By Perizae (Peri) Tzantarmas

I’m 23-years-old – considered young by most. Many people look me in the eyes and say I have an old soul. I guess it’s because I’ve done a lot of soul searching, and sometimes that can feel quite tiring.

I grew up in a traditional Greek family, in which religion, family, and food were the only fundamentals in life. My genetics never allowed a fast metabolism nor a desire to be physically active, thus giving me curves in all the wrong places – as a kid. Naturally, I was bullied for being different. Although I was the chubby, nerdy girl at school, I had determination – a fierce drive to become an empowered, beautiful, educated woman someday.

While the other girls were idolizing Britney Spears, I was dreaming of becoming someone like the writer Toni Morrison, or the Dalai Lama, a change-maker in my community. I knew at that age, in elementary school, that as long as I was living on the planet, girls should never feel inadequate, and never be bullied for being unique. I knew that a paradigm shift in myself was deeply necessary for inner-beauty to thrive.

How in the world would I accomplish this? Throughout my adolescence, I continued to struggle with my sense of self-worth. Peer pressure got the better of me, and eventually bulimia, the eating disorder, was a governing wager of my happiness, along with young men and partying. At age 16, it took a huge leap of faith for me to find what ended up being the most beautiful discovery: who I was on the inside really did matter!

On My Way to Become Empowered

In my late teen years, I completed hundreds of self-development books – books that people in their 30s and 40s read after divorce, bankruptcy, and so on. I attended seminars and workshops for one purpose alone; to obtain a sense of myself – that little girl who wanted to create beauty, to create change.

Finally, as if by some miracle, I began to truly honor myself. I embarked on an inner-journey and totally embraced the imperfections and mistakes I had created for myself. One day, I looked in the mirror and said “Peri, you are beautiful.” I believed what I said, and that’s all I needed. I was empowered.

Once I accepted myself, my whole, perfect, beautiful self – opportunities seemed to fall in my lap. That’s when I met Debra Gano.

Empowered Times Two

Debra Gano is the CEO and President of BYOU “Be Your Own You!”, a girls’ self-esteem apparel and educational company. She is also the best-selling author of the Heartlight Girls series, and the founder/publisher of BYOU ‘Be Your Own You’ magazine for girls. Her book, Beauty’s Secret: A Girl’s Discovery of Inner Beauty is the recipient of multiple national awards, including Gold Winner of the Mom’s Choice Award. Debra is a former international model and actress who now dedicates her life to the empowerment of girls and women, and speaks as a national expert on self-esteem.

The majority of work she does is to help women and girls to overcome feelings of inadequacy. This feeling is deep-seated from childhood and affects both men and women, however the unrealistic standard of beauty and unhealthy role models and media women encounter daily exacerbates this issue deeply with this particular gender. This feeling can defeat dreams, crush opportunities, and remove much joy out of life, causing a person to miss much of her life and miss being empowered. That is one of the reasons she is so passionate about helping kids with this issue; so they don’t miss many productive years of their lives, living with this disabilitating, and common, fear.

Now, I work as Debra Gano’s personal assistant. It truly is an incredible feeling, knowing that I work with a woman who has extreme dedication to the empowerment of women and girls. Debra is such an inspiration to me, simply because she is real. When young girls and their mothers attend our workshops or read the book, I can see that it’s Debra’s authentic presence that truly allows transformation to take place within themselves. I work with Debra daily, and I can honestly say that she “walks the walk” as a person of integrity and power. Debra is leading a giant community of women and girls who have an incredible sense of their own inner beauty and healthy self-esteem. I had to learn about my sense of self-worth the hard way, so I am honored to be a part of Debra’s mission – a mission that places such powerful tools in the hands of young girls and their mothers, in a very tangible way!

Both Debra and I have visions of beautiful, unique, empowered young women. I have dedicated my energy to BYOU “Be Your Own You!” and Heartlight Girls because I want to give girls the means to overcome any situation of feeling inadequate. I want them to know that they are beautiful, and unique, and powerful – just the way they are. I want them to know this, because I understand that they might not believe it themselves. If just one girl is able to look in the mirror, as I did, and genuinely find beauty in her imperfectness, I have done my job in helping another feel empowered.

1.    What have you accepted in your life that took time, physically or mentally?

It took a while for me to accept my physical body. I used to loathe my wide hips the most. I’m finally able to look at myself as my loved ones do– a curvy, voluptuous goddess!

2.    What do you appreciate about yourself and within your life?

What I appreciate the most about myself is my ability to create beauty from thin air. I try to find the lesson, and the opportunity to see perfection in imperfection situations. To me, that’s what beauty is all about.

3.    What is one of your most rewarding achievements in life? What goals do you still have?

The most rewarding achievement in my life was when I decided to write a novel. It’s strange and different – totally not the type of book I enjoy reading by other authors. It’s an ongoing collection of thoughts and ideas right now and there is so much passion behind it, I can’t help but considering that finishing the book as a goal I still have.

4.    What is your not-so-perfect way? What imperfections and quirks create your Identity?

I’m an Aries – and can own up to every positive and negative quirk that zodiac sign possesses. I’m extremely driven and passionate, but sometimes I can bulldoze right over people – and their feelings. I know it’s not-so-perfect of me, but I can’t help who I am!

5.    How would you complete the phrase “I Love My…?”

….books. I love my books! I never want to stop learning and experiencing. Books are my vehicle to transformation, being empowered and I can’t have enough of them!

By Ann Thomas

As I was sitting down to write this article on how to be BOLD, my eyes were captured by the saying on my tea bag, which said “It’s not life that matters.  It’s the courage that we bring to it.”  If this isn’t serendipity, I don’t know what is.

You need to be bold to be successful and the key to being bold is to be confident. Believe it or not, without self-confidence you reduce your ability to have a successful life (as YOU define it).  You sacrifice achievement within yourself, your career, your relationships, your health, and your wealth. To top it all off, having low self-confidence robs you of your joy, joy that you deserve!

In fact, self-confidence is MORE important than the skills and knowledge that you have.  Why? It sets you apart. When you believe in yourself and are confident in your abilities, you become a natural leader.  People feel drawn to you and reassured by you.  They trust you and your judgment.  Basically, they follow your lead. (Wouldn’t it be nice if you got your way more often?!)

How to Be Bold

Self-confidence enables you to BE BOLD, take healthy risks, stretch, grow, and achieve new levels of success.  Without enough self-confidence, you run the risk of living a mediocre life — too afraid to move out of your comfort zone and go for what you really want.

Boosting self-confidence requires serious mental training.  Here’s a quick visualization to help you become more confident and how to be bold:

Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. Allow your body to relax. Once you feel relaxed, imagine the best possible version of yourself 10 years into the future. Imagine that you are strong, confident, radiant and wise.

As you see this future version of yourself, really take her in.  Notice how she carries herself.  Notice what can be achieved when you have that confidence and strength.

Once you get a vivid picture, imagine that you can step into your future self — able to access all of that confidence and strength right now in this present moment.

Now ask yourself, “With this confidence, what will I do differently today?”

Try this visualization out and watch it help you get out of a rut of draining low self-confidence.

How to Be Bold…

If you’d like to really explode your self-confidence and your bold factor, then I want you to come to BoldHer: Infuse Your Self-Confidence with Laughter and Love.  This is an amazing one-day conference that will teach you to embody the BoldHer principles:

Believe in Yourself
Own Your Actions and Reactions
Love Yourself Unconditionally
Don’t Give Up
Help Others Along the Way
Embrace Your Journey
Remember to Laugh!
You can learn how to be bold at www.BoldHer.com.

Until then, use the visualization to help you boost your boldness and achieve more well-rounded success!

Think how to be bold, visualize how to be bold and you will be bold!

By Dr. Robyn Odegaard

Since you are reading this website, I am going to bet you are the type of person who understands that success comes from being able to powerfully engage with coworkers, customers, clients, family and friends.  Engagement isn’t something you can buy or even fake.  It requires you to be able to genuinely interact with who someone believes themselves to be, rather than the person you think they are.  So how do you get past your perception to be able to connect on a deeper level?  You have to understand communication fingerprints and how they affect every exchange you have.

What is a Communication Fingerprint?

Every human being has a unique way he or she uses language, called a communication fingerprint.  What words and inflections mean, what types of behavior are rude or insulting as opposed to funny and what silence means vary from person to person.  Your fingerprint is molded by your life experiences; starting with your primary caregiver.  As you become an adult you take in information from every encounter you have with other people.  Individuals who have similar life experiences to yours will have a communication fingerprint similar to yours.  These are the people who “just get” you.  Your sense of humor is similar and misunderstandings are rare.  However, the more diverse the people in your life are the better chance you have for misunderstandings and hurt feelings to boil over into an emotional war or a client walking away.  Many people make the mistake of ignoring these differences and assuming everyone will just ‘act like adults.’ On rare occasions people will just click.  But the majority of the time when left up to hope and luck, a negative, resentful undercurrent will develop and may turn into a silent resentment or an angry confrontation.

Once you understand communication fingerprints and how they work you can use them to have more powerful and meaningful conversations with just about anyone in your life.

Own Your Power

Too often in conversation we try to take over the other person’s power and in the process give up our own.  To avoid the power struggle that ensues, start your sentences with the word “I” (I think… I need… I want…  My experience was…) rather than using the word “You.”  Sentences that start with you (You did this… You need to do that… You made me…) close off the conversation.  The person being spoken to only has two choices, accept what they are being told about themselves or defensively disagree.   There is no space to have a conversation, only a confrontation.

Ask Why

If you have ever spent time with a toddler you know their favorite question is “why?”  Unfortunately, as we grow up we are trained not to ask that question.  But that doesn’t mean our inquisitiveness goes away.  We still want to know why, but rather than asking, we just make it up.  In fact, making up why someone does something becomes so engrained we don’t even realize we are doing it.  To make matters worse, when we make assumptions about other people it is almost always something negative.   A simple example is when someone runs a red light.  The first thing that springs to mind for most people is “idiot.”  That is about as negative as it comes.  The reality is likely something more neutral; like the driver wasn’t paying attention at that moment.  Start catching yourself making up negative things about people and start asking why.  It is amazing what people will tell you when you ask and then listen to their answer.  If you don’t have the opportunity to ask way, try assuming something positive.

Make Others Feel Heard

I am sure you have heard the saying, “We have two ears and one mouth and they should be used in that proportion.”  However, listening is often not enough.  Have you ever had this argument:  “You aren’t listening to me!” “Yes I am!”  “No you’re not!”  We have all engaged in that useless back and forth.  The problem isn’t that you weren’t listening, it is that the other person wasn’t feeling heard.  Sometimes just letting someone know you heard and understand them is enough, even if you don’t agree.

Some phrases you can use to help someone feel heard include:  What I think I hear you saying is…. What I am taking away from this conversation is… My understanding of what you need is… It sounds like you are frustrated about….  Explain what it is you believe the other person is trying to convey to you.  If you are incorrect, give them a chance to explain themselves again.  In this way both parties can walk away from the conversation with the same understanding.

Treat Others the Way THEY Want to be Treated

The Golden Rule has been failing us for a long time.  Just because you want to be treated a certain way does not mean your clients want to be treated that way.  Punctuality is a great example for this issue.  All of us know someone who believes if you’re early you’re on time, if you’re on time your late and if you’re late you’re in trouble (I admit, I am one of those people).  There are other people who live much more “in the moment.”  They are present with a situation until it is finished and then they move on to the next thing.  There isn’t a schedule other then when they get there they will be there.  If I expected all of my clients to be regimented with time like I am, I would drive many of them away.  Instead, it is important that I understand what works best for them.  Does it make me crazy sometimes? Of course.  But I can’t treat people the way I want to be treated; I must treat them how they want to be treated.  To figure that out, I have to ask, not assume what they want.

How we use language to interact with our clients is the number one relationship maker or breaker.  How we communicate and deal with disagreements can be the difference between a successful interaction and a negative one.  Unfortunately, there is very little training available for us to learn effective communication and productive conflict.  Instead, each of us is struggling to reinvent the communication wheel.  Being powerful in your use of language creates a win-win for you and everyone in your life and makes for a happier, more peaceful existence.  For me, that is reason enough to do it.

Life is complicated enough without adding misunderstandings and hurt feels that can be avoided through the powerful use of language.  You have the power to use effective communication and productive conflict resolution.  Your success is up to you.  Never let others sidetrack it.

Dr. Robyn Odegaard is a nationally known speaker/consultant who is passionate about meeting people where they are and helping them advance to where they want to be.  She is the owner of Champion Performance Development (www.ChampPerformance.com) where she combines executive coaching, organizational development and sport psychology to make a positive difference for her clients.

By Heddi Cundle

I’ve been inspired by many people for my start up www.mytab.co during various stages in building the company. These include Jordan Belfort and his quote “act as if” (i.e. when you’re not at the top, pretend like you are); Sir Richard Branson for making innovation appear effortless; Golda Meir for battling to the top against a male dominated political era; major travel successful top tier travel entrepreneurs telling me that myTab is a gem and genius business idea; Eckhart Tolle’s power of “now” method.

I don’t believe anyone is truly inspired by one particular person. I believe it’s a combination of people at the right time and place that drives the energy and inspiration forward. I may be inspired by a quote or a person, an idea or a campaign, e.g. I met a friend last eve that inspired me in a business concept related to myTab.co. It’s an accumulation of various elements that inspire me and when it sticks, it truly sticks (i.e. the Jordan quote, remembering to be in the “now”), the top travel entrepreneurs who told me I have a really unique business.  I keep re-living these inspiration blips because I must believe that if everyone says the business is great, then they are truly driving me to push forward knowing what I am achieving is great.

And with no ego intended, I do inspire myself because I need to drive my business upwards and acknowledge what I’ve achieved, so I can excel even further to the next level. Being self inspired is a core to success and it’s not about self-gratification. It’s based on pure logic. If I’m not inspired by what I’m achieving for my start up, how can anyone else be?

What we’re doing at myTab is absolutely changing the face of travel, breaking down the price search frustration we all go through and creating a solution with our travel gift card. It looks cutesy from the website yet to create myTab, I had to delve into the core empathy for the customer, be inspired to address this price problem of hunting for weeks trying to find a great deal and create a genius solution. No one has ever even focused that the biggest problem in travel is the price erratic behavior. It’s the worst problem in the whole industry and no one’s addressed it.

Well, we did and we have a fantastic team because of it. I need to inspire myself for each step and aim for that vision I see of  myTab as a huge corporation. I get this tenacious trait from my parents so, spinning off again, my parents constantly inspire me. From my father telling me the woes of building his business many years ago and the ups and downs, he’s lived it and made a success.

I am also inspired by the good life I have. I recently saw a homeless woman, in a wheelchair, no legs and a very sad dog. I was inspired that I do have a roof over my head, my dog is not living on the streets with me and I will never ever be on the streets. I have no idea about this woman’s background leading to the life she now has, but she was smiling and excited because it wasn’t raining and that inspired me.

Her day was saved because she wasn’t soaked. I think it’s the little stuff like that, which changes our vision and resets us to default on the basics in life that we need as inspiration. I forgot about the really big daily problems of finances and business since I focused on this woman’s own version of what inspires her. She doesn’t have major financial or business problems yet finding shelter from the rain is as important to her as me building my company and being financially secure. Its  priorities. And her priorities made mine look insignificant.

These are all the people that inspire me, a cluster of daily activities and quotes, just popping up randomly at the exact time I need a surge of inspiration. It’s amazing how timing like this happens.

Heddi answers the Identity Five!

1. What have you accepted in your life that took time, physically or mentally?

I’ve accepted that the second I launched myTab.co, this was when the real work started. It’s taken a toll physically and mentally from working extreme hours. I’m used to working those hours, but to do this for your own company creates a different strain because the passion and emotional attachment is enhanced. This is my baby and I need to see it grow healthy & happy!

2. What do you appreciate about yourself and within your life?

I appreciate that I came from a good stable background, managed my finances and a combination of these have given me this amazing opportunity to know what I want to do with my life, and now I’m doing it. As a friend said recently, she was envious that I knew my life’s ambition and she’s still searching for her niche. I never thought of it this way but I love that version of an explanation.

3. What is one of your most rewarding achievements in life? What goals do you still have?

My most rewarding is moving to the U.S., having my own company and having the most incredible dog who is my lifeline. My goals include excelling on business and what I’ve already created the foundation for. I’ve laid the bricks & mortar and now it’s a case of building upwards. It’s so exciting knowing the structure is there.

4. What is your not-so-perfect way? What imperfections and quirks create your Identity?

I’m forceful and obstinate, stubborn and intimidating. I know this sounds awful but some of the most successful founders have these same ‘hard to work with’ traits. I’m not using it as justification for running riot but I do expect a great deal from people and because I’m so insanely impatient (since I work at 1000mph myself), I can push people too hard. But I’m doing it for the right reasons so I just need to meet my drive & ambition down the middle with others for a win/win. I’m getting there!

5. How would you complete the phrase I Love My…?

Dog. I love her like I’ve never loved anyone before. From the second we bumped into each other randomly at a pet store many years ago, I fell in love instantly. She’s my rock, support system and is unconditional. She’ll never know how much I rely on her so I can function. Everyone should have a pet. They’re insanely therapeutic and oozing all things good, naive and stable. My dog is my life.

By Beate Chelette

If you are like many women, you sometimes feel like exploding because everything in your life seems to pull on you at the same time.  We’re all on a seesaw trying to balance our emotions, our attitudes, and our expectations. I hear from women all the time who say they feel overwhelmed, inadequate and out of balance as they struggle to keep up with career, family, relationships and social obligations. Then there’s financial uncertainty that bears down on many of us.  It is a lot to deal with, and women everywhere are feeling it.

Anxiety rates among women have soared in the last decade. And no wonder. They have one foot on the career gas pedal, they are in a serious relationship or intent on finding one, maybe thinking about when or if to have kids, or they’ve already started a family.  Then there’s yoga or the gym to keep up with but often don’t, because there’s just too much going on.

In our frenzied world, is it even possible to achieve balance in our busy lives?  The answer is a resounding yes.  It’s not only possible, but achieving balance is imperative to our mental and physical well-being and to simply enjoy life again. The good news is that there is an effective process that can help you identify—and retune—the areas of your life that have tipped out of balance—and make you feel even better about where you are. Knowing which areas those are and being clear about what you want are always the first steps of awareness. Ask yourself: what area of your life do you want to improve the most?

Maybe it’s learning how to relax, taking time out just for you—and not feeling guilty about it! Maybe right now you need to focus on getting ahead in your career or paying more attention to your husband and kids. You can’t focus on everything at once; no one can.  Something always suffers and it’s usually us.

Here’s a short Balance Test. Find out which areas of your life are in or out of syn. You might be surprised by the results.  http://beatechelette.com/Balancetest

Beate Chelette is a respected career coach, consummate entrepreneur and founder of The Women’s Code, a unique guide to personal and career success that offers a new code of conduct for today’s business, private and digital world. Determined to build a community of women helping each other, after selling one of her companies, BeateWorks, to Bill Gates in 2006 for millions of dollars, Beate created The Women’s Code.   In February 2012, to reach women everywhere, Beate launched The Women’s Code Online course. http://beatechelette.com/the-womens-code

By Alissa Okrent

Oh how I love this time of year! In addition to cleaning the windows, putting away heavy jackets and wearing clothing that is lighter, it is a time to clear out internal clutter as well!

Tara Gilvar, one of the founders of BIG (Believe, Inspire, Grow) refers to my area of expertise as the ability to help someone identify and create an internal confidence checklist. This list empowers you to choose the quality of mood you wish to experience throughout your day. During this full moon cycle, what type of spring cleaning excites and energizes you?

Spring Cleaning Your Strength to Change:

Spring-cleaning and strength blend beautifully when the sun is shining. As the air breathes with warmer temperatures, our internal clock changes and allows us to clear away, which takes strength.

Inner strength may be described as an inner power that is silent and deep. It can be most recognized while in a state of contemplation, reflection, meditation, or surviving and conquering a painful circumstance. Physical strength increases by pushing the body through physical exertion.  Each of these can be considered a different tool in building your internal confidence checklist.

The stronger you feel, the more confidence you may exude.  Spring is a wonderful season to sort through old stuff (mental, physical, emotional) and choose to release, refresh your attitude, renew your commitment, reorganize how you will accomplish this and recharge yourself as you complete goals.

What do you desire to change in your life this spring?
•    Clearing out a room, closet, garage?
•    Environmental changes all around you, creating a different structure to your day, which may include more self care – mental, physical or spiritual.
•    Redefining your approach to health – creating a more structured approach to fitness and/or nutrition?
•    Experiencing personal pleasure through participating in a hobby, book club, and quiet time.
Regardless of the change you desire to make, Tony Robbins says, “The past does not equal the future.”

You can make changes if you believe you deserve them and you are willing to take action.

I hear clients share their fear of failure based on previous efforts or outcomes from their past. One powerful question to help assess this is: “What did you learn from that experience?”

I realize it may be difficult to assess or revisit a painful experience. How can you ensure that the past does not equal our future? Change your belief around a topic or person, and concrete new behaviors will grow.

When you have a belief in yourself, and you truly appreciate your value as a person, observing a circumstance from a new perspective can help distinguish the past from the present and the present from the future.  The consequence of new behavior involves stepping outside of comfortable reactions and creating new responses that will affect a new outcome. Focusing on the positive impact this change will have on your life is part of the motivation.

Think of a time when you completed something that you knew was important and you pushed yourself to completion. What feeling did you create? Exhilaration, pride, joy, motivation? When you reflect and understand what strategies motivated you, they become part of your internal confidence checklist.

Below is one of my favorite tools. See if this one helps you:  

Identify one goal you would like to accomplish in the next three months. Identify your fear and write it out. Separate the facts from the story.

Write out all the benefits and feelings you expect to experience when you accomplish this goal. As you create the vision in your mind, notice how your body responds.  Is your face smiling? Are your shoulders relaxed? Is your tummy calm?  Create the sensation of pride throughout your body.

Each day complete one small task towards that goal. Allow yourself to feel the body sensations at least once a day.  And notice your mood. What else are you aware of that is different?

Energy Intention is a program to help you align your goals, with physical sensations and responses that help you feel pride, joy and confidence. Inner strength is a decision you make to change your life.

Good luck and please feel free to email me to jump-start your spring cleaning program.

By Diana St. Lifer

I would have never thought a fractured ankle would change my life…for the better.  It was January 2006 and my health insurance was giving both my doctor and I a hard time about approving an MRI. Weeks passed, and I kept working and walking on it despite the pain. My ankle continued to swell and hurt…a lot. Finally the doctor—in what seemed to have been a last-straw moment in having to deal with insurance approval aggravation one too many times—firmly declared, “Fine. If your insurance company won’t pay for the MRI, I am going to soft cast your foot and I want you out of work for six weeks. Here’s the note.”

At that point, I didn’t argue. I wanted relief from the pain and the thought of not going into the office for more than a weekend didn’t sound so bad. In fact, it sounded damn good. I had worked full time at the same place for the past 16 years, my sons were now 12 and 10 and, quite frankly, I needed a break (although one in my ankle wasn’t exactly what I had in mind).

I worked from home and had a chance to catch up on doing some of the things I loved but that had gotten lost somewhere along the way of graduating college, getting married, having children, and managing a career. Things like reading, journaling, and catching up with friends. Then there were the things I imagined doing if I didn’t have a bum foot, like a mid-afternoon walk or picking up the boys from school and taking them for ice cream.

But the reality was, once my foot healed I’d be back at work. I almost didn’t allow myself to entertain the “what if” thought when my younger son did what had come to be an after-school routine since I’d been home—he stormed through the front door, threw his backpack on the floor, grabbed a handful of cookies, and did a 360 to head back outside to play with the neighborhood kids. But on this day he stopped on his way out, looked at me and said, “I’m glad you’re home.”  Laughing, I asked, “Why? You come home and go right outside to play.”  He smiled and said without pause, “Yes. But I know you’re here.”

Call it what you will—an a-ha moment or a whisper from the Universe—but it was in that split second that I knew I needed to make a change. Don’t get me wrong, it took some additional thinking, soul-searching, financial analysis, and conversations with my husband, along with several panicked “what am I thinking?” moments to decide that I would leave my full-time job. But it was in that one moment that the feeling came over me that I needed to make a choice, and that choice was to make a change.

The day after I graduated from college I began work as a full-time reporter for a weekly newspaper.  The hours were long, the pay was hideous, but I loved every minute it and I was launching “a career.” Five years and two jobs later I got married and continued to work. Three years later my first son was born. I took the standard 12-week leave and went back to work, and I did the same thing two years later when my second son entered the world. I continued to work full time for the next 10 years juggling childcare, after-school care, emergency pick-ups, summer camps, etc.

Yes, it was time for a change.

Once I made the decision to leave my job things began to fall into place. When I gave my notice at work, they asked if I would consider coming back part time. Absolutely! And you can even work from home. Even better. This would be the first full summer I’d spend with the boys. A friend called: she was renting her home at the Jersey shore for the summer. I’ll take it!

I still refer to Summer 2006 as the best summer ever. I reconnected as a mother and wife. We reconnected as a family. And I had an opportunity to reflect how I want the next chapter of my life to unfold. The journey continues to be amazing, and I continue learning and growing along the way. I keep the soft cast as a reminder of how pain can lead to happiness.

I never regret making the decision to leave just as I never regret the years I worked. Where I am today is the result of the choices I’ve made in the past. What I’ve learned is that when I choose consciously from a place of love rather than fear, it will always bring me closer to my goals. Even if I have to limp getting there.

The Identity Five:

1. What have you accepted in your life that took time, physically or mentally?

It took me time to accept that I am in control of creating the life I want. It was time to stop worrying and fearing the unknown, and time to start being and doing.

2. What do you appreciate about yourself and within your life?

I appreciate the opportunity to be a positive influence to others and that every day my life is more abundant than I could have ever imagined.

3. What is one of your most rewarding achievements in life? What goals do you still have?

My most rewarding achievement is watching my sons grow into young adults who are kind, good-hearted and have a high standard of integrity and values. My goals include having a successful business, giving back in a meaningful way, and living every day with purpose.

4. What is your not-so-perfect way? What imperfections and quirks create your Identity?

I have come to accept that every imperfection is perfection in myself and in others. We are all unique individuals and my not-so-perfect way is still perfectly me. My New York accent is part of what makes me, me.

5. How would you complete the phrase “I Love My…?

My imperfect life!

An interview with Jennifer R. Strole, author of Mommy Says Jesus Christ is Coming!

Have you accepted something about yourself or in your life that tells a story?

In my life I have accepted that I am in control of nothing. God made me what I am…allergic to peanut butter, a mother of two beautiful boys, and a person who loves to be creative in all things.

Do you appreciate anything about yourself or your life?

I appreciate the fact that I am kind no matter the hardships I face and I will try to raise my boys to be the same way. There may be times when life is harder than you could have ever dreamed, but that doesn’t mean that you have to choose to be unkind during the process.

What have you achieved that you are proud of?

I am proud of a few things in my life…graduating from a four-year University, marrying my best friend, being the best mother I can be, and writing a book that I know is pleasing to God.

Have you had challenges accepting yourself and your life or your “Identity?”

I have had many challenges accepting the circumstances in my life. I have lost a lot of people who I have loved along the way, either by death or by the road of life leading into different directions. I have had rocky times, desperate times, and just plain old sad times…but through all of it I had faith, kindness, and continued to have love in my heart. I believe that we choose everything in our lives. Do I go left or right? Do I take a path that will lead to destruction or not? Do I do good things even though everyone else is doing bad things? I choose every day to be positive, even when people are negative around me. I know my rewards on earth may not be grand, but when I get to Heaven my mansion may be bigger than any you have ever seen. I am not rich in money, but I have always been and will continue to be rich in love and I thank God for it.

Jennifer R. Strole Answers the Identity Five!

1. What have you accepted in your life that took time, physically or mentally?

I accepted the task of trying to write a book even though I knew that it was going to take a lot of time and that I had to meet a lot of deadlines. I just became a mother for the first time and was home with my brand new baby boy when I entered a writing contest online, I sent a sample of my writing to Tate Publishing after I won the contest. I was contacted and they sent me a contract in the mail. I prayed about it and the next thing I know I had written a book that is available online at many stores, including Amazon.com. God is amazing and I feel that He blessed me with the gift of writing. I could only write down the words that He wanted me to place on the piece of paper in front of me. He gets the glory, I was just a tool.

2. What do you appreciate about yourself and within your life?

I appreciate the faith that my grandmother instilled in me at a very young age. I know that she is in Heaven smiling as she looks down and I am thankful.

3. What is one of your most rewarding achievements in life?

Writing Mommy Says Jesus is Coming!, is a great achievement, because there aren’t many books about the Return of Jesus Christ for children to read. I want my children to know about the second coming of Christ, have something to look forward to, and be able to understand what it means to be a good Christian during our time on this world. I still have many goals in my life and I think as long as we are living that we should continue to have goals. God has given us this life and we need to enjoy it, live it, and come to understand why we are here. What goals do you still have? I would love to write more books in a series, however, there needs to be a certain number of the first book sold before the next can be published. I also want to learn how to make extraordinary cakes, like the kind you see on television. I think that no matter how old you are you should never know what you want to be when you grow up, because you should want to be everything and try everything

4. What is your not-so-perfect way? What imperfections and quirks create your Identity?

My not-so-perfect way, well, unfortunately I need to ask God to tame my tongue on many occasions. I am still a Jersey girl at heart and sometimes my patients runs out a little faster than I would like. However, I do believe that my imperfections and quirks have made me a strong person and I do know when and how to stand up for myself. Nobody is perfect. There has only ever been one perfect man on Earth as far as I’m concerned and His name is Jesus. I just try to love with my whole heart. I also try to always have compassion and understanding for others, that’s probably why I have worked in the mental health field for four years.

5. How would you complete the phrase “I Love My…?”

I love my life. I really do. Even through all of the hardships, loss, pain, and sorrow. I am grateful for everything I have, even if it’s not a million bucks. My husband is wonderful, my children are unbelievable, and God is good. Yes, hard times will always come around, but that is how God tests your faith and it is necessary. I love my life and that’s important.

1. Yo-Yo Dieting: (Amy Cohen)

If you wanted to change the old pattern of yo-yo dieting, and to truly stick to a goal,  I would tell you to purchase “Wedding Bush.” It is a flower remedy from Australia that works to keep you focused on your goals. To help achieve what you want and stay committed, it works emotionally.

2. Slow Your Roll: (Amy Cohen)

If you are the type of person that takes on 1000 tasks and is always on the move and promise yourself to slow down, be more patient and spend more time with family, I may recommend “Black eyed Susan,” for slowing down and finding inner calm, or “Bush Gardenia” for deepening your relationship with family.

3. Know Your Self-worth: (Amy Cohen)

When you don’t have the confidence or self-worth to truly move forward in your life, “Five Corners” from Australia or “Larch” from Bach will truly help you to clear any self-sabatoge and work towards your goals. It will rid you of the “I’m not good enough,” or “I’m unloveable” words that play in your head and reverse those feelings. It will restore acceptance of yourself as being a woman who feels self love, acceptance, unique and special!


4. Procrastination: (Elizabeth R. Lombardo)

Understand that procrastination is caused by the
 anticipation that the activity will be unpleasant. So, take steps to make it 
more fun. Need to clean out your closet? Turn on some great tunes.

5. NOT Working Out: (Elizabeth R. Lombardo)

Remember your reasons WHY you want to work out (feel
 good, look good, be a good role model) and focus on THOSE rather than the 
reasons you don’t want to work out. Reward your good behavior (e.g., massage
 after every 20 workouts) and make exercise fun, by trying something different!

6. Perfectionism: (Elizabeth R. Lombardo)

Realize that your desire to be perfect is caused by a 
lack of self-confidence. Take steps
 to increase your sense of self independence through your accomplishments.

7. Poor Work-Life Balance: (Elizabeth R. Lombardo)

While you think checking your crackberry 
constantly makes you a better worker, you are wrong. Just like a
 professional athlete schedules in rest (they cannot train 24/7 and still be
 good), so must you. Set guidelines for yourself that are lenient at first 
(I will stop work at 6 p.m. and check my emails/VM at 8 p.m. but only respond to 
urgent items) to help you see that the world (and your job) do not end
 because of this. And be mindful when you are with your family/friends so 
that you enjoy that time.

8. Train your brain: (Holly Stokes)

Habits are hard to break because they are wired in to 
our brain. Anything that we repeat, the brain turns into a habit. With this
 NLP tool, you can help the brain set up a new mental pattern that will
 change the old habit with a Swish pattern from NLP (Neuro-Linguistic
 Programming).

 Imagine in your mind’s eye, doing the old habit. Now, imagine what you would 
like to do instead of the old habit. Create some visuals of the new habit, 
see yourself doing the new habit. Now, imagine packaging up the new habit
 into a ball of light and send it out into the distance. Now, imagine doing 
the old habit again. As you imagine doing the old habit, imagine that bright
ball of light coming back and exploding in front of you, with the image of
 doing the new habit, see yourself doing the new habit. Repeat this about eight 
times and it will set up a pattern interrupt in your brain, so you’ve 
created a new connection between the old habit and the new behavior.

9. Replace: (Holly Stokes)

Find a replacement for the old habit. Some of the old habits we do, we 
simply need to replace it with a new habit. For example, instead of biting
 your fingernails, wringing your hands would be a better alternative. Instead
 of smoking a cigarette, it could be replaced by breathing deeply.

10. Buddy Up: (Holly Stokes)

Get a buddy to help you notice or be aware of the habit. Sometimes when 
habits are deeply ingrained, we don’t notice that we are doing them. Having
 a buddy, a spouse, or coworker offer reminders can help you notice the habit 
so that you can change it.

Thank you to our participating Experts!
Amy Cohen, BFRP-  is a Flower Remedies Practitioner who focuses on emotional healing. She is an accredited teacher for Australian Bush Flower Essences, teaching at colleges throughout the U.S. And Canada.

Elizabeth R. Lombardo, Ph.D., M.S., P.T – A psychologist, physical therapist and author of the bestselling book A
 Happy You: Your Ultimate Prescription for Happiness, I help people create 
the lives they want to live.

Holly Stokes -  The Brain Trainer works with clients all across the U.S.
helping them change the negative habits and patterns of their lives. She has
written several programs to give people the freedom to change old patterns
including, A Lighter You Weight Loss System, Breathe Free Stop Smoking CD,
 Re-Wire your Brain for Wealth and Prosperity, and more. She is a Certified 
Life Coach, Master NLP Practitioner, and Clinical Hypnotherapist.