By Nancy Stampahar

It’s time for fresh beginnings. Ask yourself, “What is it like to work around here?” or “What is it like to live my life?” Your answers will help you understand how you are viewing the worlds around you. Do you like what you see? If not, what would you like your environments to look and feel like? Paint yourself a picture and imagine how fulfilled, productive and happy you would be. Now for the tough question, what does it take to make your vision come to fruition? There is a one word answer – motivation.

Where does motivation come from? Motivation comes from within an individual. No one can motivate anyone to do anything they do not want to do. If someone truly wants to make changes in their life, they will do what it takes to make them. They get and stay motivated. This is where the phrase, “If there is a will, there is a way” derived. You have to want something strongly enough before you are willing to make a change. If you wait for someone or something to change, you may never get the results you want and need. It is up to you to do something different, to make something different happen.

 When you are fulfilled professionally and personally, your customers, co-workers, friends and family become a part of the ripple effect. Your environments become healthy and positive. Negative energy is reduced, and morale, productivity, improved relationships and a better quality of life are increased. You will have less stress and drama when you choose to make healthier and wiser choices. Work and life become fun and more rewarding for you, and everyone around you. 

If you, your organization or home are experiencing negative energy, complacency or burnout, attitudes and performances can be reignited by addressing the following seven questions:

1. How open-minded is each individual to self-awareness and personal growth?
2. What best practices are in place to empower self-directed teams and individual growth?
3. How effective are front-line supervisors and managers as coaches and team leaders?
4. What communication strategies are in place?
5. What goals, accountability and performance measurements are implemented?
6. What customer, employee and personal growth feedback and support mechanisms are utilized?
7. At the end of the day, does each individual feel appreciated and valued?

There are many effective strategies that can encourage motivating and fulfilling environments. If someone is motivated, they will embrace the strategies and take action. When you take the initiative to make positive changes in your work or personal life, you will get motivated, do better and achieve success. If you let life control you and become complacent, you will not grow and prosper. Ask yourself, “Do I consistently get out of bed each morning looking forward to work and my life?” This is your life to control and enjoy; live it in a way that will keep you from having regrets. It’s never too late to get happy!

Nancy Stampahar’s energetic, engaging personality and work initiatives are packed with real-life how to’s and solutions that help you succeed at both work and home. A skilled consultant and the award-winning author of Peace, Love, and Lemonade: A recipe to Make Your Life Sweeter, Nancy’s heartfelt words, expertise and enthusiasm will ignite your power within to succeed, and her famed “Silver Lining Solutions” will have you making lemonade out of lemons in no time at all! Visit: www.silverliningsolutions.com.

The Ah Ring

But, even women that are not single want to wear wear The Ah Ring! For them, it symbolizes they are attached and happy. Worn on the pinkie, The Ah Ring features eleven round full-cut diamonds, totaling .21 points, set in a beautifully modern 14K white gold band.

Multiply your happiness, and wear The Ah Ring stacked on either pinkie.
The perfect gift for a birthday or anniversary. *This special ring is only available here and is engraved with Ah.*

Take a Leap in Loving Yourself!

Being an aunt of over eight kids and being the youngest of seven, I understand how difficult it is making your identity a priority being a mother. Not only do I pay attention to my sister’s lifestyles, I have a ton of friends that have children. I know that your inner well-being, your looks, your physical health, your passions and simply your interests come after you have taken care of your children’s needs and if you’re married, even after your husbands needs.

I may not be a mother, but I know that you must find time in your day to love yourself and take care of yourself just as much as your family.  And I know you can do it! If you don’t, everyone suffers. So, the question is, how much do you want to love yourself? How much do you want to feel confidence, feel secure, happy, vibrant and alive?

For the past few years I have been the go-to resource for women to find and embrace their true identity.  I have a set of five questions, the Identity 5, that I provide in a workshop format.  I want to share question number 5 with you because it will give you a great starting point to take the leap in loving yourself.

How would you complete the sentence “I Love My…?” I want you to write down the first thing that comes to your mind.  Do not over think this at first.  So say to yourself now, ” I Love My…” and fill in the blank.

Now, I know from hundreds of women answering this question that nine out of 10 of you will have said that you love your family, life, husband, sister, everything but anything about yourself. Am I right? Go ahead, nod yes, it’s OK.

If you are that one who answered about yourself, whether it be physically or mentally about yourself, well done. You are ahead of the game, but can you take it further and deeper? Can you take it more frequently? Answer this question daily until you find more and more on what you love about yourself.

Now, if you were one of the nine that didn’t answer about yourself, then this is your homework.  Answer “I Love My…” about you and only you! It can be anything because there is no right or wrong answer and most importantly, no judgment.

Start now and finish the sentence each day.  If you can’t find anything, then you better start writing down what you want to love about yourself and make that your mission to be able to complete the sentence with at least one feature or quality about you.

Who will love you if you don’t love yourself? Take the leap in loving yourself today, not tomorrow.

Susan Vernicek – Founder & CEO

Helping Women Get All A’s in the Game of Life – Accept. Appreciate. Achieve.™

Identity Editorial Calendar:

Weekly: Every week, Identity releases 3 to 4 new articles!

Monthly: Every month I write my “BE” blog. Which is short for “Beautiful Everyday.” My articles are on my experiences, stories, etc. Also monthly is a new Most Wanted Product. After reviewing products and accepting that they are cool, fun, different, inspiring, etc., they are allowed to be featured in our Identity’s Most Wanted section. Check them out!

Quarterly: We initially started as a quarterly online magazine, so we kept our Q&A Expert section, Faithful Features section and our Horoscopes to be quarterly. So every June 1st, Sept. 1st, Dec. 1st and March 1st, these features will be new!

By Ellie

Breaking old patterns has been a lifelong journey for me. When I was 23-years-old, I was divorced and raising three children on my own. Life was painful. My body was unhealthy. I was smoking, weighed 100 pounds and thought I was fat, and watched television incessantly. My spiritual-being suffered the most. Fear, self-pity, anger, and guilt were my constant companions, and I thought I was so worthless that I did not deserve to be here. Ironically, my mind was constantly focusing on what other people should change in their lives so I could be happier.

At that time, I was unaware of the impact that my thoughts were having on my current life situation. I did not understand that my repeated, destructive self-talk was causing an overall unhealthy state of being in me. Because I internally repeated, accepted, and identified with toxic thoughts like “I am useless, I am not good enough, and I am a failure,” I was essentially destroying myself.

The first step in my healing journey began when I started listening to and owning my own thoughts. As I began to learn about my personal power of choice, I realized that my mind, body, and being were all affected by my limiting, negative beliefs and self-talk. I had been using words like have to, never, always, should, and not good enough. I also was not able to separate who I was from who I thought others wanted me to be.

At that time, I also learned that positive affirmations, whether repeating them out loud or silently, have a healing effect on the mind. The subconscious mind stores our thoughts and experiences. It doesn’t differentiate between thoughts that are good for us and those not so good for us.

Because the subconscious mind creates exactly what you tell it, replacing the damaging and untrue thoughts with positive, core value affirmations began a powerful healing process in me. Phrases like “I am unloved” became “I am loved”; and I replaced “I am worthless” with “I am good enough.” I wasn’t waiting for someone else to love me; I was going to love myself. Gradually, I felt my personal power and place in the world change.

One goal I had was to quit smoking. I had tried quitting multiple times in several different ways and had been unsuccessful. But once I began to apply affirmations like “I can” and “I am successful” while visualizing my life without cigarettes, I was able to break the smoking habit permanently! Unfortunately, I also began gaining a couple of pounds a week. Being reasonably good at math, I knew if I continued this habit, I would be sixty pounds heavier by the end of the year. I was determined not to start smoking again to avoid the weight gain, so I combined core value affirmations with an exercise movement program. It worked and I’ve been using this tool to help me make phenomenal life changes.

Here’s what I do:

1. Take time to listen to my own thoughts through meditation and journaling.

2. Choose what affirmations I need for the day. My favorite affirmations are: “I can,” “I am good enough” and “I release fear.”

3. Decide what movements to perform for that day: yoga, cardio or strengthening.

4. Enjoy moving my body while affirming my true self.

I am so grateful to have an easy to use, fun workout routine that supports who I am becoming.

See how Ellie answers our Identity Five Questions: 

1. What have you accepted within yourself and/or within your life? Is there anything you are working on accepting?

Accepting that I’m unable to give away something that I personally don’t have has been another motivating factor for me to change. Letting go of the childhood messages about being selfish, I realize that I need to love and respect myself first before I can treat others that way.

2. What do you appreciate about yourself or your life?

I appreciate my ability to see life’s possibilities. When I was resisting life, my thoughts were limiting because I was afraid. Listening intently to my inner dialog and spoken words, I can replace any limiting thoughts with possibility thinking.

3. What have you achieved, or what are you working to achieve personally, physically, or mentally?

Heightening my awareness about myself is a lifelong process. To live in the present moment is truly a gift.

4. What is your no-so-perfect way? We are all unique with quirks and imperfections, so why not flaunt them and embrace them!

My not so perfect way is that I like to be right. I have my perspective to offer and it is right for me yet if you think differently from me doesn’t mean you are wrong.

5. How would you complete this sentence, “I Love My…” This has to be about you, physically or mentally.

I Love My Creative Mind. I am fully present in the moment when I am creating.

By Debbie

Every woman goes through menopause.  My menopause, though, consisted of torturous hot flashes.  Finally, a friend of mine from India said she didn’t have any hot flashes once she eliminated sugar from her diet completely. I was all ears! I wasn’t able to sleep through the night, as I kept waking up every two hours or so with the intense hot flashes. After following her advice, my menopausal symptoms improved.

I was desperate after trying every herb and potion on the market, going to every doctor, whether conventional or alternative, and I was eating fruits and grains, knowing that they did not agree with my body.  Where did that leave me?

I love cooking for special diets, so I went back to the kitchen and started experimenting. What I came up with actually launched a restaurant and everyone else felt great! But I still had some hot flashes. I did a book-signing in Canada, and the woman who was my local contact told me she had hot flashes, as well as joint pain, whenever she ate nightshade vegetables, such as potatoes, tomatoes, eggplant and peppers.

After hearing her story, I wanted to make sure I was getting enough healthy oils and fats for optimal nervous system function. Since I tend to get stressed easily, it helped to keep me calm. And that, my friends, is the real secret. The source of most illness is stress. So whatever you can eat to lower your stress level for your body type is key for you.

The following recipe is a gift for you from my cookbook, based on my gluten-free, low-glycemic, allergy-friendly, nightshade free (mostly), vegan to meat restaurant:

Golden Chalice PESTO UN-PASTA

I used to love pasta, but since eating “un-pasta” for so long, it doesn’t even appeal to me anymore! Now I love vegetables in their most flavorful outfits. Our guests at The Golden Chalice loved this dish, too. Serves: 3 – 4 people.

Ingredients:

One medium organic Spaghetti Squash

½ cup thinly sliced organic Red Onion

2 Tblsps. of Unsalted Ghee or virgin Coconut Oil

1 cup Organic Zucchini slices, julienne (cut lengthwise in thin strips)

3 tablespoons Organic Classic Pesto Sauce (recipe follows this one)

1. Cut Spaghetti Squash in half and clean out seeds. (If you don’t have a sharp enough knife to do this, simply bake whole and clean out seeds after baking.

2. Drizzle one tablespoon of Unsalted Ghee on each half (or Grapeseed Oil, if Vegan) cover and bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes or more, depending on whether or not you like your un-pasta “al dente” — a little more chewy. Scoop out two cups of squash, which should now look somewhat like spaghetti. It’s easier to keep in strands using fork to take out.

3. Sautee Onion and Pepper in Grapeseed Oil or organic Unsalted Ghee.

4. Add Zucchini to above and continue to sauté.

5. Add Spaghetti Squash and Pesto Sauce and Blend in well.

Success Secret: On all amounts and measurements in this or any recipe, please adjust to your personal taste.

The key to different eating needs is in variety.

Variations:

1. Top with toasted or sprouted Pine Nuts (Soak for at least four hours, then rinse) and grated Pecorino Romano Cheese (from Sheep) or organic Goat Feta Cheese, if you desire, just before serving.

2. For meat or seafood lovers you may want to add sliced grilled or sautéed organic chicken or shrimp. Have cayenne or crushed red peppers available as condiments for certain friends who love it hot!

3. If you are in a hurry or do not like squash, feel free to use exclusively julienne vegetables such as Zucchini, Red and Yellow Bell Peppers, Onions, etc. for base instead of spaghetti.

Vegans and Dairy-free: Add sprouted Nuts and Seeds or other protein of choice. Nutritional yeast in place of cheese, or almond –cheese, available in health stores.

See how Debbie answers our Identity Five Questions:

1. What have you accepted within yourself and/or within your life? Is there anything you are working on accepting?

Accepting the fact that health and life are never perfect, but I’m learning more compassion with every turn of events, every discomfort.

2. What do you appreciate about yourself or your life?

I love that I can be a loving vehicle for Divine Spirit even more as I experience the challenges life brings and can laugh at myself more!

3. What have you achieved, or what are you working to achieve personally, physically, or mentally?

I’ve achieved peace of mind, mostly, and a wonderful life that is exactly what I’ve created: working part-time at home in a beautiful log cabin on a river, staying young at heart and even physically, compared to most, still being creative in my career and opening my heart more and more to the lovely gifts life brings daily, from the deer outside to the great food in my kitchen!

4. What is your no-so-perfect way? We are all unique with quirks and imperfections, so why not flaunt them and embrace them!

I’m prone to being hard on myself and pushing myself too hard, not trusting life to work as it should at times, but thinking it’s up to me alone!

5. How would you complete this sentence, “I Love My…” This has to be about you, physically or mentally.

I love my way of being mentally positive in the most dire of situations.

Debbie Johnson is author of Fun with GF/LG Food and former executive chef/owner of The Golden Chalice Restaurant and Gallery (GF/LG, allergy-friendly establishment). Visit http://glutenfreefun.com for more information.

Welcome to the NATIONAL “I LOVE MY…”MISSION!  Mark your calendar for this year and EVERY YEAR from now on!
WHEN: the ENTIRE month of February 

Valentine’s Day is the day we are suppose to express our love for significant others. In addition to that, I want it to be a month long celebration of not only expressing our love for others, but expressing our love to ourselves. So what if you don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend this Valentine’s Day! You have yourself to love, and by loving yourself, you will be able to better love others.

Click LEAP TO LOVE YOURSELF IN 29 DAYS! to receive the videos directly in your inbox!

Engage with us for the 29 days here with our FaceBook Leap to Love Yourself event page!

Week 1: Accept

Week 2: Appreciate

What you can do now:

1. Post a comment completing the sentence: I Love My…

2. Register for free to receive our video and activities for the 29 days!

3. Share this mission with all the women you know!

4. Leap to Love yourself now because…why wouldn’t you?

By Esther Joesph

Domestic violence is an aggressive confrontation between family or household members. These altercations involve physical injury, or the fear of physical harm, destruction of property, and sexual assault. These family units may include spouses or former spouses, current or ex-partners, relatives through blood or marriage, and those with birth or legal connections.

In 1992, The America Medical Association reported domestic violence as the leading cause of injury to women between the ages of 15 and 44. Three to four million women are beaten each year by their partner or spouse, one every 15 seconds. Thirty percent of female homicide victims are killed by their partners or ex-partners, 1,500 women are murdered as a result of domestic violence each year. A 1995 national study found that 31 percent of women surveyed admitted to having been physically assaulted by a husband or boyfriend.

Given these staggering statics, it would seem likely that almost everyone knows someone who is being physically abused in their home—they just don’t know it. Victims of domestic violence become experts at hiding their suffering and pretending as if nothing is wrong. They have to, because in most cases they are threatened with more abuse if they share their secret and expose their abusers. Since most abusers were abused themselves, they know how the cycle of abuse works and they become experts at intimidating their victims, convincing them that the abuse is their fault. As a result, abusers and victims appear friendly affable people in healthy relationships. But behind closed doors, the truth is revealed.

If you suspect someone is being abused, it is your responsibility to talk to them about your suspicions. But before you do, educate yourself on the subject, especially on the different types of abuse. And be sure to confirm your initial suspicion with more proof.

Here are some signs to look for:

Bruises—are the most obvious sign of abuse; victims usually try to hide them with makeup or clothing.

Clothing—take notice of change in clothing or unusual fashion choices that would allow marks or bruises to be hidden. For example, if they wear long sleeves during the dog days of summer.

Jealousy—victims may not say outright that they are being abused but might try telling in subtle ways. Something they may vent about issues in their relationship but stop short about talking about the abuse. Frequent talk about their partner’s temper or jealousy might be a tip-off.

Prepare yourself for the conversation because it may be unwelcomed and viewed as interfering. Know when to step back, if the person denies the allegation; simply express your concern and willingness to help. Approaching someone and bringing up the topic of abuse is difficult, but worth doing, as you might be saving a life.

Some myths and facts about domestic violence:

MYTH: Domestic violence is an epidemic only among the poor and uneducated.

FACT: Studies show that domestic violence occurs among all types of families, regardless of education, wealth, sexual orientation, and ethnicity. Lower income victims and abusers are indeed over-represented in the statistics, as they are the ones who seek public assistance and services.

MYTH: Only men are abusers.

FACT: According to the statistics and data of the Bureau of Justice, in 2003, 15 percent of reported victims of intimate partner violence were males. The Bureau believes that the number is greater since men often suffer physical abuse in silence for fear of shame and ridicule, therefore, most of the abuse might go unreported.

Esther Francis Joseph was born and raised on the tiny Caribbean island of Saint Lucia. She moved to the U.S. at the age of 16 with her mother and two older bothers. She holds a bachelor’s degree in international affairs from New York University. Her goal is to help others still in the grips of abuse and violence to break the cycle and find a way to a place of healing. She is author of the book Memories of Hell, Visions of Heaven—A Story of Survival Transformation and Hope (www.estherfrancisjoseph.com).

By Marlene

You’ve no doubt heard it said that the way to make God laugh is to tell him your plans. From age 18 on, I planned to find a husband and raise a family. Even though I went to college to become a teacher, I always figured I would be pregnant a few years after teaching and would happily leave the classroom for the nursery.

God must have chuckled indeed over what He had in store for me–a lifetime of teaching other people’s children and never having one of my own. He never ever saw fit to send me a husband….although he sent a few not-so-promising specimens my way.

Over the years, 
I’ve managed to accept my singleness. Yes, there are gentle tugs at my heart whenever I see a woman holding her child in her arms. And yes, I look with envy upon happily married couples. But, I’ve learned to focus on what I have, rather than what I don’t have.

I console myself with examples of friends whose marriages didn’t work out, or acquaintances who give birth to children with desperate needs. Not every family is a perfect family and many require sacrifices I’m not sure I would be capable of making.

Instead, I’ve focused my energies on developing my business, the Center for Professional Development (recently sold to a colleague). It has provided me with many opportunities to travel, to meet interesting people, and to live comfortably.

My work led to book-writing. So far, I’ve written 60 and I’m still going strong. I realize I probably could not have had the career I’ve enjoyed if I had taken time to raise a family. Life, after all, is essentially a trade-off.

Admittedly, I sometimes feel a longing for companionship from the opposite sex (to say nothing of the last word in that prepositional phrase), but I try to remember how fortunate I am to have sisters, a brother, and very good friends. While I actually prefer being 
alone most of the time, I satisfy my social needs by entertaining. I like “clustered” dinner parties, and typically invite a cluster of people who have similar interests.

To illustrate, I recently held a “felini-tea,” at which tea and crumpets /scones/cucumber sandwiches were served. Every guest was asked to bring some way to introduce her feline to the rest of us cat-lovers. There were poems, and paintings, and stories. One woman actually had a PowerPoint presentation!

Another party was a “hospitali-tea.” Guests came with stories of being treated very hospitably at some point in their lives. (One told of a time that she arrived late at a friend’s house but went in, and slept on the couch, as planned. In the morning, she was awakened by a strange man who wanted to know what she was doing there. After learning she had entered the wrong house, he called the intended-hostess and assured her, “Any friend of yours is a friend of mine. Come over. I’ll cook you both breakfast!”)

I no longer tell God my plans but I do thank Him for the unplanned joys of my life.

By Ellen Goldman

I’m sad…

I’m about to share something very personal with you.  I’m compelled to do so.

Family gatherings and parties are some of my very favorite moments in life. I am truly blessed to have a large family of folks who truly admire and enjoy each other.  During the holiday season, we get together often.

After a day surrounded by loving family and loads of great food, I usually return home feeling enormously grateful and happy.  But this last time, something happened and I came home sad.

Cuddling on the couch after dinner with my Mom, she sighed and said, “I can’t wait for all these holidays to be over so I can go back to my diet.  I really want to loose ten pounds this year.  I’m making it my 2012 New Year’s Resolution!”

What!  This is crazy talk.  You see, Mom is turning 91 next month (don’t you dare tell her I told you) and I cannot believe she is still obsessing over her weight.  I’ve been listening to this on and off for as long as I can possibly remember.

My mom was the original Weight Watcher’s kid.  She was always on or off her diet.  Either being “bad” or “good” depending on what the number on the scale said that morning. It was exhausting to listen to, and I can only imagine how exhausting it must have been for her.

I’m quite sure being exposed to this while growing up influenced my choice of careers, although I don’t think I realized that for many years to come.  But what I did realize was there had to be a better way to go through life.  I was not going to spend mine on and off diets, measuring my foods, feeling good about myself one day, and bad the next depending on my food choices.  Or shopping for clothing that “don’t make me look fat.”

And although I figured out a lifestyle that helps me maintain a healthy body weight, and I never go on a diet, Mom did not.  Clearly the extra pounds haven’t affected her longevity.  A few extra pounds don’t affect health as much as some perceive it to.  But what about the stress, the hardships it’s caused her and the emotional lost time?

Now don’t get me wrong…my mother is one of the most optimistic, energetic and dynamic woman you could ever meet.  But it saddens me to think about what this has cost her- stress, emotional energy, decreased self-esteem, aching knees and bad back due to the excess weight, not to mention the cost of the many diet programs and special foods purchased over the years.  More than anything, the thought of all those wasted moments of distress despite the smile she always shows the outside world   To think that those extra pounds could stand in the way of her seeing the totally amazing person she is!  Augh, it makes me want to scream.

Is this a story you can relate to?  Have you been struggling to take off weight, whether ten pounds or a hundred, living your life “on or off” a diet?  If you’ve been living the life of diet, and that’s your solution, you’ll be 91 and still obsessing over what you ate at Thanksgiving dinner.

After working with thousands of clients and hearing stories that sounded way to similar to Mom’s, I knew that something in this environment is making it really hard for people to stay slender, and the solution is not another diet.  That’s just a temporary band-aid, but it’s not fixing the problem.  See the extra pounds aren’t the problem, they are the symptom.  The problem is a lifestyle that’s out of line with keeping a healthy body weight.

Ironically, I haven’t been able to help Mom, but I’ve helped a lot of other people through my one on one coaching.  I’ve changed my own life because of this, and I’ve changed other people’s lives.

The New Year has started, and I know that way too many people put weight loss on their list of New Year’s resolutions yet again. Are you one of them? I think that’s a mistake.  Rather than make a resolution, change your approach and make a plan!

Since that get together, I’ve been obsessed with the idea of how to reach way more than just my private coaching clients.  It has become my mission to teach as many people who I can, that going on a diet is not the answer, and it usually makes things worse!

If you want to lose weight and keep it off once and for all, you must give up the idea of finding the perfect diet.  Instead, begin to replace the idea of weight loss with eating for health and happiness.  Eat often and eat light.  Eat when you are hungry, and stop when you are satisfied. Enjoy the foods that you know promote health and well-being, and keep sweets and junk food as an occasional indulgence, not a daily occurrence. Food is fuel, not a cure for boredom, anger, stress or loneliness.

Get clear on why it is important for you to take off the extra pounds.  Think about how carrying around the excess weight has been weighing you down not just physically, but emotionally.  Being relieved of the emotional burden, feeling comfortable in your own skin, and being able to have a normal relationship with food is a lot more motivating than fitting into skinny jeans.

Do the foundational work needed to achieve permanent weight loss before trying to change your food intake.  Determine your compelling motivators for change, explore your commitment and confidence level, prepare your environment and get support.  Permanent weight loss and a healthy relationship with food is possible, and worth striving for.  The answer is inside your heart, not inside the latest diet book, magic pill or drink.  You can do this, and I would love to help you.

Ellen Goldman created EnerG Coaching, LLC, to help people struggling with issues such as weight loss, stress management, getting in shape, life satisfaction, and other health related problems that can be affected by lifestyle changes. For information on her group coaching program, Mastering the Inner Game of Weight Loss, starting soon, or private coaching with Ellen,  please contact her at 973-535-8891 or ellen@EnerGcoaching.com

Acceptance is the key to any type of recovery.  Women often look to better themselves as if continuously trying to recover from the person that they are.  Identity Magazine’s EIC Susan Vernicek weighs in on the world of women when it comes to dieting, self-help books, and images.  Accept yourself now in order to be happier in the future.

By Susan Vernicek

You don’t need to look for greener grass. Three out of four women are unhappy with the way they look or feel and nine out of 10 women that answer our “I Love My” question without us guiding them, answer with a loving “family, kids, life,” etc. It is clear that women tie the way they feel to their circumstances and image. That’s why diet and self-help books are best sellers, and is the number one category for book retailers. Many of us women think we need to change ourselves in order to be happier. But, self-help programs aren’t the answer, at least not at first.

We must start with acceptance. Women can be happy with who they are without feeling the need to constantly change themselves and it begins with recognizing the traits that create our unique identities. I have mentored thousands of women to increase their confidence as the editor of Identity Magazine, and I suggest writing in a journal as the entry point to happiness. I believe writing is not only therapeutic, but a key to self discovery and becoming happier.

Susan Vernicek

Here are three simple tips to accept yourself through journal writing, even for those who are not writers.

1. Acknowledge Your Qualities: You must know who you are in order to accept yourself. Most self-esteem experts suggest listing out your best traits and the things you love. However, this can be a stumbling block for women who struggle with self-esteem. Instead, I advise you to dump it all out on paper – the good, the bad, and the ugly. Self-love is not about perfection or success. Your qualities make up the overall package of the things you are proud of, your failures, your personality traits, your quirks, and imperfections—mentally and physically. Knowing yourself inside and out is the first step to acceptance.

2. Release and Let Go: Each of us has had an experience that can affect the way we feel about ourselves, and deeply impact our self-esteem: harmful relationships, unhappy bosses, competitive friendships, a family at war, or even going up or down a size in jeans. I suggest you release and let go of these experiences, and remember, our experiences do not make up who we are. We can learn from them, but they shouldn’t define our identities. Simply releasing opens us up to accepting ourselves and our past situations.

3. Use what works:  Journaling doesn’t require a pen and paper or traditional journal at all. Find what works for you. If you are a computer person, sit with your laptop, if you are an extrovert, speak it out loud and video yourself! For talkers, buddy up with a close friend and chat it out. For those that are angst-filled and need to actively release, do something liberating like using lipstick to mark up your mirror with your thoughts.

I hope you find these first three steps valuable and consider taking action right now.