Ellen Goldman EnerG Coaching

Question: It’s the holiday season and I do not know how to manage my eating habits. I cook the junk for the holidays and I eat it, too. How do I say no? I know mental strength is weak during the holidays.  Any suggestions?

Answer:  First and foremost, begin to change your inner talk.  Telling yourself, “I do not know how to manage my eating habits. I know mental strength is weak during the holidays,” already sets you up for failure.  You expect to have trouble, therefore you do.  If you do a good job of managing your eating habits at other times of the year, there’s no reason why you can’t use that strength during the holiday season.  Remind yourself, “I do a great job of managing my foods the rest of the year, so despite the increase in treats accessible during this season, I have the determination to continue eating healthy.”  By empowering your thoughts, you’ll empower your actions.

Secondly, follow the same smart guidelines you do everyday.  Don’t skip meals. Eat often and eat light. Choose a combination of healthy grains, veggies, fruits and lean protein. Keep up your exercise routine, even if you need to cut back on the duration of your sessions if pressed for time.  Don’t show up at parties hungry.  As far as cooking “junk” for the holidays, why not try lightening up some of your traditional recipes, or try out some new healthier ones.  I am sure your guests will appreciate new choices at the buffet table.  If you do cook or bake some indulgent treats, either do so in advance if they can be frozen, or prepare them right before your events so you won’t be staring at the goodies for days on end.  Begin to visualize how great you will feel when the season is over when you are still feeling healthy and on track with your wellness goals.  The more you imagine and picture yourself doing great at this time of year, the more that reality will come true.  Happy holidays!

Question: I am currently single again after a few years, now I do not know what to do with my time. I feel like I have so much free time.  

Answer:  Transitioning from being a couple to being a single can often be quite difficult.  Even if you are OK with the breakup, you may be feeling lost as to who you are without a partner by your side.  However, despite the fact that change is often scary and hard, it also offers opportunities that can be exciting and growth producing.  Begin to ask yourself some questions, such as, “What did I like to do as a child that I’ve forgotten about now that grown up responsibilities have come into my life?”  Did you draw, do jigsaw puzzles, or ice skate?  “What activities do I look forward to when on vacation, that I never seem to do at home?”  Try visiting a museum. Pretend you are a tourist and visits the sights in your town, or take a walking tour. “What have I always said I would like to do if I had the time?”  Want to learn to play piano or paint?  Write the novel you’ve had in your mind for years?  Did you ever dream about cooking vegetarian recipes or baking bread?  How about taking a class in one of these activities.  You will learn a new skill and possibly make some new friends.

One more idea; nothing feels better than volunteering and giving of yourself to others.  You can visit nursing homes and brighten the lives of many lonely individuals.  Perhaps becoming a Big Sister to a child who doesn’t have a mom would feel rewarding and certainly fill some of your lonely hours.  If you love animals, the shelters are always looking for help.  Use your imagination, bravely try out some new things, and soon you’ll be doing things that make you happy, without worrying about anyone else.  You may even find that alone time is not so bad after all.  Then when you least expect it, someone new will enter your world.

Question:  What are some tips to improve my mental fitness that will help me get through the physical fitness?

Answer:  When you refer to “mental fitness” what you are really asking about is how to increase motivation.  Motivation is the energy, the jet fuel that drives us, to do things we may not want to in the moment because we value the outcome. Examine your reasons for participating in a fitness routine, until you find why you want to exercise, versus all the reasons why you should exercise. In order for motivation to be sustained, you have to feel not only that you are doing this because it is something you want (intrinsically motivated) but also that we are competent at what it is we are doing.  So, if you have reasons to exercise that are meaningful to you, not because your mother, boyfriend or doctor thinks you should, there is a better chance that you’ll stick to a fitness program.  And, if you find an activity that you are comfortable with and feel that you do well, that will help too.  If you feel awkward and uncomfortable in a spinning class, but love the feel of being on a bike outside, obviously you’ll be more motivated to take to the road.  So the formula for improving your mental fitness to get through your physical fitness is tune into what’s driving you (your big reason why) and find things that you are good at, and you enjoy doing.  Experiment with lots of possibilities until you find the mode of exercise that you can look forward to and compels you to get through your workouts.

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Ellen Goldman EnerG Coaching

Question: 

I am a pretty disciplined individual, but some days it seems I just can’t get motivated.  Whether it’s exercise, or working on a project, it doesn’t really matter.  I want to get it done, but can’t seem to get in to motion.  Any ideas?

Answer: 

We all have days when we are feeling unmotivated or lethargic.  Sometimes it’s our bodies way of telling us it needs a rest.  So if you don’t have a day in the week where you can kick back and do nothing, or just do what is fun for you, that might be the simple answer.  Build it in to your week, and you’ll come back feeling refreshed and rejuvenated.

However, if you already do a pretty good job of balancing relaxation time with work time, for the jump-start trick when it really needs to get done, try this.  Tell yourself that you will commit to “working” on the task (exercise/work/cleaning, etc.) for 20 minutes and then you have permission to stop.  Set a kitchen timer or your cell phone alarm.  Chances are once you get started, you’ll persist until it’s done, and just shut and ignore the buzzer.  But if it goes off, and you really can’t seem to get into whatever it is you are trying to accomplish, just reschedule it for another day and time.  When you are totally uninspired, you probably wouldn’t do a good job even if you forced yourself to persist.

Question: 

Last year, my youngest child started school full time, and I started my own business.  For the first time in years, my days are more sedentary than active, as I spend many hours at my home office desk.  I have begun to experience pain, tightness and tension in my neck and shoulders.  I’m working out as I always have, but can’t seem to get rid of the discomfort.  Could my new profession be harming my body?

Answer: 

This a very good chance that your job is wrecking havoc with your body, but that doesn’t mean you need to close up shop.  First, let’s take a look at your desk ergonomics; that’s a fancy way of looking at your efficiency in your working environment.  Are you sitting in a well-constructed task chair, or using an old folding one?  Using a laptop rather than a full screen computer?  Are you on the phone a lot, and if so, do you use a headset?  Investing in a great chair, a full screen monitor and a headset should be your very first business expense.

Keeping you feeling good is essential to the success of your business.  When you work, do you take a break every 60-90 minutes to get up, move your body and stretch a bit?  If not, start setting the timer on your smart phone or computer to go off and remind you to take a break.  Lastly, begin incorporating chest and low back stretches into your workout routine.  With a few adjustments to your work environment and exercise routine, you should be feeling much better very quickly.  And as your business begins to turn a profit, a monthly massage will do you a world of good to ease any aches and pains.  And what a great way to relax and reward your hard work.

Question: 

Why am I always so tired?  I exercise a few times a week, and usually go to bed at a decent hour, but I always feel so draggy and lethargic.  Any ideas on how to get more energy?

Answer: 

Low energy levels and constant fatigue are common complaints for many people.  Often simple lifestyle changes can make a huge difference.  First take a look at how well you are nourishing yourself during the day.  Never go more than three and a half to four hours without eating, and make sure all your meals and snacks have a combination of some lean protein, complex carbohydrate and a small amount of healthy fat.  Dehydration, especially in warm environments, often is masked as fatigue.  So drink water or non-caffeinated, low-sugar beverages all day.

When you exercise, work at an intensity level that is enough to give you health benefits, but don’t push way beyond your aerobic capacity.  Pushing yourself to the max will often do more harm then good and cause exhaustion rather than leaving you energized.  Although you go to sleep at a reasonable hour, do you wake up feeling refreshed?  Interrupted sleep, which can be caused by so many different things, could be keeping you from the restorative nature of a good night’s sleep no matter how many hours you spend in bed.

Lastly, an overabundance of stress, without a way to manage it, can lead to feelings of fatigue and depression, and certainly sap your energy.  After making some adjustments to your daily habits, if you are still feeling drained and exhausted, a doctor or other qualified health professional should be consulted to rule out illness, chronic disease or medication side effects.

Question: 

I’ve been working hard to take off a few extra pounds by changing my eating habits and increasing my exercise.  I do great all week, but come the weekend, no matter how careful I think I’ve been, on Monday mornings the scale is back up.  Happy hour on Friday, and dinners out on Saturday and Sunday which include cocktails and wine, are part of what I look forward to all week.  How can I get the excess weight off without giving up my weekend socializing?

Answer: 

Quite often I find that the big difference between the week and weekend is alcohol consumption.  Alcohol and weight loss do not have to be enemies, and an occasional drink can have a place in a healthy diet.  However, too much consumption can lead to packing on the pounds.  Alcohol contains 7 calories per gram, and offers no nutritional value, so it only adds empty calories to your diet.  Since many drinks are also made by mixing the alcohol with high calorie juices, syrups or sodas, cocktails could add up to the calories of a small meal.  Coupled with the fact that alcohol lowers our inhibitions and increases appetite, you might be a less diligent about how much you’re eating.

So how can you go out and stay in control?  Take a few minutes before going to remind yourself why it is important to you to lose the weight, and ask yourself, “How do I want to feel when I weigh myself on Monday?”  Make an educated decision before you go about what and how much you will drink.  Wine and light beer has the least amount of calories.  Mix alcohol with either club or diet soda.  Ask the bartender to remove the snacks or put them in front of someone else. Wait to order your drink when your food is served.  If you do have more than one drink, commit to drinking a glass of water or club soda in between.  This will slow the alcohol effects, keep you hydrated and alert.  Keep in mind that your socializing should be about the company you are with, not how much you drink.

HAVE A QUESTION FOR ELLEN?

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Ellen Goldman EnerG Coaching

QUESTION: Do you have any tips that would help me get started with being balanced, mentally and physically?

Before you can go searching for balance, you need to define what that means to you.  A good place to begin is to ask yourself, “What are the things that are really important to me?  What are my core values?”  If being physically fit is extremely important to you, you must make sure that you take time to participate in exercise that will support your achieving an optimum level of fitness.  If life-long learning is a great part of what makes you feel fulfilled, how much time do you devote to reading, taking classes or learning new skills?  Most people feel balanced and fulfilled when their day to day actions are in alignment with their core values, and discontent or “out of balance” when they do not.  Once you have a clear picture of the things that matter most to you, begin planning where you will fit them into your life. 

QUESTION: I find that my motivation isn't where I would like it to be. I have motivation, but want more.

It’s easy to say “I am highly motivated to (fill in the blank), because…”  And we usually believe that it’s true.  But then we are confused as to why we don’t do the things we need to do to accomplish our goals.  Let me give you an example. Say you feel really motivated to lose five pounds.  And your reason is because you want to fit back into your favorite skinny jeans.  You swear you’ll head to the gym everyday after work, but you’re just too tired.  So you skip a few too many workouts, but all week you’re sticking to the healthy eating plan that you’re sure will help get those pounds off.  But when the weekend rolls around, too many drinks with friends and dinners in restaurants with little thought to what you order or how much you eat, sabotage the healthy week days.

When it comes right down to it, fitting into the skinny jeans is really not that important after all.  You’ve managed to buy a new pair that fit, and you do look OK.  So motivation fades.  Next time you say you are motivated to do something, ask yourself this question, “What’s so great about….”  Here’s how it might go, “What’s so great about fitting into my skinny jeans?”  Well, when I’m wearing them I feel great.  And what's so great about feeling great?  When I’m feeling great, I have more confidence.  And what’s so great about feeling confident?  When I feel confident, I flirt more.  So….. When I flirt more, I meet more men who usually ask for my number.  So…the more men I get to date, the better the chances are that I will one day meet my soul mate.  Bingo!  You just found more motivation.  A reason to forgo immediate gratification for the big payoff.  Gym before drinks?

QUESTION: A few times a week I work out really hard early in the morning. I want to go right back to bed because I kind of can, but know I should just shower and start my day.  I have been going back to sleep and wake up feeling like crap because I feel like I am being lazy. Any suggestions?

Sure. First, make sure you have a healthy breakfast waiting for you after your workout, which includes a combination of a complex carbohydrate, lean protein and a small amount of healthy fat.  That will give you the energy you need to refuel your muscles and wash away the fatigue after a tough workout. A veggie omelet with lo-fat cheese or avocado, with some whole wheat toast would be perfect.  Also, drink plenty of water during and after your exercise.  Dehydration can mask itself as fatigue, making you want to go back to bed.

Second, what does “start your day mean?" Do you have activities planned or goals set that are meaningful to you?  The more purposeful and fulfilling our lives are, the more excited we are to get up and go.  Perhaps you can schedule something to look forward to for an hour or so after your workout.  Give yourself just enough time to shower and dress, and then plan to meet someone perhaps for a healthy brunch, a cup of coffee, or to work on a common project.  If a friend or colleague is waiting for you outside your house, you surely won’t crawl back into bed. If you are a freelancer, and can do your work from home whenever you want, you might want to consider renting some office space instead.

Lastly, make an agreement with yourself that you will “start your day” right after your workout, and plug away until lunch.  If you still feel the need to crawl into bed, allow yourself a short nap.  Chances are once you get going you’ll be fine, but just knowing that a guilt free afternoon snooze is permitted will help get you over the morning inertia.  Keep it to no more than 30 minutes or you really will feel like crap!

QUESTION:

I started my own business a few years ago hoping to give me the flexibility to make my own hours and not answer to a boss.  I am a solopreneur, and I find myself working all the time. There always seems to be one more thing to do, and I am neglecting my family and my health. I have no flexibility! I don’t want to give up this business; it’s my passion and what I had always dreamt of doing.  But now I find myself exhausted, frustrated and very close to burning out.  What can I do so that I continue to grow my business but not lose everything else that’s important to me?

So many entrepreneurs go into business thinking the same thing you did.  Here’s this thing I love to do, and I’m good at it.  Why make money for someone else, when I can be in business for myself?  But what no one tells us, is you not only have to do that thing you are so good at, but you also have to run the business.  Suddenly you are in charge of finances, accounting, marketing, public relations, website development, and on and on.  Before you give up, just take some time off to re-evaluate what is it that you really want.

You should build your business around the lifestyle you desire, not have your business dictate your lifestyle.  First and foremost, you must get self-care back on your daily “to-do” list.  Remember, if you fall apart, so will your business.  Getting the proper sleep, exercise and nourishment you need to meet the demands of both your business and your family is vital.  Once you feel better physically, you’ll have more energy, focus and productivity.

Secondly, it may be time to get some help.  Do what you love to do and are good at, and delegate the rest.  New business owners are usually afraid to spend money on help, since they are usually not making much during the start up years. However, if you are wasting a lot of hours on things you are not particularly adept at, those hours could be spent on more income producing pursuits.  You can’t possibly do it all yourself, and you will burn out trying.

There are lots of creative ways to get inexpensive help such as a virtual assistant, interns, high school and college students, even family members.  Begin thinking about the things you can delegate to others, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

Lastly, one of the best investments you can make is working with a good business and/or lifestyle coach.  The right coach can help you shortcut to where you want to go, save you hours researching information they will already have, and help you create not only the business of your dreams but the life of your dreams!

HAVE A QUESTION FOR ELLEN?

Please fill out the form below and your question will be answered in the order it's received. Please continue to check back for your question to be answered. Note: we do not use last names.

Question:

Do you have any tricks/tips to ensure one drinks enough water during the day?  I do not drink enough water and hate the fact that I will have to go to the bathroom every 5 minutes.

Answer:  If you want to drink more water every day, as with any change, you must believe in the benefit of doing so.  Understanding what your personal reasons for doing so are, will motivate you to follow through.

Next, make sure you have some visual reminders.  Post it notes on your computer or bathroom mirror can act as a reminder to drink more water at lunch time, or start your day with a fresh glass.

Each morning, place a fresh water bottle or glass on your office desk, in your car, on your kitchen counter, or anywhere else you spend a significant amount of time.  Commit to finish off each one by the end of the day.  Drinking water is a habit, like any other healthy lifestyle change you embark upon, and your efforts shouldn’t go unnoticed.

Create an incentive system to reward your efforts.  That being said, you will probably notice some positive changes that in itself will be motivating.  Since dehydration often masks itself as fatigue, you may feel more energetic.  Skin needs to be hydrated both inside (drinking water) and outside (with daily moisturizers), so you’ll enjoy less dryness, flaking and a healthier glow.  As far as running to the bathroom often, the body really does adjust.

Yes, you’ll visit there more often, but as your cells adjust to using the water efficiently, the frequency of the urge will lessen.  And isn’t that a small price to pay for vitality and good health?

Question:

I'm a mother of two and I can't find the time to work out.  I am constantly making excuses and just can't seem to find the balance between working, being a wife and a mother.

Answer:  Yup, balancing family time, career and “me” time is most definitely a challenge, but it is possible.  It begins with realizing that the time you devote to taking care of yourself will pay you back tenfold when it comes to health, happiness, efficiency and well-being.  We all live incredibly busy lives, but for most, quite sedentary.

Exercise is vitally important to staying healthy, not to mention the energy it produces, and the stress relief it offers.  If you are not well, if your energy level is poor, and you have no opportunity to release some of the tension that busy lives create, you will not function optimally as a wife, mom or career woman.  Once you embrace that exercise is not a luxury, but a necessity, it will be easier to commit to getting your workout in.  It takes planning, and support.

Talk to your husband about your desire to stay healthy by including exercise into your week.  Perhaps you can trade off visits to the gym, or put Dad in charge of one weekend morning so you can go for a jog.  Is exercise during your lunch break an option?  Figure where best to fit it in, schedule into your calendar, and treat it with the same significance you would any other appointment.  Last but not least, congratulate yourself for role modeling the importance of exercise and self-care for your children.  By taking care of yourself, you are taking care of them and helping to assure their healthy future, and that they will have a healthy and happy Mom.

Question:

I'm having difficulty balancing work and life.  I can't stop thinking about work, even when I am trying to sleep.  I'm not sure how to let go when I am out of the office.  Any advice/tips?

Answer:  Before you can begin to maintain balance between your work and home life, you might want to ask yourself, “What is it that makes it difficult for you to stop thinking about work?”  Do you have so many responsibilities that it isn’t possible to complete them all within a reasonable number of daily work hours? Are unfinished work tasks leaving you overwhelmed and worried?   Are you a perfectionist to a fault, meaning even when a job is complete, you ruminate over how to continue to improve it?  Are you confused about the best steps to take to grow in your career and or grow your entrepreneurial business?

Knowing why you can’t stop thinking about the job will help you find the how to stop thinking about it when doing other things.  Balance requires you to develop skills in many things; being efficient and focused with your time, having a specific daily plan that is leading towards compelling goals, learning to delegate tasks and chores to others who can help, drawing firm boundaries between your work life and home life, and staying fully engaged in one activity you at a time.  My best advice is to figure out the cause of your problem, and then work towards a solution.  If doing so on your own feels daunting, consider working with a business or lifestyle coach.

Having a well balanced life that allows you to feel efficient and accomplished in your career and enjoy time away from work is challenging, but possible.  After all, do we want to live to work, or work to live? 

Question:

What would you say are the first 3 steps to try to balance my physical well-being with my eating habits?

Answer:  There is an old expression, you are what you eat.  Your nutritional habits will have a direct impact on how you feel all day; not only physically, but mentally and emotionally as well.  Since you asked about your eating habits, here are my suggestions for the first 3 steps to take.

1.  Eat often and eat light.  Don’t allow yourself to get too hungry or too stuffed.  You should never go more than four hours without food.

2.  Strive to eat a well balanced diet that includes plenty of fruits and vegetables, lean protein, a small amount of the healthy fats, and whole grains that are high in fiber and low in sugar.

3.  Eat foods as close to their natural state as you can manage.  If it doesn’t grow in the ground, can’t be picked from a tree, run through the fields, fly in the sky or swim in the ocean, it probably doesn’t belong as a regular part of your diet.  Keep in mind, however, moderation is the key.

An occasional food “treat” will not damage a diet that is overall healthy and well balanced.  To achieve optimal well-being and health, you want to focus not only on what, when and how much you eat, but also on maintaining a physically active lifestyle, managing your stress, and making time for the people and things in your life that bring you joy.

HAVE A QUESTION FOR ELLEN?

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Question:

I’ve been out of work for a few months, and am beginning to feel sad and lethargic.  At first I was working at looking for a new job everyday, but now I can’t seem to force myself to even look at the want ads once a week.  I’ve gained five pounds, feel sluggish and bored.  I sleep too late, watch TV, and just feel unmotivated to do anything.  How can I get back on track to job search, and get back into the world of the living?

Answer:

It is very hard to keep an upbeat attitude and motivated to stay in the job search when you have experienced months of rejection.  However, be kind to yourself, and remember that it is a difficult time for anyone job hunting.  That being said, it’s all the more reason why you’ll need to put your best self forward when opportunity does come knocking.  My first suggestion would be to create a daily schedule for yourself.  Right now, your job is to job hunt.  So, attempt to go to bed and get up at the same time each weekday, as if you were going to work.  Start your day with a workout, and you’ll immediately begin to feel better, emotionally and physically.  Create a list of tasks to do each day, and spend a couple of hours at your desk going through them.  Check want ads, send out resumes, go to networking meetings and let people know the field you are looking into working in.  Consider doing some volunteer work.  Aside from creating a reason to get up and out, it will look much better on your resume than a blank period of time.  Behavioral scientist have shown that people who volunteer having a higher self-esteem, are happier and more optimistic.  Great traits to keep you going through these tough times.  Lastly, make sure you put a few social things on your calendar each week and force yourself to go even if you don’t feel like it.  The more you are out, the better you’ll feel, and the greater the chances of connecting with someone who just might know about the perfect job for you.

Question:

The holiday season is coming, and I am in a panic.  Even though I promise myself I won’t, I always gain weight between Thanksgiving and New Years.  There are festive foods in my office, my kids want to bake holiday cookies (which I can’t resist), I receive food gifts from friends and business associates, and of course there are all those holiday parties and dinners.  With the added pressure of buying gifts and fitting in all the social engagements, my exercise routine slips as well.  Help!  I don’t want to spend the beginning of the new year struggling to take off the added weight.  Any suggestions?

Answer:

Absolutely!  But before I give you loads of tips and ideas, ask yourself these questions.  How important is it to you that you start off the new year feeling healthy and fit?  What is your inner voice telling you? – If you are telling yourself that you always gain weight and you will this year too, you probably will.  Make a declaration right now that feels positive and exciting to you, such as, “It is important to me that I feel fit, healthy and strong all year long no matter what the season, and I will do what needs to be done to get through the holidays feeling that way!”  Now, begin to plan.  Take a look at your calendar and start scheduling in the time to shop for gifts early or on-line.  Rearrange your exercise sessions to mornings or lunch hour if you have many evening holiday obligations.  Never show up at parties hungry.  Keep to your healthy eating plan.  When you do indulge in holiday treats, make sure it’s what you love, not just something you take because it represents the holidays.  Regift some of the food gifts, and package up some of the holiday cookies you bake and give them away.  Be creative, and figure out what makes sense for your lifestyle. Keep your goal in mind – to maintain your current weight throughout the holiday season.  Now create a plan that will help you do so. It begins with the mind shift first!  Then your behavior will change.

Question:

I know that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, but lately I wake up and I’m just not hungry.  Actually, some mornings, I still feel stuffed, as though I have just eaten.  I’ve taken to skipping breakfast, but then I am ravenous by lunchtime, and tend to overeat.  What’s going on?

Answer:

If you are waking lacking in appetite and feeling stuffed, there’s a good chance you are taking in too many calories too late at night.  Has something about your schedule changed?  Are you working later, eating dinner later, and then heading straight to bed?  Or perhaps you are staying up late munching on snacks.  In either case, you not giving you body a chance to use the food as fuel, since sleep requires so little.  Try shifting to an earlier dinner hour, and avoid eating for two to three hours before going to sleep.  If that’s not possible, think about making lunch your main meal of the day, and eat a much lighter dinner.  Some find it helpful to think breakfast foods for dinner.  A bowl of cereal and milk or scrambled eggs will take away the hunger without forcing the body to digest a heavy meal when it’s closing down for slumber.  In the morning, eat something within 60 minutes of waking, even if it’s just a small piece of fruit or piece of toast.  Then plan for a mid-morning healthy snack or second more substantial breakfast a few hours later.  That should help with the out of control hunger at lunch time.  If after trying some of the above suggestions, you still find yourself uncomfortably full upon waking, mention it to your doctor to rule out any medical digestive disorders.

Question:

A few years ago I decided to embark on a healthy lifestyle journey.  I began exercising for the first time, and now I love it and look forward to my weekly workouts.  I’ve changed my diet to include fresh fruits and veggies, lean protein and only healthy fats, and I’ve practically eliminated all processed foods from my diet.  I refuse to skimp on sleep, and get 7-8 hours almost every night.  My problem is my husband is not so keen on my new regimen.  He complains there is nothing in the house he enjoys eating,  that I’m no fun because I won’t hang at the local bar where we used to meet our friends several nights a week, and I’m always at the gym.  I love my husband, and I don’t want to fight about this, but I feel too great to ever go back to our old ways.  How can I stay healthy and keep my marriage healthy too?

Answer:

Sounds like it’s time for some open and honest communication, and some compromise.  But before rushing in to state your case and defend your new lifestyle, take a look in the mirror and ask yourself some honest questions.  Have you begun to preach and nag at your husband, desperately trying to convince him to adopt your ways?  Do you brush off social engagements to go to the gym, or complain if he goes out to the bar without you?  Any chance you comment on his food choices when they are what you now declare off limits?  If you answer yes to any of these, it’s time to remember where you were before you changed your habits.  How kindly would you take to others criticizing your choices.  Keep in mind everyone must come to their own decisions in their own time.  Once you decide that you will accept where your husband is at this time, hold fast to others learning from your quiet example.  By all means share how great you are feeling, but don’t preach.  Let him know how important sticking to your new habits are, but brainstorm ideas of where you can compromise and both end up happy.  Look for the win-win.  Head to the gym at times that won’t interfere with your social life or couple time.  Tell your husband he can shop for the foods he wants and give him his own cabinet or drawer.  Perhaps going out late on the weekends will work, and catching a quick power nap in the afternoon.  By working together you’ll find a way that will support both your lifestyles and your marriage. 

HAVE A QUESTION FOR LISA?

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Question: I recently got promoted to a new position at work.  I’m thrilled and everyone is giving me the feedback that I am doing a good job.  My problem is I am finding myself procrastinating with a very important project that must get done.  It’s not my nature to put things off, and doing so is causing me stress.  I’m beginning to loose sleep over this, worrying about it.  Every night I promise myself I will get started the next day, but instead I waste hours doing other tasks, leaving myself no time for this one.  How can I stop procrastinating and just get the job done?  I am so afraid that I will lose this great new promotion!

Answer:  Before you can figure out how to stop procrastination, you need to ask yourself why you are doing so. The reason will tell you what your first step towards completion should be. Perhaps the magnitude of the project is so huge, you feel overwhelmed.  If that’s the case, commit to making a prioritized list of every step or task that must be done to get the whole job complete.  Breaking it into small, manageable parts, and assigning a time to work on one piece at a time will give you the roadmap to completion. Or maybe you really don’t understand what’s expected of you, so you need more information.  Go to your boss, a colleague or anyone you can think of that will know, and ask for some clarification. If self-doubt is plaguing you, and you are really afraid you won’t do the job well, think how much worse it will be if you don’t do it at all. Commit to a “first draft” done without concern for being perfect, and go back to polish and fine tune later. If all else fails, commit to 20 minutes first thing every morning before doing anything else.  Set a timer on your computer, if need be, and just buckle down.  Knowing you only have to work at it for a brief period of time will help, and you might even find yourself getting absorbed once you get started.  Don’t forget to build in a reward for after – a brief break with a great cup of latte, or follow it up with work you find fun and inspiring.  Once you get started your stress levels will immediately reduce, and sleep should return. 

Question:  What methods/hypnosis-meditation etc can you learn to change your inner-critic to inner cheerleader/motivator…basically re-frame your thinking?

Answer:  Changing your inner voice from critic to cheerleader has more to do with your awareness of what you are doing and the desire to change, than any particular process. If you recognize the voice in your head is being overly critical or sabotaging, the great news is you get to talk back.  Because that voice is yours!  Just as you wouldn’t allow anyone else to verbally abuse you, or you wouldn’t use that talk on someone you love, make the decision that you won’t accept that kind of talk on yourself. Tell yourself, STOP!  Then state what you would tell someone you care deeply for if they were talking about themselves that way. “So, I made a mistake, everyone does.  Learn from it and move on.” “OK, so I didn’t do so great with my food plan today, but I’ve been doing a super job all week. This situation was challenging.  I’ll do better tomorrow.”  “No, you are not stupid, fat, ugly; ……you’re just not feeling great right now.  I’ll go work out, because that always makes me feel better.”  See what I mean?  You might even want to practice in the mirror, talking back to yourself out loud.  Just make sure you have some privacy. LOL!  If you notice that a particular situation keeps bringing up that gremlin, such as your body image, relationships, or your ability to balance your career and home life, working with a wellness coach could prove helpful.  Quieting your inner critic has a lot to do with building self-esteem and self-efficacy. If this is a problem that plagues you all the time, consider working with a therapist. 

Question: Is it possible to be loved unconditionally by someone other than God? By unconditionally, I mean that another human being fully accepts us and has no expectations for us to be any different than who we are; strengths, weaknesses, quirks and all.

Answer:  I believe it takes a very special kind of person to love another unconditionally, but yes, it is very possible.  And I think it starts with “self-love”.  When you are able to appreciate your strengths, understand your own weaknesses, and accept your “quirks and all”, than it becomes easy for someone else to do so as well.  If you fall madly in love with the person you are, it is contagious, and others will want to love you that way too. That being said, if you feel great about yourself and confident in your own value and worth, you won’t waste time with anyone who won’t accept you unconditionally.  Just keep in mind that that does not mean another will agree or support all your personal habits, quirks and beliefs, but they will respect those differences and love you despite them.

Question:  This past year I lost quite a bit of weight through healthy eating and daily walking. I’m feeling great about myself, my blood pressure has decreased, and my cholesterol levels have changed favorably. My problem is I am having a hard time maintaining the loss. I haven’t changed my eating habits since losing the weight, but it seems so hard to keep the pounds off.  When they begin to creep up, I cut back on my calories, which leaves me feeling hungry, tired and irritable.  Help! I like my new body and want to keep it.

Answer:  The sad truth is that maintaining weight loss is often much more difficult than losing weight. Once you have taken off a significant amount of weight, your body no longer needs the same number of calories to function as it did when you were heavier. However, you don’t want to decrease too low, and I would encourage you to aim for approximately the same number of calories you were taking in while still losing weight. If you go below that, aside from feeling hungry and irritable, you’ll slow your metabolism and potentially lose more muscle mass, which is exactly what you don’t want to do.  Muscle is metabolically more active than fat tissue, so it requires more calories to exist than fat cells.  So, if you could increase your muscle mass, you’ll be able to maintain the same calorie count and your new body weight. That means it is time to add a strength-training component to your exercise regime. Whether with free weights, machines, bands, calisthenics or strength classes, if you build muscle, maintaining your weight loss will be easier, and you’ll be thrilled with the definition and toning of your new slimmer body. Just be sure to get the help of a good exercise specialist who can teach you proper form and technique to avoid injury.

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Question: I started my own business around three years ago.  I’m doing very well, and pleased with the growth and progress.  However, lately I am finding myself feeling isolated, exhausted, and not nearly as happy as I expected to be.  I work out of a home office, and seem to be working 24/7.  I don’t know how it got like this, and I don’t know how to change it.  There always seems to be one more task to complete, and no time for anything but work.  Help!

Answer: It’s easy to get so wrapped up in nurturing and growing your own business, that the rest of life slips away.  Especially when you work from a home office, and the boundaries between home and work get blurred.  First, begin to analyze where you want to take your business in the future.  If you keep growing, and you are currently doing everything yourself (bookkeeping, marketing, servicing clients, etc.), it’s time to get some help.  Perhaps a virtual assistant or a college student can pick up some of those tasks.  Next, failure to plan means planning to fail!  Create a consistent, systematic approach to your time.  Prioritize your tasks, plug them into your calendar, and keep to the schedule.  Getting involved with a networking group, an occasional lunch out with a best friend, or a group exercise class, will help you to feel less isolated. Lastly, put self-care and time-out on your calendar as if it were a business appointment.  Remember, if you fall apart, so will your business, because you are the business!

Question: My life has gotten to be so crazy, busy.  I fall into bed each night exhausted, and frustrated by all I still need to get done.  And although I haven’t stopped for a minute, I don’t even know what I really accomplished.  How do I get off the roller coaster and start enjoying my life?

Answer: As strange as it may seems, the answer lies in slowing down and taking a break. You need to spend some time evaluating what you are really doing with your time. Is it filled with getting accomplished the things that truly are important to you, or is it life’s urgencies sapping your time and energy. First, take a couple of days to write down what you are doing from hour to hour. You can easily do this by keeping a small memo pad with you. Are there minutes wasted answering phones, checking emails, running to do chores in between work projects?  Are some of the items things you’ve said yes to, that you don’t really find rewarding or important to you?  Just getting a handle on where the hours are disappearing to will help you plan your time more efficiently.

Now, find a quiet place and set aside thirty minutes at the end of the day. Make a list of two or three things that if accomplished the following day would make you relaxed and calmer. Schedule when in your day you will work on those items, and commit to completing them. If a project feels totally overwhelming, break it down into small segments, and work on one at a time. Don’t multi-task. Bunch chores like answering emails and phone calls to one or two specific times. Pick one afternoon a week to do all the chores outside your home.  And most importantly, take a few breaks during the day to recharge. That way you’ll be more focused upon returning to your tasks, which will help avoid careless mistakes due to fatigue. Getting in the habit of pre-planning your days, and keeping no more than 5-6 things on your “to do” list will go a long way towards making you feel back in control. And make sure one of the items on your list includes something fun or meaningful just for you.

Question: I don't want to diet, I'm sick of hearing about diets.  I want a lifestyle eating change, but something slow.  I live such a fast paced life and never get to prepare my food for the day, so breakfast and lunch are never good because I’m rush planning or grabbing something quick.  I just can't get my eating patterns right and stable.  Any ideas?

Answer: I’m so glad to hear you don’t want to go on a diet. The word “diet” infers a program with a stop and start; whereas a lifestyle eating change infers habits you can build and live with for the long haul. So congratulations on exploring a new and better approach! And slow changes are always a better way to go.  A total overhaul of your eating habits will feel overwhelming, but changing one small thing at a time can lead to big results.

First, begin exploring why you feel it is important to change your eating habits. Your reasons must be compelling enough to stick to lifestyle habits you can sustain, even when busy lifestyles make it challenging. Most individuals really do know what they need to do to make positive change, but think they just don’t have the willpower. The key to success is finding the “want” power! Once you find the personal motivators that have value and meaning to you, begin to assess what you are currently doing that does support a healthy eating, and what you do that sabotages good habits. Do more of the positive actions, and slowly reduce or eliminate the sabotaging behaviors. If breakfast and lunch are the problems, try taking one day a week to pre-plan and shop for healthy grab and go items, such as yogurt, fruits, cheese sticks, individual packages of nuts, etc. Pack healthy breakfasts and lunches the night before. Spend a few minutes surfing the net and read the nutritional information from your favorite quick stop restaurants, and you’ll make wiser choices when you do need to grab something quick.

The little bit of time you take to plan in advance will pay you back big time, feeling more in control and the satisfaction of knowing you are making good choices that support your goals. Choose one idea to focus on until it becomes a habit, and then move on to another. That’s when permanent success will feel within reach, and you’ll create the plan that works for you.

Question: I have been working out all my life.  I feel that I have a good understanding of fitness, but I am in such a rut and so bored. I have goals to meet my optimum fitness inside and out.  I can't afford an expensive gym and the gym I go to only has cardio machines…I don't know what else to do. I want to mentally get it together and stop making excuses.

Answer: You obviously feel strongly motivated to stay fit, since you are a lifelong exerciser.  Give yourself credit for staying with your program even though you feel you are in a rut and bored.  Like anything else, if you do the same thing over and over again, it is going to get tedious.  And with exercise, if you don’t periodically change your routine, you’ll stop making progress.  The good news is there are so many options that don’t require expensive gyms and so many ways to stay fit and strong.  There are relatively inexpensive tools you can purchase for your home, such as medicine and stability balls, elastic bands, kettle bells, a yoga mat and steps.

Your local sporting good store should offer many of these options.  The library, video stores, and Netflix offer many choices of good exercise videos for yoga, strength training, Pilates, dance aerobics, and just about any other form of exercise you would like to try.  Adult education programs and community centers often offer exercise classes at a much more affordable rate than fitness centers.  Also, keep in mind; keeping in shape doesn’t have to mean formal exercise sessions.  Compliment your gym or home routine with outdoor activities when weather permits, such as walking, jogging, hiking or biking. Learn a new sport or reconnect with one you used to enjoy as a kid.  Many towns have adult softball, basketball or soccer leagues.  If you used to love to roller skate or ice skate, check out the local rinks.  And when you do find yourself confined to your old routine, try combining it with something that excites you.  Perhaps a new music list for your iPod or books on tape may be the thing to re-energize your old stand by exercises.  Or, buddy up and exercise with a friend.  Good company will make the time fly by.  And when all else fails, keep focused on the reason you persist with exercise, all the feel good benefits you get from staying active, and congratulate yourself on achieving your goals of optimum fitness inside and out.

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