By Marlene

You’ve no doubt heard it said that the way to make God laugh is to tell him your plans. From age 18 on, I planned to find a husband and raise a family. Even though I went to college to become a teacher, I always figured I would be pregnant a few years after teaching and would happily leave the classroom for the nursery.

God must have chuckled indeed over what He had in store for me–a lifetime of teaching other people’s children and never having one of my own. He never ever saw fit to send me a husband….although he sent a few not-so-promising specimens my way.

Over the years, 
I’ve managed to accept my singleness. Yes, there are gentle tugs at my heart whenever I see a woman holding her child in her arms. And yes, I look with envy upon happily married couples. But, I’ve learned to focus on what I have, rather than what I don’t have.

I console myself with examples of friends whose marriages didn’t work out, or acquaintances who give birth to children with desperate needs. Not every family is a perfect family and many require sacrifices I’m not sure I would be capable of making.

Instead, I’ve focused my energies on developing my business, the Center for Professional Development (recently sold to a colleague). It has provided me with many opportunities to travel, to meet interesting people, and to live comfortably.

My work led to book-writing. So far, I’ve written 60 and I’m still going strong. I realize I probably could not have had the career I’ve enjoyed if I had taken time to raise a family. Life, after all, is essentially a trade-off.

Admittedly, I sometimes feel a longing for companionship from the opposite sex (to say nothing of the last word in that prepositional phrase), but I try to remember how fortunate I am to have sisters, a brother, and very good friends. While I actually prefer being 
alone most of the time, I satisfy my social needs by entertaining. I like “clustered” dinner parties, and typically invite a cluster of people who have similar interests.

To illustrate, I recently held a “felini-tea,” at which tea and crumpets /scones/cucumber sandwiches were served. Every guest was asked to bring some way to introduce her feline to the rest of us cat-lovers. There were poems, and paintings, and stories. One woman actually had a PowerPoint presentation!

Another party was a “hospitali-tea.” Guests came with stories of being treated very hospitably at some point in their lives. (One told of a time that she arrived late at a friend’s house but went in, and slept on the couch, as planned. In the morning, she was awakened by a strange man who wanted to know what she was doing there. After learning she had entered the wrong house, he called the intended-hostess and assured her, “Any friend of yours is a friend of mine. Come over. I’ll cook you both breakfast!”)

I no longer tell God my plans but I do thank Him for the unplanned joys of my life.

I love my husband.  He makes me laugh and smile and always has my back. -Paige, Massachusetts

I love the sound of laughter…specifically that of a child. -Brenda, New Jersey

I love the bond of a great friendship! - Susan

I love the smell of the Christmas tree and decorating it with my children. -Laurie

I love dancing with my daughter to Christmas carols. -Catherine

I love the first snowfall. Well, I love the first snowfall in an appropriate month. -Rose

I love when my children come home from college and we can spend time as a family. We have family dinners and outings, and it makes me appreciate the time we get to spend together. -Carol

By Brenda

I have always said that I can move to any part of the world and survive. Standing still, genuinely accepting my past, appreciating my present and pushing through fear wasn’t as easy. Running (physically and/or emotionally) to a new identity that was accepted by others was so much easier. Life slowly turned around for the better when I began to embrace all of me. I realized that I would never have the life I truly deserve to live if I didn’t embrace and change my story. Embracing my true self and changing the story was by far the most liberating thing I have done for myself.

I have always been “different” from everyone I knew (family, friends, co-workers, and fellow students). I was the “blacksheep” and ashamed of being different. As an African-American from New York City, I was expected to fit in a certain box. Every time I chose to kick open the walls of that box and do the unexpected, I was made fun of for choosing to live on my own terms.

From elementary school through my twenties, I compromised portions of myself to get along with others. Compromising and living a lie resulted in a decade of feeding my feelings, dressing my shame in nice clothes, drowning my guilt with red wine and engaging in unhealthy relationships.

It wasn’t until I turned 30 that I slowly began to embrace every part of me. I embraced the 9-year-old little girl that enjoyed needlepoint, the 13-year-old that read every book she could get her hands on about nutrition and ate all of her vegetables, the 23-year-old woman that fell in love with nature, and the 33-year-old woman that loves cycling, gardening and visiting farms. I accepted that I will always be different and that is okay.

I am currently embracing the relationships that ended amicably, the one night stands, the toxic mistakes and life as a single woman. According to some, this 30-something year old woman is past her prime, should adopt a few cats and prepare for life as a spinster. Just because I am over 30 and single, does not mean that opportunity for love has passed me by. By embracing my true self, I know “love” will come my way at the right time.

Embracing these aspects of my life has provided me with peace. No longer am I running away from my failures, shame, guilt and fears. No longer will I hide sections of my story in a dusty file cabinet and constantly wonder “I hope ____ doesn’t find out.” I truly believe every negative situation occurred for a reason. I can sit at home and feel ashamed or I can move forward, turn the shame and guilt into gifts and make a difference in my community by helping women embrace their stories. I chose the latter.

See how Brenda answered our Identity Five Questions:

What have you accepted within yourself and/or within your life? Is there anything you are working on accepting?

I accept that there will never be a perfect time. If I wait for perfection, nothing will get done.

What do you appreciate about yourself or your life?

I appreciate my freedom.

What have you achieved, or what are you working to achieve personally, physically, or mentally?

I launched a health coaching business that focuses on providing strategies to professionals that are struggling to survive cubicle life. I had to push through fears and mental blocks that were holding me back; I have grown tremendously since becoming an entrepreneur.

What is your no-so-perfect way? We are all unique with quirks and imperfections, so why not flaunt them and embrace them!

I use spaghetti sauce jars as drinking glasses. It’s the only way I am sure to get the water I need for the day.

How would you complete this sentence, “I Love My…” This has to be about you, physically or mentally.

I love my eyes. They are the windows to my soul.

Brenda Coleman is a health and wellness coach that specializes in helping professionals struggling to survive cubicle life take back their health and live the life they truly want. She is a graduate of Syracuse University and attended the Institute of Integrative Nutrition. In addition to coaching individuals via her coaching practice, she is a volunteer nutrition instructor and coach with a unit of Community Lodgings, Inc. (located in the Alexandria, VA) that helps women transition out of homelessness. You can learn more about Brenda at www.brendarcoleman.com.

Identity hosted it's first "Feel-good Gifts" contest and we chose our top 19 out of 52 entries. Take a look and help somebody feel good this holiday season.


1. Radical Self-Love!

Feel-Good Gifts: Is your life all that it could be? If not, then you could stand to love yourself more!

When you don’t fully and completely love yourself, you attract undesirable circumstances into your life. You feel hollow inside. You may be struggling with your weight, relationships, career, or money. Regardless of your accomplishments, each time things don’t go “right,” you end up beating yourself up.

101 Affirmations for Radical Self-Love is about reprograming you at your core, helping you connect with your divine essence and love yourself unconditionally. Read one affirmation per day, contemplate its message, and watch your life transform! This is a great way to take care of yourself and show yourself love.

Thanks to: Ann Thomas of Evolving Goddess.

2. Fashion with Function!

Feel-Good Gifts: Purse-Les ® has been designed for women, with women in mind; it is both stylish and functional at the same time. Purse-Les ® tops will provide us with safe and secure ways to travel about, go to sporting events, and even work-out with all you need close to your body where it will be safe and secure. Never attracting negative attention, you will love the Purse-Les ® style and the personal liberty these products provide. You will be your own person and enjoy a brand new personal freedom. That is who I am, that is Purse-Les ® and who I want you to become. Move forward; see the world with new eyes. Life is short so, be that strong independent woman we were all intended to be.

Thanks to: Leslie Van Dorf of Purse-Les.

3. Prenatal Belly Dance Workout

Feel-Good Gifts: A great stocking stuffer for new and expectant moms and endorsed by the March of Dimes, The Prenatal Belly Dance Workout DVD has the perfect balance of yoga therapy, sexy moves and a Latin belly dance fusion low impact routine to move moms-to-be to hot mamas! The choreography is fun and ideal for new moms as they ease their bodies back to their post baby shape. The bonus meditation section is not to be missed!

“This belly dancing routine not only promotes increased strength and balance, but it also helps reduce pregnancy discomfort and prepares your body for labor and delivery.” - Pilates Style Magazine

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pByK5faPcKo&feature=related

Thanks to: Suzanne Caesar of Rhythm For Life.

4. Feel Good With Diamonds

Feel-Good Gifts: The Ah Ring is the first and only diamond ring designed for single women.
It stands for A, available, and h, for happy, and it's the diamond ring you buy for yourself...why wait for a man to buy you diamonds?

The Ah Ring is done in 14 karat white gold, and has eleven full cut
diamonds. The Ah Ring is an Oprah favorite and has appeared in O,
the Oprah Magazine, Harper's Bazaar and in the New York Times.
Hollywood celebrities like Kate Hudson, Jessica Biel, Teri Hatcher and Tyra Banks love The Ah Ring!

Thanks to: ruta fox of Divine Diamonds.com.

5. Wellness Gift Cards

Feel-Good Gifts: You want your gift to make their life better somehow, right? Wellness Possibilities Gift Cards provide access to a multitude of ways to relax, relieve pain, reduce stress, and look & feel great. They'll choose from local providers of Massage & Bodywork, Yoga or Meditation classes, Life Coaching, Healthy Cooking Classes, and so much more! Order directly from the website. Denominations: $25, $40, $50, $75, $100, $150, $250, $500.

Thanks to: Kathy Smyly Miller of Wellness Possibilities.

6. Eco + Artisanal Dessert Gift B

Feel-Good Gifts: Black Box Dessert Club is the sweetest new way to send a gift, that is handmade. Have you ever wanted something sweet to just appear at your doorstep, your office cubicle, maybe even while you're away from home earning a degree while living in a dorm with a kitchenette? We're first and only foodie subscription of its kind, delivering curated monthly boxes anywhere in the US or Canada; brimming with all natural (mostly organic) and small-batch confections, pastries, chocolates and snacks. We are an affordable luxury. There are two box sizes, the Grand at $85 and the Petite at $45. It's the perfect housewarming gift, hostess gift, care package, or an indulgent gift for yourself. Without ever leaving your house, the most gooey peanut butter brownies, or decadent truffles arrive at your door!

Thanks to: Letitia Elizabeth of Black Box Dessert Club.

7. Whip Cream Body Lotion

Feel-Good Gifts: What can make a woman not only feel good, but live good, feel good, and smell good? A wholesome bottle of Whip Cream Body Lotion. It's just what her skin craves to feel good--to prevent moisture lost;to nourish and protect her skin;to keep her womanly skin firm. Smell Goods '98's™ mission is to create a feel good experience for all women. A wholesome bottle of aloe vera, rich shea butter, fast absorbing plant & fruit oils, moisture-increasing sodium lactate, paraben free & formaldehyde free Whip Cream Body Lotion can do just that. She even gets a cherry-on-top moment...Whip Cream Body Lotion can be customized with over 50 signature fragrances! live good. feel good. smell good.™

Thanks to: Itiel McVay of Smell Goods '98™.

8. Heaven-scented apartment !

Feel-Good Gifts: Nordicals Bath & Beauty is an organic, cruelty-free bath product line in SoHo, NYC. Their hand poured soy wax candles are the most amazing smelling candles I have ever used - they make your apartment smell like heaven! From Brown Sugar, English Lavender, Fig, Cider, Balsam Fir, etc. - they have the holiday scents covered.

Their sugar-based body scrubs will make you want to eat them as you're applying them to your body - Chocolate & Black Coffee, Mimosa and Vanilla Brown Sugar.

Their eucalyptus bath salts are to be used after a rough day on the ski slopes - you will feel healed and invigorated after a long hot bath.

They are expanding their line to include face masks and soaps coming in the spring.

Thanks to: Monica Breiland of Nordicals.com.

9. You are a Gorgeous Goddess

Feel-Good Gifts: Treat yourself or a loved one like a Gorgeous Goddess with this organic skin winter repair kit.

"While in college, my best friend and I would look at the clock at around 10 PM and groan, "Ugh. It's time for the process." We understood that we needed to take care of our skin. But there was nothing special about it, and, in fact, it was a total drag. Now, as a busy mom, wife, and business owner, it's something that I relish every morning and night as I treat my face to a milky cleansing cream, soothing lavender mist, nourishing pumpkin serum, and white truffle cream. It takes less than a minute to massage every bit of goodness onto the face and neck, and my happy skin drinks it up like vitamin water. What used to be an annoying now my one minute of pure
pleasure." - Angela Jia Kim

Thanks to: angela kim of Om Aroma & Co. .

10. Uplift, Inspire & Transform

Feel-Good Gifts: Whether it is something for yourself or to bring joy to a friend or loved one, Transformational Jewelry is definitely a 'feel-good' gift! With words like 'Gratitude', 'Love', 'Joy' and 'Namaste' playfully inscribed on each piece, you can wear your favorite sentiment for the world to see. And, in the moments when you want to re-group and focus your attention, you can use your Tranformational Jewelry pieces to bring the emotions you desire powerfully into your life.

Thanks to: Payson Cooper of Transformational Jewelry.

11. Unique Items to Display Pics

Feel-Good Gifts: Sarahbear's Cards & Creations was founded in late 2006 by Sarah Barrett. SarahBear's is a company designed to give form and function to your memories, to create vessels to carry your photos and cards to mark your anniversaries and celebrations. Our photo tins hold 9 wallet sized pictures and are perfect to carry in a purse and show off to friends and family! This is the ultimate mom brag tin! Our Star Albums make fabulous centerpieces and hold 12 pictures. Each item is custom made for YOU! We have also created Tins for a cure that give back to Susan G Komen Foundation and The Alzheimer's Assoc. of Southern California. These two causes are close to our hearts and SarahBear's gives 20% back for each of these tins we sell. We are doing our part to end these diseases...one tin at a time

Thanks to: Sarah Barrett of SarahBear's Cards & Creations.

12. Chicas give with style.

Feel-Good Gifts: A chica carries herself with a Caring, Hermosa (beautiful), Inspiring and Can do Attitude. She lives her life trying to do the best that she can. An enV Chica does it all with style.

Are you an enV Chica?

As women, we can band together to connect with each other and support one another, one wrist at a time.

Proceeds from the sale of every bracelet benefits Enchanted Makeovers.

Thanks to: Vanessa Coppes of enV by Vanessa Coppes.

13. Sole Surfer™ Pedicure Kit

Feel-Good Gifts: Whip your soles into ship shape with The Sole Surfer™ organic pedi kit. Everything you need for a spa quality pedicure at home in a deliciously intoxicating scent. The surf sea salt foot scrub (8oz) contains coconut, grapeseed, aloe, kelp and ground pumice to smooth your feet and remove dead skin on your soles. The luxurious antioxidant rich surf vinotherapy lotion (4oz) will soothe and hydrate cracked heals and dry, flaky skin. The kit comes complete with our unique 4 in 1 pedicure tool to buff, file, brush and scrub your tootsies into tip top shape!

Thanks to: Kristin Fraser Cotte of The Grapeseed Company.

14. Feel good doing good

Feel-Good Gifts: "Celebrate Green! Creating Eco-Savvy Holidays, Celebrations & Traditions for the Whole Family" is a book that can change your life for the better.

Have you wanted to start taking steps toward a healthier, more meaningful life for you and your family?

"Celebrate Green!" can help. It's jam packed with quick, easy, affordable, and meaningful ways to celebrate any special event with an emphasis on fun for your family without damage to the planet.

Whether you're new to green or a confirmed environmentalist, "Celebrate Green!" will help you live your values while enjoying the best celebrations ever!

Thanks to: Lynn Colwell of Celebrate Green!.

15. Decorative Empowerment

Feel-Good Gifts: Staying fully present in the moment takes practice, practice, practice! What better way to reinforce a good habit than with visual reminders that also add beauty to your home? Consider Lacuna Décor, this unique style of layered papercut art, your secret weapon of sorts. Each layer floats within a deep and eco friendly shadow box frame. Its depth invites you to look deep within. While you're at it, feel free to summon your inner Buddha if you like. Display it in your child's room to reinforce the power of presence with your kids. Or, acknowledge and celebrate the inner beauty of another special someone in your life. Whomever it's for, child, adult, or you, Lacuna Décor becomes the perfect gift. Custom colors and personalization add the finishing touches. Gift boxed and ready to share!

Thanks to: Cherice David of Inner Pieces Gallery.

16. Quell the Queasies

Feel-Good Gifts: A must-have in everyone's travel bag this holiday season...Psi Bands are stylish, FDA-cleared acupressure wrist bands for the relief of nausea due to motion sickness (as well as morning sickness/pregnancy, anesthesia and chemotherapy). Psi Bands are uniquely drug-free, waterproof (no more soggy wrist bands), adjustable at 51 settings for a personalized fit, reusable, and stylish (available in 5 designs, two of which are unisex). Travel in comfort and style this holiday season!

Thanks to: Romy Taormina of Psi Bands.

17. Beauty from the inside out!

Feel-Good Gifts: Awaken your body’s true beauty from the inside out with Abrione Chakra Masques. You will channel both your inner and outer beauty through this ancient Hindu holistic healing system for mind, body & spirit. Abrione has packaged all 7 of their Chakra Masques along with their Cell Enhancer (in 1/4 oz. jars) stacked in a clear plastic tube ready for gift giving and great for a ladies at-home spa night. $55
1st Chakra Red Root (Muladhara) Warmth. Vitality.
2nd Chakra Orange Sacral (Svadhisthana) Energize! Nourish.
3rd Chakra Yellow Solar Plexus (Solar Plexus Manipura) Mood Elevator
4th Chakra Emerald Heart (Anahata) Harmony. Balance.
5th Chakra Blue Throat (Vissudha) Inner Peace. Calm.
6th Chakra Indigo Third Eye (Ajna) Inner strength.
7th Chakra Amethyst Crown (Sahasrara) Knowledge

Thanks to: Lisa Cocuzza of VB Cosmetics Abrione.

18. Give the Cancer Planner

Feel-Good Gifts: If you or someone you know is facing cancer, give a gift filled with meaning and purpose. One that will offer comfort, guidance and support through the cancer journey and beyond.

The Ready for Recovery Cancer Planner was designed to help cancer patients and their families navigate through cancer treatment and recovery with the guidance, knowledge and insight only a fellow cancer survivor could offer. Ready for Recovery™ will help patients avoid mistakes, know what to expect, how to prepare and will provide a place to keep track of questions, appointments, notes and thoughts.

RR is available in 2, 3 and 5-piece sets. Get 20% off until Jan 1, use code: holiday

Thanks to: Susan Tucker of Ready for Recovery.

19. Satisfying Goji Berry Cookies

Feel-Good Gifts: Goji Gourmet has created a delicious and healthy goji berry cookie line that is low in calories and carbs but high in antioxidants! These little, soft and chewy morsels will satisfy your sweet tooth and cravings without tipping the scale. Goji Gourmet's cookies are only 25 calories and are made with wholesome ingredients including whole wheat, buckwheat honey, wheat germ and turmeric, along with antioxidant-rich goji berries. Goji berries have 10x more antioxidants than blueberries and are loaded with vitamins A, C and beta-carotene. These are a true feel good treat for anytime of the day! Enjoy!

Thanks to: Allison Jagtiani of Goji Gourment.

By Dava Krause

Guys go to strip clubs because it turns them on. I get it. But when I went to a male strip club I wasn’t turned on. I was hysterical. I swear I never laughed so hard.  It wasn’t sexy, it was hilarious. Foreplay for me is not some creepily over-cut, greased -up monkey wagging his waxed balls in my face. Foreplay for me is all about flattery. Oh yeah, compliment my brains out.

“You’re gorgeous. I came over here because I couldn’t take my eyes off of you.”  That’s my version of a lap dance.

Unfortunately, my husband is not the most generous with positive feedback. That’s my nice way of saying I practically have to beg for a compliment. I recently bought these super hot four-inch open-toe heels. I thought for sure he would say something. Oh, he did.  He was like, “You don’t know how to walk without falling down in regular shoes, how are you supposed to walk in those?” “Don’t you think they make my legs look sexy?” I said. “Not when they’re cut up and bleeding after you’ve wiped out and fell on your ass.”

Last weekend when I went to my college reunion I was surrounded by a gaggle of gays from my acting class and I got my fix. As I was packing, I consciously picked my hottest jeans, my cutest tops and my most fabulous bags because I knew they’d be notice. At this point, for my husband I’d throw on some make-up. But for my gay boyfriends? I got a Brazilian Blown Out.

I’ve heard people say that women don’t dress to impress men but rather dress to impress other women. I don’t know if that’s true. I find it difficult to compliment another woman without feeling jealous or competitive and often a comment like, “have you lost weight?” is followed by a silent “bitch” to oneself.

Was there a shortage of Cavemen in ancient times so all the cave women in the village had to cut other women down to get a date and this impulse has been passed down in our human DNA?  Or is it our current culture that somehow makes us women think, “Your beauty, wealthy, success and achievement takes away from mine?”

I don’t have an answer, but I want to stop all that here and now. And I don’t want to wait for the new year to make the change. I want to start TODAY and recognize the greatness and beauty of other women. I want the greatness and beauty of others to push me to achieve my personal best. I want it to turn me on. Not in a sexual way, but in an inspirational way.  A regenerative way. An expansive way. A way in which I can spark and be sparked. Grow and facilitate growth. Let’s get impressed with ourselves. And if there’s time, a really good Brazilian blow out can feel pretty good too.

How do you appreciate yourself, what do you appreciate about yourself, life and those around you. Confess, spill it here, today, not tomorrow because why wait to express your appreciation?

These fabulous women share what they appreciate most in their lives,  and all Identity readers are welcome to comment below!

I appreciate that my sister knows exactly the right times to call me and give me a pep talk. -Rose

I appreciate my husband. I have Aspergers Syndrome and life with me is different, sometimes challenging. When I first told him I has AS, he was my friend (we were best friends before we started dating and married) and he thought I was making it up. Then he started doing research and learning about it. Now, he is better with me than anyone! He took the time to understand my AS and learn how to manage life with me and even how to help me! That, my friend, is love – forget flowers and trinkets; my husband took the time to know me! -Stephanie

I appreciate having a cup of coffee in a quiet house before anyone else wakes up. -Jessica

I appreciate that my husband takes out the garbage every week so I never have to worry about it. -Meghan

I appreciate that my voice to be heard as gotten stronger, and I appreciate that that I am being heard. -Susan

I appreciate candles and how they bring me into a positive state of mind. -Gabrielle

If you could only choose ONE word that BEST describes YOU, what would it be and why?

We asked women what they are thankful for. What are you thankful for?

My dog because no matter how stressed or upset I get he is always there with kisses to make me feel better! I appreciate him every day with kisses and of course plenty of treats! -Lori, New Jersey

I am very thankful for the friendships in my life. I can’t imagine life without them. They help me and support me when I’m down, they are there for me to share my joy and victories, big and small. Feeling fortunate to have such friendships, and being grateful for them is part of who I am. Forgiving the things that may annoy me, being there for them – this is how I show my appreciation and saying it out loud. Often. -Yeal, California

I am thankful for motherhood. I believe it is such a privilege and such a miracle. -Elayna, Texas

I am thankful for my sweet children and husband who I come home to at the end of a long day. While having a family is not always easy, they are my heart’s constant. -Emily, North Carolina

I’m thankful for leftovers! It’s great to go a day without cooking. -Tawnee, Utah

I am thankful for my health, my family, my education, and my friends. -Marlene

I’m thankful that my mom, a voracious reader, instilled that same passionate love of books in me as a child because now I’m an author. -Laura

I am thankful for my mom, who has always been a positive influence and a strong foundation for my life. -Rose

By Amira Acre

As we descended through the clouds on our approach to Haiti, I was struck by the beauty of the island nation. The verdant mountains juxtaposed with the sparkling, sapphire sea lapping gently at the shore.

The airport in Port au Prince was a perfect introduction to the country. Amid the heat, smells, crowds and luggage piled willy nilly, was a semblance of order hidden under the veil of chaos. I anticipated downtrodden people with glum, grim demeanors but found instead an aura of dignity, determination and strength.

Driving in Port au Prince is an oral exercise as gasps are quickly followed by deep exhalations and jaw dropping sights. Muttered prayers are voiced in preparation for crashes that are somehow miraculously avoided. Two images stood out that first day, the unbelievable amount of rubble that still blotted the landscape and the many women carrying huge, heavy baskets on their heads filled with wares to sell at market.

During my eight days in Haiti, I wondered about the unfairness of it all. How many years did it take for everything to go so wrong and just how long would it take to recover from the injustices of the past? So much seemed insurmountable. Where did one begin? Clean, potable water, food, safety, sanitation, housing, education, infrastructure, reliable electricity, job creation and access to affordable health care were all interrelated and dependent on each other.

My trip to Haiti was initially about a mother committed to helping other mothers better the lives of their children. The seed that started this journey was germinated last winter when I met a wonderful Haitian Pastor who was visiting Massachusetts. He told a small audience about the three communities he supports and his endeavors to supply goats to some deserving students to help them attain an education. I asked the Pastor if the children drank the goat milk and was told that dairy was not a part of their diet. Immediately an idea was taking root. Since the nutritional benefits of goat’s milk are numerous, I imagined teaching and encouraging the mothers to consider providing goat’s milk to their children as a good source of protein. This was not as simple as I thought as I would soon find out. The Pastor was extremely gracious and open to the possibility of adding this new supplement to these children who were lucky to get one meal a day.

Through contacts I found a goat farmer who was kind enough to give a milking-101 demonstration that was filmed with the idea of creating a short video to promote safe milking practices.

It was only after we arrived at the mountain village that I realized the flaws in the plan. The goats that I saw were all meat goats and there were no dairy goats in the area. Still determined to see if the families would be open to drinking goat’s milk, I gave a short talk on the health benefits of goat milk and every mother showed an interest in this possible source of nutrition for their children. I talked about the long term potential revenue through the production of goat cheese and goat milk soap.

There were still a myriad of other issues to tackle. This village had cholera and while we were there two children died. Even if I could bring some dairy goats to the area, I needed to research if the cholera bacteria would infect the goat’s milk. Also, this was a long term project as goats need to be hand fed from a young age in order to be easily handled and milked. So we were at least a year out if not more. Then the issue of having healthy goats was raised. I noticed that all the animals were emaciated as the only ate grass, no grain. Knowing that good quality milk needs to come from a well fed goat, grain would need to be provided. Eventually they would need to grow and harvest their own grain for this project to be sustainable.

Then land rights issues came up. Could they even grow grain on this land if the didn’t own it? There was and is a long way to go before addressing the need of providing goat milking kits to the communities. When a reliable source of electricity and clean water are available, then I would like to build a small facility to produce cheese or soap. The soap could be sold in the United States as a Fair Trade product. My hope is that the school children will be able to add goat’s milk to their diet within one to two years and within five years the milk would also provide an income to the village.

Meyer, Haiti is a mosquito infested swampy area. However I was so impressed with the school that is being rebuilt and the wonderful teachers and students we were blessed to meet. As an animal lover, I took pity on a skinny, shy dog near the school. I had a few peanut butter crackers in my bag and went around the side of the building. The dog was too nervous to come close so I put a cracker on the ground and the dog edged forward and took it. As I held another cracker in my hand with the dog slowly approaching, I saw that a little boy had followed me and was looking at the cracker with his big beautiful eyes, an expression of longing written on his face. I felt deep shame. Shame that I was caught feeding a dog when a little boy needed food, and shame as a human being that I should bear witness to the plight of so many starving children around the world. It is one thing to read about or see images on television about groups of people far away, it is another to look into the eyes of a child and feel the recrimination.

There is so much of Haiti still with me. The old woman in the village who somehow managed to walk down a mountain on a gangrenous leg who required so much but who we could give so little. The 8-year-old boy who cried when we found and gave him a pair of shoes. The smiling, giggling girls with their hair beautifully braided with bright ribbons. An old woman in a tent city who ran over and gave my three children and I hugs and I didn’t know who needed the hugs more. The wonderful, earnest young men who told us of their dreams for the future and for their country. The glorious Haitian songs that resonated in my heart and the vow that I would return as Haiti was now etched on my soul.