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“Don’t change because a new year is coming up, but change for your own personal growth; no matter what resolutions you make, they start with you”.
 -Unknown quotes

Every time there is a New Year we hear all about New Year’s resolutions, from losing weight, saving money, joining a gym and of course many more.  February comes and all the hype is gone and many of these resolutions haven’t stuck because we tend to not follow through. We don’t follow through with these resolutions because they are often non- realistic changes or changes that we decided to make to please others, not ourselves. When we create resolutions that are not authentic to what we really want, we tend to not succeed.

We must make the transition for ourselves because we want to and not because someone else wants us too.  I remember when I decided that I needed to change my eating habits and lifestyle to become healthier. It was a decision that I made on my own. Guess what, I accomplished this goal and transitioned into a healthier and happier me. I was so happy with this accomplishment because it was a choice I made on my own.

Think about what you want to work on, what you want to improve and ensure that it is made by you and only you. When we’re the ones making the decisions, it makes it that much more gratifying when we accomplish these lifestyle changes. By making these adjustments in our lives for ourselves, it makes the transition to the new you much smoother and helps us to complete our resolutions.

Remember, resolutions aren’t about changing ourselves. It’s fine tuning; it’s finding our true “Identities.”

Set realistic goals and follow through. New Year transitions should be easy, not hard to follow through with. So make the transition to the new you!

Motherhood – The Act of Being a Mother.  How can such a vaguely defined word have so much meaning?

How can such a simple sounding word be so engrossing, exhilarating and empowering at the same time?  How can one word change your existence forever?

Motherhood – A Life Changing Event.  We all go through them.  Good, bad, happy or sad.  They alter our lives and make us who we are.  But the events that surround motherhood not only alter our lives, they devour us.  Motherhood changes the way we think, feel and behave.  It changes the way we live.  It changes not only who you are but what you are, until YOU are no longer YOU anymore.

Motherhood – A Roller Coaster of Emotions. From the extreme highs that make giving up yourself so amazing to the bottomless lows which can take over in an instant.  No one truly understands how such a simple sounding, vaguely defined word can consume who you are until they let it define who THEY are.

The most grueling, demanding yet astounding act a woman can encounter.

Motherhood – this simple sounding, vaguely defined word means life.

Jodi has set a goal to write a book and is on her path to achieving it!  Please visit her new blog at www.jodiciampa.com.

Over the next several issues of Identity, let’s take a different approach to better understanding our emotions. I’d like to tell you about a book that really helped me get a grasp on how I feel and why. It’s called The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.

In the last Emotion Commotion column, we discussed my favorite (and second) agreement in Don Miguel Ruiz’s book, The Four Agreements – “Don’t Take Anything Personally.” Now we are going to start at the beginning, with the first agreement, which is “Be Impeccable With Your Word.” 

That agreement sounds pretty straight forward, right? Basically, say what you mean, mean what you say. Is that part of what this agreement stands for? Yes. But, let’s take a deeper look at it.

Don Miguel Ruiz says this agreement “is the most important one and also the most difficult one to honor.” Ruiz also says, “Through the word you express your creative power. It is through the word that you manifest everything. What you dream, what you feel, and what you really are, will all be manifested through the word.”

Ruiz also believes that the word is not just a sound or a written symbol; it is a force and a power. Think about it. What we think (words) affects how we feel and how we feel affects our behavior (which really is our force and our power). Words are powerful and are more than just a sequence of vowels and consonants, verbs and nouns.

In The Four Agreements book, Ruiz uses Hitler as an extreme example of how powerful words are and how they can negatively influence and captivate others. By using his words, Hitler created fear and that fear manipulated an entire country and convinced people to commit the most appalling acts of violence.

Think of how the words of others have manipulated you and your beliefs. If, at a young age, someone told you that you were ugly or stupid, you believed them – accepted their opinion as your truth. So, you go through life thinking you are ugly and thinking you are stupid. Ruiz says, “By hooking our attention, the word can enter our mind and change a whole belief for better or for worse.”

This is why it’s important that we do our best to be impeccable with our word. Our word affects everyone – our self included. Impeccable means “without sin.” Although sin has religious connotation, a sin is also, according to Ruiz, anything you do which goes against yourself. In order to be impeccable with your word, you must not use your word – your power – against yourself and your beliefs (negative self talk). While it’s important to take responsibility for your actions, do so without blaming or judging yourself.

We misuse our word more so than not. We use our words to create chaos, to blame, to express anger and jealousy. Our words can divide families, people – even nations. Whenever we hear an opinion and we believe it, we make an agreement and it becomes part of our belief system. That’s why it’s important to recognize that the opinions of others are not necessarily your truth. They only become your truth if you let it.

If you tell yourself things like “I’m fat” or “I’m ugly” or “I’m not enough” you’re using your word to hurt yourself. If you change your self talk to being impeccable (not going against yourself), not only will how you treat yourself change, how you treat others will change as well.

If you feel negative about yourself, perhaps your ego propels you to speak negatively about someone you really care about (in order to make yourself – your ego – feel better). All you are doing is using your word to create unnecessary drama and hurt. If you choose to be impeccable with your word, you will cleanse your mind from the emotional poison that eats away at your soul and eventually gets projected onto your personal relationships.

Ruiz says, “You can measure the impeccability of your word by your level of self love. How much you love yourself and how you feel about yourself is directly proportionate to the quality and integrity of your word.”

As children we all sang the tune, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.” As children, that was a creative and “fun” tactic to use to preserve our developing egos. As adults, we’ve learned all too well that words can and do hurt.

It takes a lot of practice and perseverance to not be affected by others’ words. And Ruiz believes that in order to do that, we must each be impeccable with our word. We each need to choose to use words based on love (positive, affirming words) and not on fear (negative, loathing words). If you are able to choose this for yourself, it will help you become immune to the fear-based words of others.

Impeccability and change start with you.

In the next issue, we’ll examine the third agreement: Don’t Make Assumptions.

By Joann DiFabio-Klinkner

Not sure what to do with your pumpkins once Halloween is over? Cut ‘em open and take advantage of those hundreds of slimy but nutritious seeds inside! With a variety of ways to enjoy these little pepitas, you’ll want to keep them around all year long.

Pumpkin seeds are flat, dark green seeds that live inside the hollow cavity of pumpkins, a member of the gourd family. The seeds of the jack-o-lantern-type pumpkins are typically found encased in a pale yellow husk, but once cracked open, reveal the green seed inside. However, some varieties of pumpkins do not have this same husk around their seeds.

The phytosterols found in pumpkin seeds may help lower cholesterol. Phytosterols are compounds found in plants that have a similar structure to cholesterol. When foods containing these phytosterols are added to the diet in sufficient amounts, they are believed to reduce blood levels of cholesterol, enhance the immune system, and reduce the risk of certain cancers. As a matter of fact, the phytosterols found in seeds such as pumpkin, sunflower, and sesame are so desirable that they are often extracted from the oils and added to “butter alternative” products that then tout the claim of being a food that lowers cholesterol.

Want to reduce arthritic inflammation? Snack on pumpkin seeds. The anti-inflammatory benefits of the addition of pumpkin seeds in the diets of animals has been compared to the non-steroidal drug indomethacin that is currently being used to treat patients with arthritis. The only difference is that pumpkin seeds don’t have the same negative side effect as indomethacin: damaged fats in the linings of the joints, which actually contributes to the progression of arthritis. Seems counter-productive for a drug that reduced arthritic inflammation, doesn’t it?

Pumpkin seeds are also a very good source of zinc, a mineral linked to healthy immune function. They are also considered a very good source of other minerals such as manganese, magnesium, iron, copper, and protein, all necessary minerals for a healthy diet.

Looking for some quick and easy ways to enjoy these wonder seeds? You can stick with fall tradition and roast them with some sea salt and pepper. Remove the seeds from the pulp and lay them on a paper towel or paper bag to dry overnight. Place them on a cookie sheet and lightly season them, then roast at a low temperature (160°-170°F) for about 10-15 minutes. Roasting at a low temp for a short period of time will help preserve the healthy oils.

Since pumpkin seeds are readily available year-round in grocery and health food stores, you can grab a bag and sprinkle them on whatever you like, including salads and cereal. Add them to hearty oatmeal cookie or granola recipes, or incorporate them into your next batch of homemade veggie burgers and enjoy!

Motherhood has a way of making you feel not “Normal.”

Even if you don’t develop signs of pre or post partum depression, you may still have negative thoughts during pregnancy and after, and this is totally normal.  During my first pregnancy, I remember feeling if I woke and my belly was gone, it wouldn’t bother me or if someone told me my delivery was a dream, I wouldn’t care.  It was so surreal.  With my second, even after it was confirmed by my obstetrician, I took six pregnancy tests because I didn’t believe it was true.  Well, if you’ve ever felt this way, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

It is normal to not feel an immediate bond with your child.  It is normal when the novelty of having a newborn wears off and you are so sleep deprived you feel as if you don’t want it anymore.  It is normal to feel neglected or cry because you feel out of control for no reason.  It is normal to not like your kids or not want to play with them because there are a million other things to do.  It is normal to get angry and blow up once in a while, because sometimes they deserve it.   It is normal to feel lonely because you have “no one” to talk to.  It is normal to clean your house in pieces.   It is normal to have no time to take a shower.  It is normal to feel disoriented and forget what you are doing before you even do it.   It is normal to not want to have sex with your husband (even if he doesn’t think so), and it is normal to feel resentment towards him because it seems as if the weight of the world is on you.

Don’t beat yourself up.  My friend’s mother told me, “You make all your mistakes with your first.” and a father of six said, “You are the best parent with your last.”  Accept it, learn from it and move on.  Nothing can be perfect all the time in time, it does get easier.  When you get acclimated to having a baby, life will find a “new” normal.

In the meantime, help yourself feel normal again.  Don’t be a martyr.  Ask for assistance.  Whether it’s from your husband, mother, sister, brother or friend – it doesn’t make you incapable; it makes you human.  With my son, I wanted to do it all and definitely thought I could, and therefore did.  I never wanted him to leave my side.

I did nothing for myself and became bitter and angry, which caused me and my husband to argue a lot, on top of all the “new parenting” disagreements.  Once we had our daughter, I realized I couldn’t do it all and trying wasn’t fair to me, my husband or my children.  I made my husband the enemy because I felt his life hadn’t changed a bit.  So I began asking for help.  I now leave the children at home, if possible, and put myself first once in a while (a small while, but it does make a difference).  I still feel as if the scale is tipped a bit (and probably always will), but I know I can get help when I really need it.

Another way to feel normal is to find someone you can share your feelings with.  Your husband could and should be a sounding board, but he cannot be completely sympathetic because he cannot relate.  If you are a working mom, whether it is part time or full time, talk with women who have children.  If you are a stay at home mom, join a support group, gym, social network or just go to dinner with friends.  Get involved and connected with something you enjoy.  I joined a group called “After Baby Comes,” ABC for short, when my first was 17-months-old.  The original motive was to get my son exposed to playing with other children but the bonus was I met many women, some from my own town, whose children were around the same age as mine.  From there, I learned a lot about myself – that I was not alone in the way I was feeling.  It made me feel normal.

So don’t sit back and suffer thinking you are wrong in the way you feel.  Reach out.  Only YOU can make a difference in your life.  My friend use to tell me how much better she liked her family after a little “break.”   You’ll be a healthier mother for it and be surprised how many other mothers have similar or the same feelings as you and, they too, are totally NORMAL.

Jodi has set a goal to write a book and is on her path to achieving it!  Please visit her new blog at www.jodiciampa.com.

Typically this section serves to decode the complicated and confusing ingredients found in food products. We’re going to take a different approach in this edition and explore an ingredient found in many health and beauty aids (HABAs). After all, it’s just as important to know what you’re putting on your body as it is to know what you’re putting in your body.

I recently picked up my bottle of cocoa butter body lotion and really took a look at the list of ingredients. Right out of the gate I thought the ingredients were crystal clear and made absolute sense. I understood what every word meant…until I got about halfway through and discovered dimethicone (among others). I thought, “What is this weird ingredient doing on this list of seemingly natural ingredients?” Surely something as pure and simple as cocoa butter would have a perfectly good excuse for containing something so obscure and scientific-sounding.

Dimethicone, or otherwise known as polydimethylsiloxane, is a silicone-based polymer. What the heck does that mean? Let’s start at the root. Silicon is a naturally occurring element. Silicone (with an “e”) is a polymer made up of silicon, oxygen, hydrogen, and carbon that combine during a chemical process. A polymer is a large molecule that is composed of smaller molecules that are repeated, creating a molecular chain. So basically, dimethicone is a very complex polymer.

Silicones are often found in products such as detangling shampoo, conditioner, and hair gel for their smoothing and anti-frizz properties. When dimethicone is added to skin care products, it basically acts as a “sealant” to lock moisture into the skin. But because of this quality, dimethicone can lead to certain skin irritations. Infections can occur because the skin is not able to breathe and cleanse itself of toxins through sweat. Severe side effects can include hives, respiratory problems, and swelling of the mouth or face. Although the FDA has approved dimethicone to be used in cosmetic products as an emollient, pregnant or breast-feeding women are advised to consult their doctor before using products with dimethicone.

By Reverend  Mattie

What’s the groom really thinking about wedding planning? Here is a cheat sheet to reading his mind and simultaneously deciphering what he is saying. For many a smart plugged-in groom, the wedding planning process is a minefield of peculiar customs, first-time-I-heard-about-this etiquette, and strange tension.

“Tell me what you want me to do and I’ll take care of it.”

Unless your groom has been sneaking peeks at your bridal magazines, he likely does not know what he could be responsible for after hunting down the ring and proposing.

It is an honest question, and clears the way for a discussion rather than a rapid fire directive.
Will there be a honeymoon? Do you and your groom need a pressure-free getaway after months of relentless wedding planning?

Some grooms are eager to arrange for a getaway trip you’ll both love. Others see no need for a vacation after spending so much money on a wedding. If this is your groom and you long to get away, ask a trusted married male friend or relative to bring up the topic. A casual conversation might be just the ticket to share a laid-back paradise. A more direct option is to tear out an article and go over it together for ideas and on-point chat.

“My friends aren’t D-listers.”

While you love your groom, maybe you are not so wild about a few of his friends. He will notice and be irritated if you insist on burying them next to the food service entrance. Start the seating process by assigning the best seats to close family and attendants. Remember that the reception venue will put numbers randomly on the tables. If you want certain tables to be the best seats, draw a floor plan and give it to the reception coordinator responsible for your wedding. Have a trusted friend or relative check on the table number placement. Putting a table of the groom’s friends toward the back is easier to agree to if a table of your friends is in proximity.

“I like how you look without makeup.”

If there is a bride on the face of the Earth who does not want to look her best on her wedding day, please identify yourself. What the groom is really saying is that he wants to recognize you as the woman he fell in love with as you proceed to the wedding ceremony space. Choosing heavy make-up, tortured hair and accessories that pull focus from you is risky at best. Wedding day looks chosen to enhance your distinctive style and features take you from neutral to naturally looking your very best in person, photos and video.

“I have no idea. You pick.”

Many a groom has little interest in matching or contrasting table linens. A clue is the vacant look in his eyes as he blankly scans his handheld device. Try narrowing the choice and be more specific. For example, I like this flower and this flower. Which one do you like? He is more likely to give you a direct response. For many a groom these types of aesthetic choices are foreign territory. Rather than disinterest, your groom may be communicating his trust in your judgement. Plus, he may be trying to de-stress himself.

“I’m not wearing a bow tie.”

Think he will look his most handsome in a classic tuxedo? Arrange an appointment at a formal wear firm to look over possibilities. Chat about the wedding style, time, location, and so on. Allow your groom to choose his own attire. An experienced salesperson can suggest attire that will look best on him, and not look dated in photos. An experienced tailor insures the fit of the formal wear or suit to flatter the groom while being comfortable at the same time.

“Of course I was listening.”

Actually, he really wasn’t listening. The two of you have been wedding planning for months and months. It’s not fresh to him anymore. And by the way, at this point it is inconceivable to him that there are still more things to decide about the wedding.

Instead of being whipsawed by wedding planning, you can accept the realities of the process, appreciate the complexity of the event, and set in motion the actions essential to achieve a wedding day perfect for you.

Reverend Mattie has guided brides from 30 states and two continents to perfect wedding days as the former owner of a successful wedding planning firm. In demand as an ordained nondenominational minister, officiant and celebrant, she is known for custom wedding ceremonies performed legally for all beliefs, all traditions, all locations throughout New Jersey, New York and eastern Pennsylvania. Reach Reverend Mattie today.

Copyright 2011 Reverend Mattie all rights reserved.

This one may not be hard to pronounce, but what exactly is enriched flour? You’ll see it on just about every cereal, cracker, and cookie box in the grocery store. But why not just say flour? What makes this flour so enriched as opposed to regular flour? The answers require a little history lesson.

White flour was adopted into many cultures during the Middle Ages because it was thought to be healthier than darker flours. They might not have known it, but white flour was actually beneficial to people at that time because mold and fungus found in the grains (that led to several diseases) was eliminated during the processing that yielded white flour. They just didn’t know how much nutrition was also eliminated from the flour during processing.

In the late 1920s, a man by the name of Benjamin Jacobs began documenting the essential nutrients lost during processing. He deemed these lost nutrients as good health-promoting nutrients that helped combat some diseases, and he eventually developed a way to put those lost nutrients back into the final product. The end resulting flour would be enriched with the lost nutrients. The birth of enriched flour.

Enriched flour became widely used during the 1940s in order to promote good health amongst all social classes of the British and United States populations while food was being rationed and alternative sources of the nutrients weren’t available. Then, in 1942, the U.S. Army decided it was only going to purchase enriched flour. That sealed the deal on enriched flour.

So what are the specifications for a white flour to be considered enriched? According to FDA requirements, each pound of enriched flour must contain 2.9mg of thiamine, 24mg of niacin, 0.7mg of folic acid, 1.8mg of riboflavin, and 20mg of iron. Except for iron, all of these nutrients are B vitamins. While everything up until now may seem harmless, here’s the kicker. The iron that is used to replace the natural iron lost during processing is actually a reduced version of metallic iron. The body has no use for metallic iron, and it may actually be toxic to your body.

By Joann DiFabio-Klinkner

You’re probably singing the jingle in your head already, aren’t you?  You know, that familiar tune that has popped up every holiday season for the past 20 or so years. “Ch-ch-ch chia!” Those seeds sprout a mean sheep-looking thing, or whatever that chia pet is. But bet you didn’t know that those little seeds, when eaten, could help you combat cardiovascular disease and maintain both a healthy immune system and digestive tract. Not bad for a novelty holiday planter, eh?

Chia seeds are actually very similar in health benefits to flax seeds, which have gotten a ton of publicity over recent years. Both seeds are very rich in omega-3 fatty acids, magnesium, manganese, zinc, and dietary fiber. But chia seeds might actually have a greater health advantage over flax seeds for two reasons. Chia seeds do not need to be ground in order for its nutrients to be absorbed in to the body, and they may help the body slow the digestive conversion of carbohydrates into sugar. The seeds actually take on a gel-like consistency when soaked in water for 30 minutes, so researchers suggest that the same thing happens in the stomach, slowing down the rate at which the digestive enzymes in the stomach convert carbs to sugar.

Another interesting fact about chia seeds is their ability to fortify other foods with omega-3s. When chickens are fed chia, both their eggs and their meat are richer in omega-3s. When cows are fed chia, their milk is fortified with omega-3s. Chia seeds have also been added to infant formulas and baby foods to boost omega-3 content.

Chia seeds haven’t gotten much publicity in the U.S. yet, but awareness is definitely growing. However, chia seeds have been grown and consumed in Mexico for thousands of years. Dietary use of chia seeds actually dates all the way back to the Aztecs and Mayans! Chia seeds are also known as salva hispanica, and the plants are commonly grown in southern Mexico and some South American countries. A very popular drink in Mexico is called chia fresca, and is made by soaking chia seeds in water and adding fruit juice (such as lime or lemon) and sugar. Another great benefit of chia seeds is that insects don’t like the plants so it is very easy to find organic varieties.

It’s simple to incorporate chia seeds into your diet because it’s similar to how you would incorporate flax seeds. Sprinkle the seeds on yogurt, cereal or oatmeal. Grind the seeds and add them to flour in your favored baked recipes. Chia seeds have a nutty flavor and are a nice flavorful (and extremely healthy!) addition to any diet.

We all know what dating is all about. Saturday night is upon you, and you have a date with a great new guy. You take special care with your hair and make-up, and pick your best outfit out of your closet, or maybe from the rack of your favorite place to shop.

Once the date begins, you’re on your best behavior. You smile, flirt, make witty conversation and pay close attention to the person you’re with. Ideally, he does the same thing. Things go so well that the two of you agree to go out again. And again, and again, and again…until you and the hot new guy become a couple. Ahh, that’s when things begin to change.

Maybe date nights become sitting home curled up on the couch watching movies, or helping friends move, or shopping for a new refrigerator when the one in your apartment just died.

And maybe that great new outfit becomes sweats and a t-shirt. And the blown dry and flat ironed hair becomes a pony tail. And none of that, in and of itself, is bad. It mostly means that the two of you are comfortable with each other. And comfort is a good thing. It’s one of the many signs that a relationship is good and strong and possibly lasting. But comfort can also lead to complacency. And that’s not good.

Am I saying that clothes and make-up make the woman, and that those things are the only ones a man should notice? No, not at all. What I am saying is that while comfort is good, maybe too much comfort is not. There was a reason why you both found each other special in the first place—a reason why you wanted to make things special for him, and that he, no doubt, wanted to make himself special for you. In the midst of all that comfort, don’t forget the special. Keep the sparks flying by never forgetting what made each of you think the other was so special in the first place. It will make that transition from date to couple much easier and a lot more fun!