reinvention would point me in the direction I needed to go next.  I wouldn’t have complained, gotten aggravated and fretted so much if I only could have seen my destiny.