Acceptance is the key to any type of recovery.  Women often look to better themselves as if continuously trying to recover from the person that they are.  Identity Magazine’s EIC Susan Vernicek weighs in on the world of women when it comes to dieting, self-help books, and images.  Accept yourself now in order to be happier in the future.

By Susan Vernicek

You don’t need to look for greener grass. Three out of four women are unhappy with the way they look or feel and nine out of 10 women that answer our “I Love My” question without us guiding them, answer with a loving “family, kids, life,” etc. It is clear that women tie the way they feel to their circumstances and image. That’s why diet and self-help books are best sellers, and is the number one category for book retailers. Many of us women think we need to change ourselves in order to be happier. But, self-help programs aren’t the answer, at least not at first.

We must start with acceptance. Women can be happy with who they are without feeling the need to constantly change themselves and it begins with recognizing the traits that create our unique identities. I have mentored thousands of women to increase their confidence as the editor of Identity Magazine, and I suggest writing in a journal as the entry point to happiness. I believe writing is not only therapeutic, but a key to self discovery and becoming happier.

Susan Vernicek

Here are three simple tips to accept yourself through journal writing, even for those who are not writers.

1. Acknowledge Your Qualities: You must know who you are in order to accept yourself. Most self-esteem experts suggest listing out your best traits and the things you love. However, this can be a stumbling block for women who struggle with self-esteem. Instead, I advise you to dump it all out on paper – the good, the bad, and the ugly. Self-love is not about perfection or success. Your qualities make up the overall package of the things you are proud of, your failures, your personality traits, your quirks, and imperfections—mentally and physically. Knowing yourself inside and out is the first step to acceptance.

2. Release and Let Go: Each of us has had an experience that can affect the way we feel about ourselves, and deeply impact our self-esteem: harmful relationships, unhappy bosses, competitive friendships, a family at war, or even going up or down a size in jeans. I suggest you release and let go of these experiences, and remember, our experiences do not make up who we are. We can learn from them, but they shouldn’t define our identities. Simply releasing opens us up to accepting ourselves and our past situations.

3. Use what works:  Journaling doesn’t require a pen and paper or traditional journal at all. Find what works for you. If you are a computer person, sit with your laptop, if you are an extrovert, speak it out loud and video yourself! For talkers, buddy up with a close friend and chat it out. For those that are angst-filled and need to actively release, do something liberating like using lipstick to mark up your mirror with your thoughts.

I hope you find these first three steps valuable and consider taking action right now.

By Allison Shadel

As Identity readers, you are learning to take more time to accept and appreciate yourselves. But let’s be honest, you are probably still running around like mad women. With such crazy schedules, you may have lapsed on your heart-healthy lifestyle. According to The National Coalition for Women with Heart Disease, heart disease is the leading cause of death of American women. So, in honor of World Heart Day on September 25, we would like to share some tips from doctors and readers on how to maintain healthy lifestyles.

Get Tested

Steve Foley, M.D., of Colorado Springs, suggests combining your cholesterol test with your next Pap smear. “Get a VAP with your PAP” is his slogan. “Because heart disease is the number one killer of women and they aren’t asking for their cholesterol to be checked,” he says. “I started ordering the VAP Test when I first heard about it almost six years ago. It is the most accurate and easiest method to evaluate my female patients for elevated cholesterol as well as polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS). It is particularly helpful when developing a treatment plan for women and also helps to monitor response to treatment. The VAP Test is much more accurate than the commonly used cholesterol screening test, is inexpensive, and can be done without fasting.”

Foley also suggests asking your doctor for an advanced lipid panel because the standard test identifies only 40-percent of those at risk for coronary heart disease. These are really great tips to keep in mind when you eventually find time to squeeze a doctor’s appointment into your hectic schedules.

Healthy Eating

Your eating habits affect your heart’s health. Here are a few tips from women like you, who practice healthy living.

Body expert Kathi Casey, ERYT, CPI, says combining diet, exercise and stress reduction is the key to success.

Casey suggests keeping a food log. “When you write everything down that you put into your mouth, you tend not to partake of that pile of cheese and crackers while cooking dinner,” she says.

There’s an App for that! Luca Meli suggests downloading the iFeelFood app, which allows immediate calculation of nutritional values in relation to the estimated average daily intake.

Exercise

Casey suggests high-intensity interval workouts of jumping rope, bike riding, or running for about 20 minutes.

“My recommendation is a three to four minute warm up and then 30 seconds of pushing yourself as hard as humanly possible, then 90 seconds of slowing WAY down,” Casey says. “Continue your movement, but slow down enough so that your heart rate can come back to normal, then repeat the 30 seconds of strenuous and 90 seconds of slow. Start with two or three sets and work up to 8 sets. End with another three to four minutes of walking as a cool down.”

Stress Reduction

Wellness Coach Denise Baron says laughing, having a passion and purpose are paramount to having a healthy heart. She also suggests conscious breathing (like yoga) to care for your heart. “It strengthens heart muscles, improves the oxygen-carrying capacity of the blood vessels.

All of these recommendations can help you maintain or start a healthy lifestyle. Be sure to give yourself time to Accept, Appreciate, and Achieve!

By Sonia Pressman Fuentes

I was born in Berlin, Germany, of Polish Jewish parents in 1928. In 1933, my brother, Hermann, who was fourteen years my senior, saw the threat Hitler posed to Germany’s Jews and urged my parents to leave Germany. My father, who had lived in Germany for over twenty years and was the prosperous owner of a men’s clothing store, scoffed at this suggestion. He was sure that Hitler and his Nazi followers would soon blow over.

In July 1933, my parents and I moved to Antwerp. There followed months during which my father and brother tried to find a way to make a living in Antwerp and other European cities, but nothing worked out. My brother made countless applications for visas to permit our family to remain in Belgium; all were denied. Then, my father read that ships were departing for the U.S., and my parents decided we would get on one of these ships. Since my parents had been born in Poland, we were able to get visas for the U.S. on our Polish passports. We left Antwerp on the Red Star Line’s S.S. Westernland in April 1933, arriving in New York City on May 1, 1934.

On arriving in New York City, my family rented an apartment in the Bronx and my father went into the men’s clothing business. We soon moved to upstate New York, where my father began his own resort business.

I graduated from high school in Monticello as valedictorian of my class and went on to Cornell University, from which I graduated, Phi Beta Kappa, in 1950.

By 1954, I felt I was getting nowhere fast, and decided to apply for law school at the University of Miami, Fl. (since my family and I often spent winters in Miami Beach). My goal was to practice law in a private law firm, something I never thereafter did.

In my final year of law school, recruiters from the U.S. Department of Justice came to the school, and I was accepted for their program for Honor Law Graduates.

After graduation from law school, first in my class, I moved to Washington, D.C., intending to stay with the Justice Department for a few months before moving on to my goal: private practice. That was the start of a twenty-three-year career with a number of federal agencies. I subsequently worked for the National Labor Relations Board (NLRB), the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC), and the Department of Housing & Urban Development (HUD).

Through much of my career, I was looking for another job. From the age of ten, I had felt there was a purpose to my life, a mission I had to accomplish, and that I was not free as other girls and women were simply to marry, raise a family, and pursue happiness. This feeling arose from three factors in my life: I had been born only because my mother’s favored abortionist was out of Berlin, my immediate family and I had escaped the Holocaust, and I was bright. I concluded that I had been saved to make a contribution to the world. But I had no idea what it was to be.

In 1963, as a volunteer with the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU), I testified before the House of Representatives Committee on Education and Labor in favor of the Equal Pay Bill, which was subsequently passed. I assumed that was my first and last effort on behalf of women’s rights–but I was wrong.

In October 1965, three months after it had commenced operations, I joined the EEOC as the first woman lawyer in its Office of the General Counsel–and found the role I was meant to play. The EEOC was charged with enforcement of a new law, Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964. At that time (it was later expanded to cover discrimination based on mental or physical disabilities), Title VII prohibited discrimination by covered employers, employment agencies, and labor unions based on race, color, religion, sex, and national origin.

During its first year or so, by and large, the EEOC did not enforce the gender discrimination prohibitions of the Act. Most of the commissioners and staff had come to the agency to fight discrimination against African Americans and did not want the Commission’s time and resources devoted to gender discrimination. Furthermore, the gender discrimination provisions raised more difficult questions of interpretation than did the other prohibitions of the Act.

The Commission’s failure to implement the gender discrimination prohibitions of the Act caused me a great deal of grief and frustration. When Betty Friedan came to the Office of the General Counsel to interview the General Counsel and his deputy for a book she planned to write, I shared this frustration with her. I told her that what this country needed was an organization to fight for women like the NAACP fought for its constituency.

In June and October 1966, 49 men and women, of whom I was one, formed the National Organization for Women (NOW).

Thereafter, I became involved in an underground activity. I took to meeting privately at night in the Southwest Washington, D.C., apartment of Mary Eastwood, a Justice Department attorney and a co-founder of NOW. There we drafted letters from NOW to the Commission demanding that action be taken. To my amazement, no one at the Commission ever questioned how NOW had become privy to the Commission’s deliberations.

As a result of pressure by NOW, the EEOC began to take seriously its mandate to eliminate gender discrimination in employment. It conducted hearings and began to issue interpretations and decisions implementing women’s rights. I drafted one of the Commission’s earliest Digests of Legal Interpretations, its first Guidelines on Pregnancy and Childbirth, and the EEOC’s first decision finding that airlines violated Title VII when they grounded or terminated stewardesses on marriage or reaching the age of 32 or 35.

I left the Commission in 1973 and in the ensuing years became the highest-paid woman employee at the headquarters of two leading corporations: GTE Service Corporation in Stamford, Connecticut, and TRW Inc. in Cleveland, Ohio.

In 1990, I learned I had breast cancer. I had a mastectomy. Thereafter, I went on the board of the American Cancer Society (ACS) for the District of Columbia, traveled to Israel and China to look into the diagnosis and treatment of breast cancer in those countries, and reported on my findings to the ACS and in speeches.

In 1996, at a ceremony honoring the founders of NOW, Betty Friedan presented me with the VFA Medal of Honor. I was honored by VFA again at a June 2008 program at the Harvard Club in NYC as one of thirty-six feminist lawyers who made significant contributions to women’s rights in the 1963-1975 time period.

I embarked on new careers as a writer, public speaker, and community and feminist activist. Currently, I am co-president of the Sarasota chapter of Americans United for Separation of Church and State, a member of the local chapter of NOW, a member of the program committee of the Congregation for Humanistic Judaism, and the first and only honorary member of the Sarasota chapter of the Florida Association of Women Lawyers.

See how Sonia answers our Identity Five Questions:

1. What have you accepted within yourself and/or within your life? Is there anything you are working on accepting?

I have accepted that my life is basically lived alone. There is nothing I am working on accepting; my life is busy and full and I have my hands full living it.

 2. What do you appreciate about yourself or your life?

I appreciate the facts that I have a busy life filled with more friends than I have time to see and that I have work that I believe is worthwhile and that I enjoy. I appreciate the fact that I live in Sarasota, FL, a social and cultural mecca, where I can enjoy a hospitable climate (at least most of the year, the summers are too hot and humid) and dining out, movies, theater, concerts, museums, and lectures with friends.

What have you achieved, or what are you working to achieve personally, physically, or mentally?

I have been working on improving women’s rights since 1963 and I hope I have made a contribution. I am not working to achieve anything personally, physically or mentally, other than to be able to keep going.

What is your no-so-perfect way? We are all unique with quirks and imperfections, so why not flaunt them and embrace them!

I am sometimes brusque and too frank. I work on keeping those qualities in check.

How would you complete this sentence, “I Love My…” This has to be about you, physically or mentally.

I love my energy and sense of humor.

To find out more about Sonia, please visit her website  http://www.erraticimpact.com/fuentes.

By Shirley

I contracted severe juvenile rheumatoid arthritis at 11 months old after receiving a tuberculin (TB) skin test. I spent my early years in constant pain; some days, I was like a statue, unable to move or sit. My mother Juliet Cheng took me to China six times to seek treatment within my first 11 years of life, thus saving my life many times as a result.

Owing to years of hospitalization between America and China, I received no education until age 11. Back then, I only knew my ABCs and very little English; my book knowledge was non-existent, so I started schooling in a special education class in elementary school. However, I mastered grade level in all areas after only about 180 days of attendance, and immediately entered regular sixth grade in middle school.

I received many academic, art, and literary awards, including Student of the Year in sixth grade, Student of the Month in seventh grade, and an excellence award for achieving the highest grade of 97 for Earth science in the entire eighth grade class.

I was a top honor student, making the Principal’s List several times in high school (95 average and above). I was a contributor to my high school newspaper as an artist. I also ran for student body vice president (not class government, but for the entire school) as a freshman, and received a standing ovation for my platform speech as a candidate.

I lost my eyesight at age 17, but that did not stop me from loving the life I live. I had to stop attending school and received home-tutoring. I completed my schoolwork using only cassette tapes and recorders.

I was able to balance and calculate long chemistry equations in my head without Braille (I can’t use Braille because of my severe JRA). Still, I couldn’t accumulate enough credits to graduate, though my GPA is 3.9 (97, without any Advanced Placement factors), so I earned my GED diploma instead. I took the entire GED test, including mathematical calculations and problem solving, graphs, and an essay, in my head without Braille; still, I scored an exceptional 3280 on the exam, earning me a special recognition award. I was a student speaker at my GED graduation ceremony and received a standing ovation for my speech.

I became an author at age 20, completing three books within one year. Now at age 28, I’m an award-winning author with 27 book awards. I’ve written nine books and contributed to 25, as well as being an editor of one. I’m also a Gospel proclaimer, Bible teacher, motivational speaker, and poet.

I’ve earned my doctorate in Divinity in 2010 as a summa cum laude graduate, and am constantly continuing to expand my knowledge in the word of God by studying the Bible and teaching what I’ve learned to those who are eager to take in God’s word as refreshing water.

Because of my arthritis, I can type with only my two index fingers–but I can produce about 65 words per minute. I’ve completed every step of book production, from formatting my manuscripts to designing and maintaining my websites.

Shirley answers our Identity Five Questions:

What have you accepted within yourself and/or within your life? Is there anything you are working on accepting?

I’ve accepted everything that I should accept about myself and my life. My acceptance is not an acceptance of resignation, however. Although I have lost my eyesight and the ability to walk, I’m never scornful; instead, I’m grateful for having owned these gifts before. Moreover, through the loss of my physical sight, I’ve gained a new spiritual vision the moment God helped me realize my purpose of existence by leading me to spreading the Gospel of salvation through His Son, Jesus Christ. If I hadn’t lost my eyesight, I would have gone to college to become a scientist, and not bring to others spiritual food that far surpasses any worldly achievements or influences.

What do you appreciate about yourself or your life?

I appreciate the fact that I am alive, that my Heavenly Father has blessed me with the precious gift of life so I can enjoy so much that life has to offer, and above all, the fact that I have the opportunity to intimately know my Creator and Life-Giver and to serve Him by spreading His eternal Word, which is “the power of God for salvation for everyone who believes; for the Jew first, and also for the Greek. For in it is revealed God’s righteousness from faith to faith.” (Romans 1:16, 17, WEB)

What have you achieved, or what are you working to achieve personally, physically, or mentally?

My biggest goal, mission, and passion I aim to achieve is to proclaim Yahweh God’s Good News of salvation through His Son Jesus Christ and help people attain and maintain a sacred relationship with God and His Son. Proclaiming the Gospel of Jesus Christ will remain my lifelong passion and mission that is led by my Heavenly Father, so where I will be and what I shall achieve for God’s Kingdom depends on where Yahweh directs me.

What is your not-so-perfect way? We are all unique with quirks and imperfections, so why not flaunt them and embrace them!

I’m as stubborn as a mule. I’ve learned to take advantage of it by directing it to good use, such as to stubbornly pursue my goals. As a result, the many challenges and obstacles in my life have learned to take “no” for an answer!

How would you complete this sentence, “I Love My…” This has to be about you, physically or mentally.

I love my God-given willpower and positivity. These elements, along with a deep faith in God, have enabled me to move forward spiritually even though my physical body won’t budge. They are what help me waltz to the music of life without having my blindness cause me to trip over my own feet.

To find out more about Shirley, please visit her websites at http://www.shirleycheng.com or http://www.ultra-ability.com.

Cupid, the ancient Roman god of love, was blind. In mythology, he’s been represented as a cherub, a perpetual baby, (someone without wisdom or judgment) who flies around zapping people with his arrows. This is a great metaphor for the sensation of “falling in love” instantly, otherwise known as limerance, lust, or “blind love.”

Unfortunately, lust doesn’t last, and love isn’t blind forever. Creating a successful relationship takes a lot more than believing in Cupid, love, marriage or romance. Instead of blundering blindly through the stages of commitment, you can begin building the solid basis your relationship needs by asking yourself these questions.

What is your definition of commitment?

Whether you know it or not, you and your partner are continuously defining your relationship. If you don’t know what your relationship means to each of you, you risk repeating past mistakes, getting stuck in uncomfortable roles, or fighting about what a healthy relationship is. Talk about what you mean by words such as relationship, commitment, love, and faithfulness. You’ll be amazed by what you learn.

Have you discussed finances?

Next to sex, money is the biggest generator of problems, arguments, and resentment in long-term relationships. Couples tend to assume that money should be pooled, but it usually isn’t that easy. A disparity in income can mean struggling about who pays for what, or whose income determines your lifestyle. Different financial habits (one likes to save, the other spends more, or doesn’t keep track) can become a source of argument. For many couples, separating the money makes things run smoother; you don’t wind up struggling for control. You can split expenses evenly, or work out a percentage share if your incomes are different. Whatever you do, learn to talk about money in a businesslike manner.

What about household responsibilities?

If you’re not yet living together, take a tour of each other’s homes. Drastically different decorating styles, neatness, and organization levels can become sources of argument, as can house-keeping and chores. If you have different tastes, it may require a lot of creativity and negotiation to decorate a joint home in a way that makes both of you comfortable. Additionally, think hard before moving into your partner’s established home. You may have trouble feeling as if you “belong” in a home that was previously established by your partner, unless you participate together in reorganizing and redecorating it.

How close are you to family or friends?

If one of you has a lot of family or friends, and the other does not, or if you both have big families, find out what those relationships mean. Where will you spend holidays? If there are family members who have problems, such as financial stress, addiction or mental illness, how much will that impact your relationship?

How do you handle anger and other emotions?

We all get upset from time to time. If you are usually good at diffusing each other’s anger and being supportive through times of grief or pain, your emotional bond will deepen as time goes on. If your tendency is to react to each other and make the situation more volatile and destructive, you need to correct that problem before you live together.

How do you show love to each other?

Talking about which actions and words mean love to you may be surprising. Even if it’s hard for you to figure out, discussing how you give and receive love will improve your relationship. You will understand what makes each of you feel loved, and how to express your love effectively.

How well did you discuss these very questions?

Asking yourselves these questions are excellent tests of your ability to define and work out problems. Constructive discussion that leads to a mutually satisfactory solution means you know how to solve problems in your relationship. If not, get counseling before going further.

Check back next week when Dr. Tessina shares the skills you need to keep your relationship strong.

Dr. Tessina is a licensed marriage counselor in So. California, with 30 years of experience in counseling individuals and couples. She is the author of 13 books.

By Susan Spencer

There are times in one’s life when you get an incredible opportunity to prove to others that you are smart, professional, and unflappable. This was one of those times. 

After graduating college, I taught junior high school for five years, had a child, left my husband, started a business, and in my late thirties graduated law school. Having been away from my home town since college, Villanova Law School brought me back to Philadelphia. Once I graduated law school, I divided my professional time: working as a corporate lawyer with a Philadelphia law firm and as the attorney for Philadelphia Eagles. 

My dad owned the Philadelphia Eagles and hired me as the team’s lawyer (replacing the services of a very expensive Philadelphia law firm) because my rate was a real bargain. I jumped at the chance to represent the team because I considered this an opportunity of a lifetime.

During my first two years at the Eagles, I began looking into the team’s contracts and financial records and made it a point to report my observations to my father—even though he always seemed disinterested. One day, out of the blue—without any advance notice, my dad fired the team’s General Manager. He then called me in to his office and told me to fire the rest of the GM’s staff.

So here I was, the acting GM of the Philadelphia Eagles and running the day-to-day team business. My position was never made public, however, and would never be made official because my father wasn’t comfortable having a woman at the helm. To him, and many men of his generation, women belonged at home taking care of the house and children.

So why did he hire me? Because I was in the right place at the right time and all else being equal, family generally trumps strangers. 

My new position gave me the chance to run a multimillion-dollar business and to demonstrate that I could successfully manage the organization as a businesswoman, and make the team profitable.

Like my father, the team always traveled in style. When they played on the road, in a city more than a few hours away from Philadelphia by bus—about five times during the regular season—they traveled on a jumbo jet. This luxury plane could fly nonstop from Philadelphia to California and carried not only the coaches and players but also members of the press and numerous friends of friends. Sure, it was nice . . . but it was a huge expense that the Eagles could ill afford.

One of the first financial cuts I made as acting GM was to contract with a smaller, regional carrier for a plane whose size would accommodate only team personnel.

Saving money was a new concept to the players, who assumed that sports teams had unlimited budgets when it came to spending money on them. They quickly learned that the “sky” was not the limit and that cutting expenses would become the new norm. They grumbled unhappily as they climbed aboard the small plane for the first time. But their displeasure was nothing compared to my father’s.

“You’re embarrassing me!” he muttered under his breath as he settled into his seat next to me on the first flight, which was destined for San Diego. I knew there was nothing I could say or do to console him, so I kept my mouth shut, my eyes straight ahead, and waited for the next shoe to drop . . . which it did, a few hours into the flight, when the plane began its descent over North Dakota to refuel.

“What the hell is this?!” my father roared, his outrage echoing among the rest of the passengers.

Once the plane was on the ground, the team was instructed to deplane and wait in the small airport lounge, where they could stretch their legs and make phone calls. Their grumbling leaving the plane was even louder than it had been boarding the plane. I dared not look at my father, whose slow burn was about to explode into a wildfire.

As I left the plane, I didn’t head for the lounge but stayed nearby, waiting to pull the rabbit out of my hat: carts filled with large cartons of Baskin-Robbins ice cream, oozing containers of hot fudge, and bowls full of bananas, whipped cream, sprinkles, nuts, and more were wheeled up to the plane’s steps. When everyone returned to the plane and saw the sweet extravaganza before them, they started hooting and applauding loudly. Giant scoops of ice cream and toppings were shoveled into large plastic bowls and carried onboard. Fifteen minutes later, the plane took off… and everyone was smiling.

If I had told my father or any of the coaches or players that I was going to trade their jumbo jet for a jumbo ice cream sundae*, they would have laughed in my face.

Yes, a spoonful of sugar does help the medicine go down, and yes, the way to a man’s heart is often through his stomach—old sayings familiar to everyone. But women take them seriously, which is why this creative idea could only have come from a woman. 

Not every change I made as acting general manager went over as well. I raised ticket prices for the first time in six years gaining the enmity of most hard-core fans. When I replaced the jumbo jet with a smaller plane the press could not hop a free ride on the team plane. That, combined with a necessary cost-saving move to serve hot dogs in place of filet mignon at press luncheons held at the Eagle’s stadium (Veteran’s Stadium), earned me a new media title—“The Wicked Witch of the Vet.” 

Looking back now, it’s comical, but at the time, it was very hurtful. 

When you hang in there and maintain your professionalism—despite the personal attacks, it becomes a real blessing in the long run.  You realize that no matter what else is thrown at you—you have the inner strength to shake it off. This awareness fills you with a new-found confidence in your skills and talents.

A year later the Eagles were sold and I left the world of football. I finally found my calling in the food business. For twenty years, as an entrepreneur, I bought and sold companies and never looked back.

See how Susan answers the Identity Five Questions:

What have you accepted within yourself and/or within your life? Is there anything you are working on accepting?

Learning to have the confidence in my skills and talents.

What do you appreciate about yourself or your life?

Being blessed with a wonderful husband(3rd try), daughter, and grandchildren in my life. 

What have you achieved, or what are you working to achieve personally, physically, or mentally?

Surviving and succeeding in male-dominated industries during my career and being able to have a book published about them. 

What is your not-so-perfect way?

Being patient.

How would you complete the phrase “I Love My…?”

…freedom to pursue my passion, helping women realize their unique and special skills.

Susan T. Spencer is an entrepreneur, award-winning author of BriefcaseEssentials, lawyer, and former minority owner, GM and VP of the Philadelphia Eagles Football Franchise.  Spencer has spent the last 25 years owning and running her own companies in exclusively male dominated industries after turning her back on the “corporate world.”  Her stories and examples are authentic, and her advice for women in business, who own a company, or who are thinking about starting a business is direct, practical, pioneering, and barrier breaking. Spencer attended Boston University. She later received her MA in Education/Economics from Hofstra University and received her law degree from Villanova University. Susan can be reached at SUSANTSPENCER1@aol.com.

*The ice cream sundae story described above is an excerpt from Briefcase Essentials, Copyright@ 2011 Susan T. Spencer

By Sheevaun

I was on track to live an ordinary life. I had found my soul mate and married him. We had all the plans of a young couple – dog, kids, family, old age – when suddenly he died in a motorcycle accident on the way home from work.

His work was important to him and he was one of the youngest on the management team for an airline, which ensured that he would be away from home a lot while building his career. It wasn’t unusual that he was late, but the knock on the door and window to my bedroom by my neighbors broke the spell.

Everything changed the night of the accident. My security and certainty were gone. My future was no longer filled with the same forward momentum. Nothing much mattered.

My dad gave me a piece of advice that has led me to do what I do today. He said follow your inner guidance and whatever you are inspired to do or participate in then you absolutely must do it. At the time I had no plans and so that sounded like a plan. It was the only thing that I could wrap my mind around because life was not very important and it
didn’t get important for a few years.

There were times when I sat on the floor crying with my dog and a gun to my
head. There were times when I would find the most dangerous thing I
could think of to do, like running with the bulls in Pamplona, and most
of the time I was on autopilot.

I 
landed a corporate job in marketing and sales and spent 14-16 hour days building a small pharmaceutical business from $200,000 to a $44 million 
company. I traveled non-stop for them and at one point my body failed. 
I had taxed it so much for so long that it said no more.

Because 
I didn’t believe in drugs to solve a problem with the body I was certain that there had to be a solution and yet I had no idea where to 
turn.

When I was misdiagnosed I decided that I needed to take my health into my 
own hands. I found a doctor that gave me a five page document with
 foods to eat and not to eat. It turned out to be a vegetarian diet and 
it started the healing process. It didn’t resolve the original issue and the doctor and I tried every other option possible, including some 
experimental herbal options, and nothing worked. He performed a surgery 
on my colon and that seemed to work and solve the problem.

Because
 everything seemed better I went back to my intense travel schedule within days of the surgery. and was on a plane to one of our biggest 
accounts in Puerto Rico. It seemed that there was an issue that my body
 had with healing fully from the surgery but I discounted it for months until one night a friend was visiting and I woke up screaming in pain.
 He took me to the emergency room and that’s when everything changed,
 once again.

I learned that my blood was poisoned, which is usually lethal and I could
 die from it. They told me that I’d been walking around with it for a
while and I also learned they wanted me to stay in the hospital for a
few weeks. I adamantly refused and told them that people die in hospitals. I told them they could inject me with whatever they needed 
and I promised I would take whatever they told me to take but I would
 not stay in the hospital.

I went home and stayed on my sofa for a month, instead of staying in the
 hospital. That’s when I started to recall all the things I’d learned
 about health and wellness throughout my life. I started to use them and began correcting the relationship to energy and body.

At that time I gained the definite realization that the body is important
 and that I would never be that sick again in my life and I would never 
take pharmaceuticals. That is when I took a class on Pranic Healing. Once I learned those technologies I set up 
four clinics around Orange County to gain experience and give back some 
of what I had learned. That’s when I realized that those techniques 
were only part of the solution and began developing my own technologies. I developed techniques that would solve all levels of
 energy problems and heal the mind, body, nutrition, business and 
finances and it would heal it permanently.

Once I realized that if I, a type A business executive, could do this and
get results every single time then anyone in the world should be able
 to help themselves. That’s when I was on a mission to share what I had
 learned.

It
 wasn’t until I was on a month long vacation to the Himalayas that I learned how important those energy skills were. There was a woman on 
the trip that had a stroke and our group was a 2-day hike from any
medical help. There was only me and my healing methods and my tent
mate, a nurse. She handled vital signs while I worked on this woman. I worked on her for hours. She recovered from a severe stroke to be able
to walk again with a tiny limp in 24 hours and the help of the
techniques I knew. This is when I realized that I needed to share my
knowledge with the world.

I began using some of those principles 
of energy and wellness with my sales team and at corporate functions. 
Our company sales soared and we were scoring big. That’s when I knew 
that I needed to use my corporate background and passion for business and combine it with the energy and modalities that I had been using for
health and wellness. I discovered that energy principles were the
 foundation of forward thinking leaders from the early 1900’s and that’s
what set apart the industrial revolution. That was the facet I could provide by combining the deeper principles of energy solutions into the
corporate environment.

It has been amazing to look back over the course of the past 15 years. It has also been an amazing journey exploring and challenging the reaches of my own health,
 management skills, energy principles and sharing those with 
clients..

To
date, my clients have recovered from cancer, bankruptcy, nearly failed marriages, chronic issues, diabetes and more. I have worked with over 15,000 
people using the energetic solutions and methods I developed.

My joy and passion is taking the basics of life and health and sharing those applications with
people that are burnt out, bummed out and bankrupt and transform their
life into something vibrant, healthful, joyful and prosperous.

You can find out more about Sheevaun by visiting www.SheevaunMoran.com

Photos provided by www.SheevaunMoran.com

“It took time, it was a struggle, I still have a long way to go, but what I have learned is ‘it’s never too late to be what you might have been.’” -George Sand.

By Sandhi

I was the quiet kid, drawing in my room. The weird teenager hanging out in the art room. But when it was time for college, my girlhood dreams did not find footing in the real world. Maybe it was my insecurity, the lack of encouragement, or the times just prior to the women’s movement. And, the endless loop of “no one makes it as an artist.” My parents expected me to be a wife and mother – not a professional and certainly not an artist.

I thought I had talent, but I was a shy and quiet kid.

So, I did a million other things instead. I worked my way up in retail, all the way to the buying offices and management, and then chucked it to be a display artist. Dressing mannequins and making beds and doing window displays was incredible. I opened a business doing displays, creating props, designing stores, but my partner and I were not always watching the bottom line. I became exhausted and closed after six years.

I got married and put my first husband through law school. Someone had to have the “real” job; the one with a steady paycheck and benefits. I had a baby. By this time, I was a breadwinner, parent, housekeeper, cook; there was no time for art and no support from my husband.

I ended up in non-profits. No matter what though, I always had room in my home for artsy stuff. Husband one moved my art room into a closet, then into the laundry room, then the car port. And I eventually moved myself out of the house.

I created a new life for myself. Single parent with an art filled house. I made funky lampshades, I painted murals, I broke tiles and made a mosaic counter top. I made my own shutters; I put together a chandelier. Those “itches” were fun, but they were never really scratched in a way that made me feel fulfilled.

Then, many years later, I met and married my dream husband – at 50! He adores me, supports my artistic dreams – built me a studio – gave me time and space to work and grow as an artist. A year into our marriage he said, “the only way you’re going to make it is to put everything into it – quit your job!”

I held my breathe and took the leap. No golden parachute. No trust fund. No MFA. We sacrificed a lot. We didn’t go on vacations. We went from Kiehl’s to Oil of Olay. We ditched the suits. It was work, work work. Make art, find shows, galleries, sell, market, create a web site, pack, ship, file… Oh yeah, and make dinner, do the laundry and help a kid through school.

I spend time every day in my studio. I spend time every day exploring every possibility – from researching galleries to looking for opportunities for PR, to writing a blog, sending out emails, networking and planning art festivals (which includes filling out forms, applications, etc.) and then booking travel.

Today, my work is in several galleries in Los Angeles, Phoenix, Chicago and more. It is in museums, and in private and corporate collections throughout the world.

I had to accept the fact that I AM AN ARTIST. I didn’t need someone outside myself to tell me that. I appreciate my husband’s love and support. I put in the time every day. It is my dedication and focus to make this happen on my own terms, in my own way.

What I have achieved is not an accident. And I am always excited about what’s next. I have more goals for myself, and am looking forward to more adventures!

I accepted I didn’t need a professor, a degree or a family member to tell me what I knew inside. I am an artist. I am an artist because I say I am.

I love my life. I get to be who I am on a soul level every day. I have the love and support of my family. I love my family. I love my art. I love it when other people love my art.

I appreciate the opportunities. The opportunity to love: to be a parent to the greatest kid and to be the wife to the greatest husband. The opportunity to make art, show art and sell art. The opportunity to help others.

My most rewarding achievements are: parenting, being a wife that loves and is loved, and finally having a career that I designed. I am doing what I love to do.

I am not perfect in this way – I don’t follow the rules. I am not sure I even know what the rules are. I do what I want, when I want, the way I want. Do you like what I do? Great. I didn’t get a formal education in my [now] chosen career. I know there are prescribed steps. I don’t have time to suffer in silence for my craft. I want to be happy, I want to be successful. There, I said it.

You can find more on Sandhi’s art at www.schimmelart.com.

Photo of Sandhi provided by www.schimmelart.com

By Morgan Johns

The buzz word for saving a marriage now-a-days seems to be ‘communicate.’ It is as if it will automatically zip up all conflicts and resolve all hurts. It may seem a simple word but it can be quite difficult for one to practice.

Here are some pointers for a couple with marital problems to learn in order to fix their communication problems.

Your spouse is one of the closest people to you in your life; thus, it is your rightful duty, as per your marriage vows, to treat each other well. Each has to look out for the well-being of the other and give one’s spouse the best of oneself. But most of us tend to react the other way. We act more polite to strangers yet are rude and critical with our spouse. We tend to take our loved ones for granted. Before good communication can happen between the married couple, they must remember their status in each other’s lives and be given top priority at all times.

Communication Between Spouses

Communication is the process of conveying a message to another. The right words must be chosen, and once delivered, cannot be retracted. It is so important to choose your words carefully so that the correct message is conveyed without inferences and guesswork.

Always sort out your words first before voicing to avoid misunderstanding and create conflict. This is especially necessary if your marriage is not too stable when you wish to communicate to resolve issues.

Make Sure the Moment is Right

Put yourself in your spouse’s shoes to feel how your words might impact him. Another point about communication is the timing. To have effective communication, it must be done at the right moment. Do not try to communicate when one party is busy or not alert in mind. Your spouse may be sleepy or tired; there will be no positive impact and you will end up being frustrated with the brick wall of communication.

Stay Calm, Cool, and Collected

Both parties should be calm and ready to deal with the issue at hand for a resolution. That will be the best time to communicate your feelings and thoughts without being accusing or defensive.

Avoid emotional outbursts, which tend to turn the spouse away or shut off his mind. This kills all forms of resolution to any disagreement or conflict in the marriage. Raising voices and yelling at each other tear down respect for one another, which causes more hurt and frustration.

Location, Location, Location 

Communication is conducive when the location is right. Crowded places or in front of your children will not do. The place should be comfortable and secure for both parties so that openness is encouraged. The bedroom is a good choice for privacy and a reflection of intimacy for good communication between the couple.

There are many ways to communicate effectively besides words; one can touch or embrace, give a smile or a kiss. These help to relax the other party and allow softer communication to take place, which is more productive. Choose nonverbal gestures of communication to promote respect, love and a desire to resolve marital conflict.

Morgan manages http://www.howtosavemarriagetoday.com.

Early in Melissa McGarrigle’s entrepreneurship, she came across a Zen saying: Leap and the net shall appear. Melissa says she held to that belief and can testify to its validity.  Leaving the security of corporate America to go to culinary school, Melissa says, was such a leap of faith, but the net did appear.

“In 2006, I left corporate life (software development) to follow my dream of running my own food-based business. I graduated from Le Cordon Bleu in Pittsburgh in October 2007 where I studied pastry arts,” said Melissa, who was raised in Pittsburgh (go Steelers!) and now resides in Long Valley, NJ.  “I then worked at a couple of bakeries in Pittsburgh to gain practical experience in bakery production.  I also used this time to decide what type of business I wanted and how and where I would have that business.” 

Another motivator for Melissa to make a career change was for her health. After her doctor sent her for a cardiac stress test, she decided she needed to make some changes in her life to improve her health. So she made the changes she needed to make.

Ultimately, Melissa decided cookies would be her specialty because her cookies were very popular with friends and family and you never outgrow a good cookie! Melissa added, “You can’t be in a bad mood when you eat a cookie.”

In October 2008, just three years after she began this adventure, she leased commercial kitchen space and Cookie Crumb Productions was in business!
 In November 2009, Cookie Crumb Productions opened its own bakery.

“There were many challenges, but finding the right packaging for the product I was producing was probably the most difficult aspect of starting this business. The cookies have to taste good, of course, but if the packaging isn’t appealing, people won’t try the cookies in the first place,” said Melissa. “That means the packaging is every bit as important as the cookies—I was prepared to work on the cookies, but the packaging took me by surprise!”

Melissa added that equally as challenging as the packaging is the shipping. She ships her cookies all over the world, so she needed to become well-versed in shipping. These challenges, though, are worth it because of the rewards she gets from her business.

“Without a doubt, the best part of my business is helping people celebrate events in their lives,” said Melissa. “I love designing the perfect cookie for a wedding favor, a son’s christening, or a grandmother’s 100th birthday. I love having someone ask me to ship a dozen signature cookies to someone for his or her birthday or to say thank you.”


Melissa, who has support from family and friends but runs her business solo, is motivated by living up to or exceeding her customers’expectations. Her gourmet cookies aren’t inexpensive, so she strives to make them just as her customers would want.


“I have to work at accepting I can’t do everything all the time, so I try to prioritize,” said Melissa. “I make lists, I make schedules, and I constantly adjust to changes, and I ask for help when I need it.”

Cookie Crumb Productions is expanding. This past fall she held baking classes, which were very popular and brought a lot of new people into the bakery.  She has been testing specialty desserts with a limited menu of order-only pastries, and if the pastries are successful there will be pastry cases with ready-made desserts available for purchase. And, of course, she will continue to expand her menu of cookies. 

“I started with six flavors of signature cookies and currently bake 11 flavors. I have added whoopee pies to the menu, and offer a different flavor each month.  And I’ll continue to look for new, fun cookies to offer customers,” said Melissa.

The thought of being considered an entrepreneur is still a new concept to Melissa. 

“Maybe when my cookies are a household name I’ll consider myself an entrepreneur. Right now, I’m just chief cook and bottle washer at my gourmet cookie company, and I love it!”

In keeping with Identity’s mission of Accept Appreciate Achieve, below are some more questions that fit in with that theme:

What have you accepted in your life that took time?


I’m not infallible and that’s okay. I can be incredibly hard on myself. I’ve finally accepted that I’ll make mistakes and I’ll forget things, but as long as I’m doing my best, that’s okay.

What do you appreciate the most in your life?


It’s such a cliché but I most appreciate my family and friends.  They’ve definitely been there for me and supported all of the changes and upheaval in my life over the past few years.  I wouldn’t be where I am without their support.

What is one of your most rewarding achievements in life?


Culinary school.  I still have to pinch myself to believe I had the strength to make this change.
What is your not-so-perfect way?
I’m incredibly impatient.

Complete this phrase, “I Love My…”


I love my life.  It isn’t perfect and it has its challenges, but I wouldn’t change it for anything!

Identity Sponsor, B.I.G. (Believe, Inspire, Grow) is an nationwide networking, support and education group for women entrepreneurs. Together Identity and B.I.G support women like you to make or continue your move in life. Follow your passion. You deserve to be featured and spotlighted.