By Heather

About three years ago, I decided I’d had enough with food taking over my life. Even if I ate well, the thoughts about food and weight dominated and didn’t leave room for what I really wanted out of life – connecting with friends and family, a fulfilling career and a long-term, healthy romantic relationship. I remember the day it changed.

I had just gone to a Music-in-the-Park event with friends and I left early because I was feeling nauseous. When I got home, I started eating sweets and was soon struck by how irrational my behavior was. I became willing to do whatever I needed to do to get my life back.

I started attending support group meetings and acknowledged that – contrary to popular advice – I couldn’t handle eating sweets in moderation. I was simply a sugar addict. I gave up eating sweet dessert items and miraculously didn’t feel it was the huge sacrifice I’d anticipated. I realized sweets provided no true happiness in my life. That kind of joy was always fleeting, only to be quickly replaced by misery. I gained real satisfaction from connecting with loved ones, being of service to others and taking good care of myself. About nine months down the road, I took things a step further by seeing a dietician. I added fruits and veggies to my diet, removed processed foods and adhered to reasonable portion sizes. I learned to deal with my feelings without using food and was able to lose about 30 pounds in just under a year.

In the past, when I was upset or down on myself, I would plan compulsively. I’d obsessively outline my food for the next week, calculating calories and how many pounds I could lose if I worked out vigorously each day. Inevitably, I would not stick to my plan since it felt like a punishment and then I’d feel even worse. My new approach meant letting go of that need to control everything. Although I wasn’t religious and wasn’t sure about the notion of God, I took a more spiritual approach, praying and asking the universe for help, choosing to do the next right thing rather than planning 10 steps ahead. I became more gentle with myself, acknowledging that I was valuable despite my shortcomings. I knew that beating myself up only lead to more destructive behavior with food. I realized I’d been wishing my life away living for the future, so I tried to stay in the present moment. I also took this time to work through some of the difficult issues from my past that were holding me back. I attended therapy sessions, journaled, and learned from others who’d traveled a similar path.

A couple years after this journey began, I went on a date with Paul. I was able to be more open than I’d been in the past and I was able to (mostly) reign in my need to plan and predict the future. Now we’ve been together over a year and I’m so happy that I did the work I needed to do on myself before meeting him. Like all couples, we have our ups and downs, but Paul is my best friend and we’re able to talk to each other about anything. Now, instead of dwelling on what’s wrong, Paul and I share three things we’re grateful for every night before bed. It’s helped me to realize that even “bad” days have good sides and that I need to focus on the positive. Whatever I focus on seems to magnify, so why not make it good?

Now happily on the other side of my war with food and nestled in a loving relationship, I also have the fulfilling career I’d hoped for, working as a psychotherapist and health coach to help others deal with their feelings about life and food.

See how Heather answers our Identity Five Questions:

1. What have you accepted within yourself and/or within your life? Is there anything you are working on accepting?

I’ve accepted that I’m not perfect, never will be and that’s ok. I still need to remind myself of this regularly. I’m also working to accept that most of the universe is outside my control and I might as well just be in the moment and quit worrying about it.

2. What do you appreciate about yourself or your life?

I appreciate my sense of hope. I never give up.

3. What have you achieved, or what are you working to achieve personally, physically, or mentally?

I am working to grow my psychotherapy and health-coaching practice while maintaining sanity and self-care, after all, that is what I preach to my clients.

4. What is your no-so-perfect way? We are all unique with quirks and imperfections, so why not flaunt them and embrace them!

I am very Type A. At times, I’m very child-like and goofy. I am a non-linear thinker and somewhat ADHD too; I tend to forget and misplace things. When I studied abroad in college, family members placed bets on which country I’d lose my passport in.

5. How would you complete this sentence, “I Love My…” This has to be about you, physically or mentally.

I love my sense of curiosity. I’ll never stop asking questions and learning!

Identity readers tell us what they accept in their lives and within themselves. What have you accepted?

I’ve learned to accept that what I desire in a partner will not change. So adjusting to make someone fit into my life is not advantageous for either party. -Jennifer

I have accepted my curves, In the very image-conscious world of public relations in Los Angeles, I have finally accepted I will never be stick thin. Once I accepted my extra pounds and decided not to let outside pressures change my self image I have realized people respond to my confidence and my business is growing. -Stacy

I have accepted that a super clean house is highly overrated. No woman will have on her grave marker, “Here Lies the Best Housewife in the World.” -Fran

I accept my curvy hips, long face and big lips. They are what make me who I am. -Lorneth

I have accepted that I cannot control every situation. -Meagan

I accept that I am not in control of anyone but myself. -Allison

I accept that in order for me to move forward with my daily routine of working out, I have to take responsibility and stop making excuses. There are no excuses. Act and do already! - Susan

Women tell us what they have accepted within their lives and themselves.

What do you accept?

I’m an African American woman who has been divorced twice. I was brought up to speak properly and always had a corporate job. I have accepted my body-type even when my counterparts didn’t. I’ve learned to ignore people in my race because of the way I speak. It doesn’t make me white or a sell out and I’m OK with that. I’ve learned divorce doesn’t make me a failure; it has just made me wiser. -Aleasa 

One day I said to my husband, “Hon, you see me now? This is probably where I will be weight-wise, give or take 10 pounds in either direction, for the rest of my life.” It was incredibly liberating making that statement and to accept my body the way it is. -Sarah

What I have accepted in my life is that no matter how much you plan, life does not follow that plan. I have learned to appreciate that the reason life does not follow that plan is because sometimes life gives you lessons along your path that were not planned for so that you can grow and appreciate all the little things. Sometimes we are so focused on all the things that we want that we overlook all the little things that make us happy. You can’t appreciate until you learn to accept. -Michelle

As a Mother of one I’ve accepted the fact that my body will never be what it was when I was younger. I’ve accepted that stretch marks and a big butt make it easier to carry a toddler around on your hips. That it’s OK to love your imperfect body because your child doesn’t care. You’re still going to get the same snuggles. The trade out was well worth it. -Meghan

I’m working to accept that I am in control of my thoughts, beliefs and the results in my life. I’ve had to accept that prince charming may be here,but he’s not here right now to sweep me off my feet. That the fairy tales we read as a child are not a healthy reality and that the more I accept and love who I am and what I am on this planet to do, the more good  things come my way. -Holly

I’m on a mini vacation in Atlantic City before the 4th of July holiday and I haven’t seen Atlantic City this packed and full of life in a long time, especially for a Monday and a Tuesday.

I sat at a bar with my boyfriend and drank $2 Coronas as we talked and "people watched." I know you "people watch" too!  Of course, we don’t judge, but we do talk about what we see and all the unique individuals that pass by.

All of a sudden, an elderly couple walked right on in and headed straight for the dance floor. Their faces were filled with happiness, love and excitement as they danced all night long. A few hours went by and the DJ announces a dance contest in which the elderly husband won. As he was embracing the love and applause from the crowd, I turned to look at his wife and saw her sparkling eyes showing her admiration for him.

What I saw and appreciated about that moment was the happiness they have for one another. Their appreciation for life and living it to the fullest was breathtaking. No matter how old or young you are, that is what life is all about––living in the moment. I hope you are living in the moment and working to Accept. Appreciate. Achieve.™

What’s new this month:

Take a look at our July Identity Most Wanted, Life Transitions with Carol, and our July B.I.G. Feature of the Month, Irish Kadosh.

Wishing you a Happy Fourth of July!

P.S. For those of you in question, the "beta" is just temporary, while we ensure all the glitches, quirks, etc. are perfected.

Feel Beautiful Everyday!

Susan Vernicek – Founder

As I approach 50, accepting new parts of my physicality gets a bit more challenging, as I'm right at the cusp of losing whatever Id liked previously. But here it goes…

I've always thought I had pretty, expressive eyes and a sincere smile. I see the crows feet and wonder if I'll ever want an eye tuck for droopy lids, but that has never detracted from the intelligence, warmth and humor I see reflected in the mirror. Despite the fact that my Lasik surgery 10 years ago has begun to lose its strength and I need glasses for driving again, I can still value these "windows to my soul" for what they are.

I accept the lean muscular structure of my legs. I walk a good deal, ride my bike and teach social dance, so they are pretty toned. I once had a female neighbor who was out walking her dog along with me and my Westies tell me I had the legs of a 21-year-old. I just appreciate that they are strong, because their strength makes me feel independent in a spiritual sense, you know, like because of them I can literally and metaphorically "stand on my own two feet" throughout life's troubles.

The last major physical attribute I accept is my gluteus maximus, or butt. I put on weight in various places I never wanted it, "but" my butt has always remained lean and shapely, probably due to the exercise I get. Despite my so-called maturity, that particular hunk of flesh has failed to start sagging, thank goodness.

There are many ways of improving social anxiety, but as a personal development coach and a former social anxiety sufferer, I have learned that one of the easiest and most productive ways to increase feelings of well-being in social situations is to practice the art of self-acceptance.

A very common scenario that I hear from coaching clients is this: they desperately want to feel better about themselves in social situations, but the fact that they DON'T feel good in social situations right now causes them to judge themselves very harshly.

This produces a "catch 22" situation, because by not feeling good about yourself right now — just as you are — you unknowingly make it much more difficult to feel good about yourself when you're with other people. By withholding self acceptance, it is easy to fall into a vicious circle of nervousness and self criticism, which can make social interaction even more difficult.

But the way to stop this "Loop" once and for all is to decide today — right now — to accept, love and appreciate yourself exactly as you are. This means that if you should feel uncomfortable in a social situation, you must understand that it is okay, and refuse to judge yourself harshly because of it.

When I explain this "acceptance first" strategy to clients dealing with social anxiety, some of them will ask, "but if I simply accept my social anxiety, won't that just make it worse?" The simple answer is "no." The thing that makes social anxiety problems worse is non-acceptance. In my experience, people do not get over problems like these by being disgusted with themselves because they have the problem to begin with.

Improving social anxiety requires self acceptance. Too often we look at these problems backwards. For example, a client once told me, "Fine, I'll start accepting myself as soon as I don't have social anxiety." The problem with this thinking is, without accepting yourself FIRST, you will never get to the point where you are comfortable in social situations.

So to begin improving, you have to do something which I call, "putting the cart ahead of the horse." This means you must decide to accept yourself, your strengths, your weaknesses — everything about you, and practice self acceptance on a daily basis.

Don't make the mistake of thinking you'll feel better about yourself once the social anxiety goes away. That's backwards thinking. Feel better about yourself now, and you will see an almost immediate improvement in your social anxiety.

Now here's the tricky part for some people: they may have built up very strong habits of judging themselves unfairly, and withholding self acceptance. I won't kid you: if you have been thinking this way for many years, you will have certainly built up very strong habits around these self-destructive thoughts, and they are unlikely to simply go away overnight.

But here's the good news; you can begin accepting yourself today. Maybe not 100%, but a lot more than you have in the past. Making an effort is important — every little bit counts! So if you try to begin accepting yourself as you are right now and find it difficult, don't give up. Practice going through the motions of self-acceptance if you have to — even if you don't really "feel" that way deep down.

If you do this on a daily basis it will certainly have an effect on your self-esteem, and improve your social anxiety. Consistency is the key. I recommend that clients take a little "timeout" twice daily to practice self acceptance. And remember, it's easy to accept our strengths and successes; the real test of acceptance is whether or not we accept our weaknesses and failures.

Improving social anxiety begins with accepting every aspect of our self, including those areas where we still need a lot of work.

Jon Mercer is an accomplished writer and educator. He lives in St Augustine Florida, and enjoys writing on a variety of interests.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jon_Mercer

The anticipation for this June issue has been like a massive balloon of joy waiting to be popped. Do you hear all the noise pouring out? All my screaming, the laughter, the happiness, the inspiring stories flying all around? If not now, I assure you, you will after you explore this online magazine that will empower you to Accept. Appreciate. Achieve. ™

I've given some of you a sneak peek of our new identity and the positive responses have kept me inspired and motivated. I thank you all for that! I believe this new layout is much more user friendly and in some areas, allows you to share your insights with comments and conversations.  You get the best of both worlds with 30 plus new articles every quarter, monthly updates on certain topics, and a little blog touch where we can communicate with one another.

We have many stages in our lives where we face the challenges to accept ourselves physically and mentally, to appreciate oneself as well as others, and to achieve personal goals in life.  We have succeeded in some, or we haven't had the chance to yet.  We can learn from one another, at any age!  So let's continue to share our stories, whether you are a writer or not; and inspire one another to Accept. Appreciate. Achieve.™. I say this over and over.  It's a day to day, breath by breath challenge, but once you continue to push the three A's, you will Feel Beautiful Everyday!™

P.S. For those of you in question, the "beta" is just temporary, while we ensure all the glitches, quirks, etc. are perfected.

Feel Beautiful Everyday!

Susan Vernicek – Founder

I accept that I am 5’6 and weigh 144 pounds. I will always be a 
little bit chubby. I will never be able to wear little shirts with thin straps because my 
boobs are too big and my butt will always have a little jiggle to it.

I was not always this confident or accepting of my body. I’d say it’s 
really only been the last year that I’ve been happy with my body 
the way it is. I started exercising regularly and making an effort to 
be healthier about eight months ago. I was never into fitness or eating 
healthy before, which certainly didn’t contribute to a healthy self- 
image. But now, I know I’m doing good things for my mind and body. I feel good, 
I feel healthier. I feel pretty and even 
though I have some days where I feel gross, sloppy and chubby and 
wish I were thinner. I remind myself that I look good, that my 
boyfriend loves me no matter what I look like and that I am still 
awesome no matter what I look like.

I think I have a pretty healthy body image, but it certainly didn’t 
happen over night. I’ve been making a conscious effort to feel good 
about my looks since I turned 19 and was tired of feeling shitty about 
my appearance, and always comparing myself to other people.

 How did I do this? That’s something my friends are always asking me 
and they don’t seem to believe me when I tell them. It has nothing to 
do with guys hitting on me or my boyfriend telling me I’m pretty.

It is 
entirely a mental state of mind. It started out 
with faking confidence. I would walk around like I 
thought I was pretty and after a while, I started to buy it. Fake it 
till ya got it and when ya got it, flaunt it baby, flaunt it!  On 
days when I feel blah, I remind myself to fake it or I put on my 
sexiest undies so that all day I know I have something fun and flirty 
underneath my clothes. Sometimes I put on my favorite fitted tee shirt, the 
one I know shows off my boobs and let the things I love about my body 
in focus as opposed to the things I don’t so much accept yet, (i.e. my stomach, my 
thighs).

 Overall, that’s it. Exercising is doing something good for my mind, body and 
overall health. I will never be 
as thin as my best friends, but I am still sexy, beautiful and 
working on creating a healthy lifestyle.