Many young adults (and older adults, too) contemplate going back to school for a career change. Many of us experience major change in our lives and consider using that as an opportunity. Well, 28-year-old, Maryland-native, Lauren Ruch is taken action on not only change in her life, but a career change.

Seven years ago, Lauren graduated Frostburg State University with an undergraduate degree in business administration with a concentration in marketing. At first, she worked at a sports bar and worked part time at Wachovia Bank while looking for a full-time job. Her first “real” job, she says, was at T. Rowe Price where she began her career as a service analyst and was promoted to retirement plan coordinator. After T. Rowe Price, Lauren moved to Arlington, VA and worked at a foreign exchange firm. 

“At the end of 2008, my boyfriend of five years and I decided to part ways, and it was the hardest break-up I’ve ever been through,” said Lauren. ”Going through the heartache of separation, moving back to Maryland from Virginia, and being on my own again, I just decided it was the best opportunity for me to change my career and go on a different path.” 

It’s Time for a Career Change

Lauren had wanted a career change, and says she always planned on going back to school. She took her GMATs, and months later decided to also take the LSATs.

“It started as a childhood dream,” said Lauren. “Then when I wanted the career change and had the opportunity to make that change for myself, I decided to apply to law school. It was different from what I was doing before (finance/business), but I decided I wanted more than to just get my MBA. Law school isn’t only a huge challenge—especially going back to school after being out for seven years—but I feel it will offer more opportunities for me.”

Major Career Change Requires Full Time Attention

Lauren will be attending the University of Baltimore full time, and it will take her three years to complete. She’s not sure what type of law she’s going to study.

“As a first year student, your classes are set by the school so you don’t have to pick a field starting out,” said Lauren. “I’m going to wait until I get into my classes to see what I’m most interested in and feel the most passionate about. If I had to pick now, I guess I would say corporate law just because it would match my business background.”

Lauren says one of the most rewarding aspects of her career change is that she set a goal for herself and carried through with it. As far as challenges, Lauren says she has a lot of anxiety about going back to school again, being the new ‘kid’, and is worried about being able to keep up with her studies.

“What’s motivating me is graduating and looking forward to a successful career,” said Lauren. “I also think about my family a lot and making them proud of me.”

Lauren is a great example for each of us in regard to not only following our dreams, but making those dreams happen.
To those women considering a career change, Lauren says, “Believe in yourself, stay focused, and take everything one step at a time.”

Lauren Answers the Famous Identity Five:

1. What have you accepted in your life that took time?
Having to work hard for everything you have can be a blessing.

2.  What do you appreciate the most in your life?

My friends, my brothers, and my boyfriend all support me and make me laugh.

3.  What is one of your most rewarding achievements in life?

My college scholarship.

4.  What is your not-so-perfect way?

I eat way too many sweets!

5.  Complete this sentence, “I Love My…”
I Love My…Smile!

By Perizae (Peri) Tzantarmas

I’m 23-years-old – considered young by most. Many people look me in the eyes and say I have an old soul. I guess it’s because I’ve done a lot of soul searching, and sometimes that can feel quite tiring.

I grew up in a traditional Greek family, in which religion, family, and food were the only fundamentals in life. My genetics never allowed a fast metabolism nor a desire to be physically active, thus giving me curves in all the wrong places – as a kid. Naturally, I was bullied for being different. Although I was the chubby, nerdy girl at school, I had determination – a fierce drive to become an empowered, beautiful, educated woman someday.

While the other girls were idolizing Britney Spears, I was dreaming of becoming someone like the writer Toni Morrison, or the Dalai Lama, a change-maker in my community. I knew at that age, in elementary school, that as long as I was living on the planet, girls should never feel inadequate, and never be bullied for being unique. I knew that a paradigm shift in myself was deeply necessary for inner-beauty to thrive.

How in the world would I accomplish this? Throughout my adolescence, I continued to struggle with my sense of self-worth. Peer pressure got the better of me, and eventually bulimia, the eating disorder, was a governing wager of my happiness, along with young men and partying. At age 16, it took a huge leap of faith for me to find what ended up being the most beautiful discovery: who I was on the inside really did matter!

On My Way to Become Empowered

In my late teen years, I completed hundreds of self-development books – books that people in their 30s and 40s read after divorce, bankruptcy, and so on. I attended seminars and workshops for one purpose alone; to obtain a sense of myself – that little girl who wanted to create beauty, to create change.

Finally, as if by some miracle, I began to truly honor myself. I embarked on an inner-journey and totally embraced the imperfections and mistakes I had created for myself. One day, I looked in the mirror and said “Peri, you are beautiful.” I believed what I said, and that’s all I needed. I was empowered.

Once I accepted myself, my whole, perfect, beautiful self – opportunities seemed to fall in my lap. That’s when I met Debra Gano.

Empowered Times Two

Debra Gano is the CEO and President of BYOU “Be Your Own You!”, a girls’ self-esteem apparel and educational company. She is also the best-selling author of the Heartlight Girls series, and the founder/publisher of BYOU ‘Be Your Own You’ magazine for girls. Her book, Beauty’s Secret: A Girl’s Discovery of Inner Beauty is the recipient of multiple national awards, including Gold Winner of the Mom’s Choice Award. Debra is a former international model and actress who now dedicates her life to the empowerment of girls and women, and speaks as a national expert on self-esteem.

The majority of work she does is to help women and girls to overcome feelings of inadequacy. This feeling is deep-seated from childhood and affects both men and women, however the unrealistic standard of beauty and unhealthy role models and media women encounter daily exacerbates this issue deeply with this particular gender. This feeling can defeat dreams, crush opportunities, and remove much joy out of life, causing a person to miss much of her life and miss being empowered. That is one of the reasons she is so passionate about helping kids with this issue; so they don’t miss many productive years of their lives, living with this disabilitating, and common, fear.

Now, I work as Debra Gano’s personal assistant. It truly is an incredible feeling, knowing that I work with a woman who has extreme dedication to the empowerment of women and girls. Debra is such an inspiration to me, simply because she is real. When young girls and their mothers attend our workshops or read the book, I can see that it’s Debra’s authentic presence that truly allows transformation to take place within themselves. I work with Debra daily, and I can honestly say that she “walks the walk” as a person of integrity and power. Debra is leading a giant community of women and girls who have an incredible sense of their own inner beauty and healthy self-esteem. I had to learn about my sense of self-worth the hard way, so I am honored to be a part of Debra’s mission – a mission that places such powerful tools in the hands of young girls and their mothers, in a very tangible way!

Both Debra and I have visions of beautiful, unique, empowered young women. I have dedicated my energy to BYOU “Be Your Own You!” and Heartlight Girls because I want to give girls the means to overcome any situation of feeling inadequate. I want them to know that they are beautiful, and unique, and powerful – just the way they are. I want them to know this, because I understand that they might not believe it themselves. If just one girl is able to look in the mirror, as I did, and genuinely find beauty in her imperfectness, I have done my job in helping another feel empowered.

1.    What have you accepted in your life that took time, physically or mentally?

It took a while for me to accept my physical body. I used to loathe my wide hips the most. I’m finally able to look at myself as my loved ones do– a curvy, voluptuous goddess!

2.    What do you appreciate about yourself and within your life?

What I appreciate the most about myself is my ability to create beauty from thin air. I try to find the lesson, and the opportunity to see perfection in imperfection situations. To me, that’s what beauty is all about.

3.    What is one of your most rewarding achievements in life? What goals do you still have?

The most rewarding achievement in my life was when I decided to write a novel. It’s strange and different – totally not the type of book I enjoy reading by other authors. It’s an ongoing collection of thoughts and ideas right now and there is so much passion behind it, I can’t help but considering that finishing the book as a goal I still have.

4.    What is your not-so-perfect way? What imperfections and quirks create your Identity?

I’m an Aries – and can own up to every positive and negative quirk that zodiac sign possesses. I’m extremely driven and passionate, but sometimes I can bulldoze right over people – and their feelings. I know it’s not-so-perfect of me, but I can’t help who I am!

5.    How would you complete the phrase “I Love My…?”

….books. I love my books! I never want to stop learning and experiencing. Books are my vehicle to transformation, being empowered and I can’t have enough of them!

By Melody Brooke

Melody Brooke

My daughter Athena is an extraordinary person and mother. Growing up she was the most headstrong child you can imagine. My friends and family all thought I should be more of a disciplinarian and reign her in more. But she was the kind of child you could have beaten till she was out cold and she would have continued to fight you (not that I ever did, I just instinctively knew this). So I learned ways to set limits with this extremely bright, headstrong child.

After graduating from college from the University of Texas, she moved to San Diego to be near her boyfriend whom she had met online. She moved to the other side of the country on her own, with only the boyfriend, and an aunt, as a connection there. She financed the move on her own, living at her aunts for only a month. She got a job within a month of being out there and was on her own. She then stared law school and eventually married her boyfriend.

Then, joyfully, she got pregnant with my precious grand daughter. At Christmas time, 2010, my husband and I went out to be with her after the baby was born. It was a difficult labor and delivery, but all seemed to have gone well. They came home three days afterwards. But my grand daughter just didn’t take to breastfeeding. I knew that was not that uncommon so I encouraged her to stick with it, helping her any way I could. But within a week, we knew something bigger was going on. She reached out into the community for help and finally, three weeks later, discovered that she had not developed the ability to suck at all. Then they realized, she was completely deaf. As they continued to struggle with feedings, they slowly found that this beautiful little girl had been born with an under developed brain stem. After several months of it taking them three hours to feed her, and feeding her every four hours, they opted to put in a feeding tube. The baby began to thrive as they got her more and more help. All of this, while attempting to continue her law career. Both she and her husband are active in her care, sharing feedings and changes when he can. Luckily she worked for a small firm and they have been tremendously supportive as they have gone through this process.

Athena and Husband, John

Sometime in the first few months, they also discovered she has a rare eye condition in which her cornea has no feeling and she doesn’t know to protect it, and , to make matters worse, it can’t heal properly. This requires them to be constantly vigilant to protect her eyes, and to keep putting eye drops in every 15 minutes. She doesn’t feel the dry eyes, so they have to keep them moisturized for her or she will go blind.

In November she was approved to get little Eve a cochlear implant. This was finally done in January, and it was turned on in April. As far as she can tell, there is still no hearing resulting from the procedure, but they keep trying. And they keep learning sign language, and fighting for help from within the medical and educational system.

Athena now has a part time position where she works from home much of the week. This allows her to got to the multiple therapy sessions and doctors appointments set for this charming little girl. Sometimes she wants to give up. Sometimes the panic over her eyes and the fact that she may end up deaf and blind overwhelms her so much that she doesn’t know if she can go on. But she does, looking in to the face of this beautiful child, my grand daughter Eve, keeps her going. Her love and persistence in caring for Eve have surprised and pleased every doctor they have seen. Eve, in spite of her problems, is now crawling, and even pulling herself up. She has begun eating some solid food and signing.

We all expect our children to be born perfectly, with no problems other than the normal ones. Athena is no different. But rather than whining and complaining and resisting acceptance of what is, Athena takes the bull by the horns and fights for her daughter. This is where her headstrong, bull headed personality have paid off. God knew what she was doing giving this child to her.

By Amy D. Cohen, BFRP

It was 10 years ago when I received the call that my father had a heart attack and I had to get to Florida right away.  I had to deal with five different doctors, who all had their own belief on whether my father should live or die.  It was overwhelming to say the least. Who ever thought we would have to make these decisions for our parents?

At the same time, I had just sold my home, needed to get my children out of the horrible school they were in, find a new house, and to make matters worse, my marriage was falling apart.  I knew I hit rock bottom when I could not remember how to get back to my fathers apartment, which was only ten minutes away.  It took over an hour to get there and I think I may have been in the throws of a nervous breakdown.  I knew I needed help, but could natural remedies be the answer?

I called my doctor in the homeopathy and she was sending me a natural flower remedy. Are you kidding me?  Did she hear me?  Natural remedies, a flower is her choice?  Wheres the xanex, was my thought!

These Natural Remedies Provided a Clear Mind

I honestly can’t remember what the exact natural remedies she gave me, but I took the remedy with a couple of drops a few times a day. Within a few days, I was able to make decisions for my father with clarity.  I had confidence in my decisions and was able to handle the doctors.  After all, who knew my father best and to make decisions on his behalf.

Maybe is was a mind over matter situation, but I had a renewed outlook and handled everything the way I wanted!

Is this what natural remedies are capable of?

After returning home I did more investigating, using flower remedies for my kids, my husband, and even my animals!  Believe it or not, good things started happening.

My son who was so shy he barely spoke, and after the using the natural remedies, he started to open up  more and speak.  My husband and I, on natural remedies, started to communicate better.  Our negative thoughts and behaviors were disappearing.  Life was changing for all of us and it was an amazing feeling.

I studied homeopathy for three years and studied flower remedies.  This is not aromatherapy or essential oils.  These natural flower remedies are their own healing mode that work on our emotional issues.  They have been extremely profound in their help for myself and my family, which is why I chose this as a new career path.

Flower remedies work well with adults and children in helping them achieve their goals, think clearly, fears, stress, traumas, anxiety, sadness, procrastination, self-love, focus, anger, tantrums, feeling stuck,  and feel confident.  Natural remedies, especially flower remedies may reverse any negative thoughts, behaviors or feelings that do not serve us well.

These flowers are natural remedies and are non-toxic, no chemicals, do not interfere with medications, and most importantly,  each remedy can be custom blended to help with your own personal needs.

It sounds too good to be true, I know!  But I lived it and it changed my life – natural remedies using flowers can change yours too!

Amy D. Cohen, BFRP, is a Flower Remedies Practitioner who focuses on emotional healing. Learn more about Amy and her natural remedies using flowers here.

Self-Judgment is Still Controlling
Many of Our Minds…

This month I want to work on our self-judging issues because at the age of 31, I hear many younger women compare and judge themselves against others and I hear older women judge themselves against others.

To judge is the ability to make a decision, or form an opinion objectively, authoritatively, and wisely, especially in matters affecting action; good sense

I always thought when I was a young-adult that the self-judgment would go away as I became a woman.  I’m lucky. I have learned to love and appreciate my physical self and my intelligence, BUT many of our female peers still struggle to be confident and continue to think harshly of themselves by constantly comparing their looks, smarts, families, life, and the list goes on.

I’m sure you have experienced many of these feelings as well…If you haven’t, I want to know your secret!

I’ve heard it all (well most), I’ve been put down, picked up, spit out, and swallowed with nasty words from others and the horrible inside chatter with my own self-judgment.

How do we stop the self-judgment?

I’m going to share with you a few ways I’ve found helpful dealing with my self-judgment. For the record, I’m not perfect and I don’t feel 100% confident everyday.

I like to have a down day here and there because how else would I know when I have a great day?  We experience these feelings for a reason, so embrace them all and learn from them.

Be Free of Self-Judgment

The biggest challenge I had was to tear myself away from the mirror. I was spending so much time starring at my features in the mirror and picking myself apart it was destroying my happiness and self-confidence.

To overcome this I would look in the mirror as I needed and move on out. No lingering around to stare and perfect the direction of my eyebrows or cover up that tiny pimple.

If this is one of your bad habits, constantly looking into the mirror and having self-judgment thoughts, then set a timer.  Set a timer for a time it normally takes you to get ready in the morning or whenever you go out.  Get dressed, put your makeup on, brush your hair, and move on.

Another trick you can do to minimize the self-judgment is to force yourself to write all the great things about yourself and your life.  Start paying attention to the good and not the bad.

The grass is never greener, trust me. It’s funny because I was reading a story to my nephew and it was about a chameleon who wanted to be like all the other animals, but by the time he stepped foot in their worlds, he missed his world and wanted to go back to being a chameleon. We all have our own struggles, so stop thinking the girl next door’s life is better.

Another most important factor in minimizing the judgment that goes on in your head is to be aware of it. Are you? It’s important to become aware and slowly work to improve those thoughts.

Cut the judgment short as soon as you realize it’s happening. Change the subject or finish it and then apologize and state something positive right after you’ve discovered you’ve said something negative towards yourself or towards somebody else.

Take these small steps towards having less self-judgment.

* Less time in the mirror – the longer you stare and pick, the more you will find the negative.

* Journal all the good about yourself and your life, see the good vs. the bad.

* Become aware of the judgment that goes on in your head, and comes out of your mouth as well as the judgment that goes on around you from your friends and family.

Get rid of the judgment! Stop judging yourself and stop judging others. Take it one day at a time and  you will become happier, more confident in yourself, and more successful overall.

Feel Beautiful Everyday!

Susan Vernicek – Founder & CEO

Helping Women Get All A’s in the Game of Life – Accept. Appreciate. Achieve.™

Identity Editorial Calendar:

We have new content weekly, monthly & quarterly.

Monthly: Every month I write my “BE” blog. Which is short for “Beautiful Everyday and I like to use “BE” for inspiration for your Identity to BE in a variety of ways.  My articles are on my experiences, stories, and ideas. Also monthly is a new Most Wanted Product. After reviewing products and accepting that they are cool, fun, different, and inspiring, they are allowed to be featured in our Identity’s Most Wanted section. Check them out!

By Ann Thomas

As I was sitting down to write this article on how to be BOLD, my eyes were captured by the saying on my tea bag, which said “It’s not life that matters.  It’s the courage that we bring to it.”  If this isn’t serendipity, I don’t know what is.

You need to be bold to be successful and the key to being bold is to be confident. Believe it or not, without self-confidence you reduce your ability to have a successful life (as YOU define it).  You sacrifice achievement within yourself, your career, your relationships, your health, and your wealth. To top it all off, having low self-confidence robs you of your joy, joy that you deserve!

In fact, self-confidence is MORE important than the skills and knowledge that you have.  Why? It sets you apart. When you believe in yourself and are confident in your abilities, you become a natural leader.  People feel drawn to you and reassured by you.  They trust you and your judgment.  Basically, they follow your lead. (Wouldn’t it be nice if you got your way more often?!)

How to Be Bold

Self-confidence enables you to BE BOLD, take healthy risks, stretch, grow, and achieve new levels of success.  Without enough self-confidence, you run the risk of living a mediocre life — too afraid to move out of your comfort zone and go for what you really want.

Boosting self-confidence requires serious mental training.  Here’s a quick visualization to help you become more confident and how to be bold:

Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. Allow your body to relax. Once you feel relaxed, imagine the best possible version of yourself 10 years into the future. Imagine that you are strong, confident, radiant and wise.

As you see this future version of yourself, really take her in.  Notice how she carries herself.  Notice what can be achieved when you have that confidence and strength.

Once you get a vivid picture, imagine that you can step into your future self — able to access all of that confidence and strength right now in this present moment.

Now ask yourself, “With this confidence, what will I do differently today?”

Try this visualization out and watch it help you get out of a rut of draining low self-confidence.

How to Be Bold…

If you’d like to really explode your self-confidence and your bold factor, then I want you to come to BoldHer: Infuse Your Self-Confidence with Laughter and Love.  This is an amazing one-day conference that will teach you to embody the BoldHer principles:

Believe in Yourself
Own Your Actions and Reactions
Love Yourself Unconditionally
Don’t Give Up
Help Others Along the Way
Embrace Your Journey
Remember to Laugh!
You can learn how to be bold at www.BoldHer.com.

Until then, use the visualization to help you boost your boldness and achieve more well-rounded success!

Think how to be bold, visualize how to be bold and you will be bold!

What is love and what is lust?

Typically in this column, one emotion is studied. This issue, let’s delve into the love vs. lust phenomena.

Searching ‘love‘ on dictionary.com provides 28 definitions for this one word! We all know the feeling of love is complicated, and even the definition isn’t a simple one.  Some definitions of love include: a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person; sexual passion or desire; to need or require, benefit greatly from; to hug and cuddle; to embrace and kiss, to engage in sexual activity; and a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection.

Lust, on the other hand, produces seven definitions on dictionary.com, which include: intense sexual desire or appetite; a passionate or overmastering desire or craving; and to have a yearning or desire.

Probably not shocking that lust is easier defined than love. Lust is superficial, temporary, so of course it’s ‘easy come, easy go.’ Love on the other hand…hard to come by, hard to let go of (sometimes).

I asked a few friends for their initial reaction of love vs. lust. Just like dictionary.com’s definitions, my friends categorized lust as ‘simpler’ and love as ‘more complicated.’ Here are some of their (often amusing) responses:

“Lust is better. Relationships are a freakin’ headache.”

“Lust is soooo much better when love is involved. Although, lusty one night stands are fun because you can be uninhibited and never have to see him/her again. Well, unless you see them out…then it could be awkward.”



“Both can be good depending on the mood.”

“You lust someone before you learn to love that someone.”



“Lust is instant. Love takes time to grow.”

“Lust is an urge, love is an emotion.”

“Lust is all play and love is all work.”

“Lust is temporary. It is a wonderful, passionate feeling that keeps you wanting more at the moment but never lasts. Love can be similar but yet so different. Love is also a wonderful, passionate feeling. Love is different in the sense that it feels like more of a comforting sense of eternal happiness, security, and euphoria.

“Lust is not a $250,000 divorce.”

From a physiological standpoint, the intense falling in love feeling is often associated with dopamine, which is associated with reward and reinforcement. If the relationship evolves into long-term then a maternal type love is engaged—which is related to the areas of the brain with oxytocin, the bonding hormone.

As a matter of fact, love can have you so infatuated with someone else that your brain filters out any negatives (a.k.a., red flags). Some studies have shown that the parts of the brain that normally judge human behavior get dimmed when falling in love.

What is Love

Love is a connection. Lust is a craving. Love is expecting nothing in return. Lust is all about what you can get in return. Love is a sense unity. Lust is an intense yearning for self gratification. Love sustains with communication and commitment. Lust sustains on sex. Love is about compatibility. Lust is strictly about physical chemistry.

Lust vs. love. Instant gratification vs. building a nurturing relationship. Which do you desire?

By Dr. Robyn Odegaard

Since you are reading this website, I am going to bet you are the type of person who understands that success comes from being able to powerfully engage with coworkers, customers, clients, family and friends.  Engagement isn’t something you can buy or even fake.  It requires you to be able to genuinely interact with who someone believes themselves to be, rather than the person you think they are.  So how do you get past your perception to be able to connect on a deeper level?  You have to understand communication fingerprints and how they affect every exchange you have.

What is a Communication Fingerprint?

Every human being has a unique way he or she uses language, called a communication fingerprint.  What words and inflections mean, what types of behavior are rude or insulting as opposed to funny and what silence means vary from person to person.  Your fingerprint is molded by your life experiences; starting with your primary caregiver.  As you become an adult you take in information from every encounter you have with other people.  Individuals who have similar life experiences to yours will have a communication fingerprint similar to yours.  These are the people who “just get” you.  Your sense of humor is similar and misunderstandings are rare.  However, the more diverse the people in your life are the better chance you have for misunderstandings and hurt feelings to boil over into an emotional war or a client walking away.  Many people make the mistake of ignoring these differences and assuming everyone will just ‘act like adults.’ On rare occasions people will just click.  But the majority of the time when left up to hope and luck, a negative, resentful undercurrent will develop and may turn into a silent resentment or an angry confrontation.

Once you understand communication fingerprints and how they work you can use them to have more powerful and meaningful conversations with just about anyone in your life.

Own Your Power

Too often in conversation we try to take over the other person’s power and in the process give up our own.  To avoid the power struggle that ensues, start your sentences with the word “I” (I think… I need… I want…  My experience was…) rather than using the word “You.”  Sentences that start with you (You did this… You need to do that… You made me…) close off the conversation.  The person being spoken to only has two choices, accept what they are being told about themselves or defensively disagree.   There is no space to have a conversation, only a confrontation.

Ask Why

If you have ever spent time with a toddler you know their favorite question is “why?”  Unfortunately, as we grow up we are trained not to ask that question.  But that doesn’t mean our inquisitiveness goes away.  We still want to know why, but rather than asking, we just make it up.  In fact, making up why someone does something becomes so engrained we don’t even realize we are doing it.  To make matters worse, when we make assumptions about other people it is almost always something negative.   A simple example is when someone runs a red light.  The first thing that springs to mind for most people is “idiot.”  That is about as negative as it comes.  The reality is likely something more neutral; like the driver wasn’t paying attention at that moment.  Start catching yourself making up negative things about people and start asking why.  It is amazing what people will tell you when you ask and then listen to their answer.  If you don’t have the opportunity to ask way, try assuming something positive.

Make Others Feel Heard

I am sure you have heard the saying, “We have two ears and one mouth and they should be used in that proportion.”  However, listening is often not enough.  Have you ever had this argument:  “You aren’t listening to me!” “Yes I am!”  “No you’re not!”  We have all engaged in that useless back and forth.  The problem isn’t that you weren’t listening, it is that the other person wasn’t feeling heard.  Sometimes just letting someone know you heard and understand them is enough, even if you don’t agree.

Some phrases you can use to help someone feel heard include:  What I think I hear you saying is…. What I am taking away from this conversation is… My understanding of what you need is… It sounds like you are frustrated about….  Explain what it is you believe the other person is trying to convey to you.  If you are incorrect, give them a chance to explain themselves again.  In this way both parties can walk away from the conversation with the same understanding.

Treat Others the Way THEY Want to be Treated

The Golden Rule has been failing us for a long time.  Just because you want to be treated a certain way does not mean your clients want to be treated that way.  Punctuality is a great example for this issue.  All of us know someone who believes if you’re early you’re on time, if you’re on time your late and if you’re late you’re in trouble (I admit, I am one of those people).  There are other people who live much more “in the moment.”  They are present with a situation until it is finished and then they move on to the next thing.  There isn’t a schedule other then when they get there they will be there.  If I expected all of my clients to be regimented with time like I am, I would drive many of them away.  Instead, it is important that I understand what works best for them.  Does it make me crazy sometimes? Of course.  But I can’t treat people the way I want to be treated; I must treat them how they want to be treated.  To figure that out, I have to ask, not assume what they want.

How we use language to interact with our clients is the number one relationship maker or breaker.  How we communicate and deal with disagreements can be the difference between a successful interaction and a negative one.  Unfortunately, there is very little training available for us to learn effective communication and productive conflict.  Instead, each of us is struggling to reinvent the communication wheel.  Being powerful in your use of language creates a win-win for you and everyone in your life and makes for a happier, more peaceful existence.  For me, that is reason enough to do it.

Life is complicated enough without adding misunderstandings and hurt feels that can be avoided through the powerful use of language.  You have the power to use effective communication and productive conflict resolution.  Your success is up to you.  Never let others sidetrack it.

Dr. Robyn Odegaard is a nationally known speaker/consultant who is passionate about meeting people where they are and helping them advance to where they want to be.  She is the owner of Champion Performance Development (www.ChampPerformance.com) where she combines executive coaching, organizational development and sport psychology to make a positive difference for her clients.

By Heddi Cundle

I’ve been inspired by many people for my start up www.mytab.co during various stages in building the company. These include Jordan Belfort and his quote “act as if” (i.e. when you’re not at the top, pretend like you are); Sir Richard Branson for making innovation appear effortless; Golda Meir for battling to the top against a male dominated political era; major travel successful top tier travel entrepreneurs telling me that myTab is a gem and genius business idea; Eckhart Tolle’s power of “now” method.

I don’t believe anyone is truly inspired by one particular person. I believe it’s a combination of people at the right time and place that drives the energy and inspiration forward. I may be inspired by a quote or a person, an idea or a campaign, e.g. I met a friend last eve that inspired me in a business concept related to myTab.co. It’s an accumulation of various elements that inspire me and when it sticks, it truly sticks (i.e. the Jordan quote, remembering to be in the “now”), the top travel entrepreneurs who told me I have a really unique business.  I keep re-living these inspiration blips because I must believe that if everyone says the business is great, then they are truly driving me to push forward knowing what I am achieving is great.

And with no ego intended, I do inspire myself because I need to drive my business upwards and acknowledge what I’ve achieved, so I can excel even further to the next level. Being self inspired is a core to success and it’s not about self-gratification. It’s based on pure logic. If I’m not inspired by what I’m achieving for my start up, how can anyone else be?

What we’re doing at myTab is absolutely changing the face of travel, breaking down the price search frustration we all go through and creating a solution with our travel gift card. It looks cutesy from the website yet to create myTab, I had to delve into the core empathy for the customer, be inspired to address this price problem of hunting for weeks trying to find a great deal and create a genius solution. No one has ever even focused that the biggest problem in travel is the price erratic behavior. It’s the worst problem in the whole industry and no one’s addressed it.

Well, we did and we have a fantastic team because of it. I need to inspire myself for each step and aim for that vision I see of  myTab as a huge corporation. I get this tenacious trait from my parents so, spinning off again, my parents constantly inspire me. From my father telling me the woes of building his business many years ago and the ups and downs, he’s lived it and made a success.

I am also inspired by the good life I have. I recently saw a homeless woman, in a wheelchair, no legs and a very sad dog. I was inspired that I do have a roof over my head, my dog is not living on the streets with me and I will never ever be on the streets. I have no idea about this woman’s background leading to the life she now has, but she was smiling and excited because it wasn’t raining and that inspired me.

Her day was saved because she wasn’t soaked. I think it’s the little stuff like that, which changes our vision and resets us to default on the basics in life that we need as inspiration. I forgot about the really big daily problems of finances and business since I focused on this woman’s own version of what inspires her. She doesn’t have major financial or business problems yet finding shelter from the rain is as important to her as me building my company and being financially secure. Its  priorities. And her priorities made mine look insignificant.

These are all the people that inspire me, a cluster of daily activities and quotes, just popping up randomly at the exact time I need a surge of inspiration. It’s amazing how timing like this happens.

Heddi answers the Identity Five!

1. What have you accepted in your life that took time, physically or mentally?

I’ve accepted that the second I launched myTab.co, this was when the real work started. It’s taken a toll physically and mentally from working extreme hours. I’m used to working those hours, but to do this for your own company creates a different strain because the passion and emotional attachment is enhanced. This is my baby and I need to see it grow healthy & happy!

2. What do you appreciate about yourself and within your life?

I appreciate that I came from a good stable background, managed my finances and a combination of these have given me this amazing opportunity to know what I want to do with my life, and now I’m doing it. As a friend said recently, she was envious that I knew my life’s ambition and she’s still searching for her niche. I never thought of it this way but I love that version of an explanation.

3. What is one of your most rewarding achievements in life? What goals do you still have?

My most rewarding is moving to the U.S., having my own company and having the most incredible dog who is my lifeline. My goals include excelling on business and what I’ve already created the foundation for. I’ve laid the bricks & mortar and now it’s a case of building upwards. It’s so exciting knowing the structure is there.

4. What is your not-so-perfect way? What imperfections and quirks create your Identity?

I’m forceful and obstinate, stubborn and intimidating. I know this sounds awful but some of the most successful founders have these same ‘hard to work with’ traits. I’m not using it as justification for running riot but I do expect a great deal from people and because I’m so insanely impatient (since I work at 1000mph myself), I can push people too hard. But I’m doing it for the right reasons so I just need to meet my drive & ambition down the middle with others for a win/win. I’m getting there!

5. How would you complete the phrase I Love My…?

Dog. I love her like I’ve never loved anyone before. From the second we bumped into each other randomly at a pet store many years ago, I fell in love instantly. She’s my rock, support system and is unconditional. She’ll never know how much I rely on her so I can function. Everyone should have a pet. They’re insanely therapeutic and oozing all things good, naive and stable. My dog is my life.