By Suzanne Pantazis

Yes, there was a time when I did not appreciate myself, for the simple reason that I was overweight. It didn’t matter that I was hardworking, successful, honest, ethical, highly respected in my community, and a loving devoted mother. All that mattered was that I was fat. I felt inadequate because of my obesity. I felt that there was something wrong with me because I could not achieve what most people seemed to do effortlessly, which was to be a normal healthy weight.  I used food to stuff down my emotions, rather than learning to stand up for myself and to love and appreciate myself.

I remember asking myself one day…” How come, I can make sure that my family gets plenty of rest, exercise, eats breakfast, packs a lunch etc., but I don’t do that for myself?” I usually was running around by the seat of my pants, making sure that everyone else was looked after except for me. I realized that I needed to appreciate myself and take the time to look after myself or I would be so unhealthy that I would not be able to look after anyone and I would eventually become a burden on others.

I Had To Learn To Appreciate Myself For Who I Was

I went through a complete body, mind and spirit makeover. During this process, I eventually lost 100 pounds. I had to learn to love myself for who I was and not for what I looked like. I had to rebuild my self-esteem. I had to learn to say “No” and quit allowing others to treat me like a doormat because I somehow felt inferior because I was overweight. I had suffered in a bad marriage for many years because I felt like no one else would want me because I was fat.

I remember the day very specifically when I finally stood up for myself and started appreciating myself. My husband at the time, had a dog, but it was always understood that this was his dog. I wanted to get a dog of my own, so I finally went out a got a little bijon shitzu. I was so happy when I returned home with my little puppy , but when I came home, my husband through a tantrum and told me that it was either going to be Him or the dog. I calmly told him, that I choose the dog.  That was a turning point in my life. I realized that I didn’t deserve to be treated so poorly just because I had a few extra pounds. 

Appreciate Your Beauty

I started to appreciate how beautiful of a person I was and I have never looked back since. I have left that unhappy marriage, I have learned how to say “No”, I have found a wonderful man who treats me the way I deserve to be treated and I am living each day to the fullest.

Now, I have decided to coach others who are struggling with the weight of self-confidence issues and I have written a book on health and happiness, which I hope will help others who need to appreciate how wonderful they truly are.

Are you ready to appreciate yourself?

Tomatoes are typically found in such abundance and so easily sneak their way into our daily diets that they often go overlooked for their outstanding nutritional value. You find them sliced on sandwiches, diced and tossed in salads, and in just about every Italian dish you can think of. Tomatoes come in so many varieties, but one thing is true for all of them: they are one of the best foods you can eat to promote overall health.

You’ve probably been hearing a lot of buzz in recent years about lycopene and its health benefits. And as the ketchup bottle will tell you, tomatoes are an excellent source of this particular antioxidant. Unlike other phytonutrients, lycopene has been extensively studied in humans as opposed to animals. Research has shown that lycopene helps the production of DNA in white blood cells, helps protect cells and other structures of the body against oxygen damage, and helps combat various forms of cancer, such as breast, prostate, lung, and pancreatic cancers. The lycopene found in tomatoes is especially effective when paired with healthy fats, such as olive oil, avocado, and nuts. The reason is because lycopene is a carotenoid, and carotenoids are fat-soluble and are absorbed into the body along with fats. Research has also shown that the lycopene found in tomatoes is more effective at maintaining overall health than just a lycopene supplement alone because the lycopene found in tomatoes works in conjunction with other phytonutrients found in tomatoes to combat certain kinds of cancer and keep cells protected from free radicals.

Tomatoes are also effective at combating atherosclerosis. Tomatoes are a good source of potassium and niacin. Niacin has been used for years as a safe way of lowering cholesterol, and diets rich in potassium have been shown to help lower blood pressure and reduce the risk of heart disease. Research conducted at Brigham and Women’s Hospital in Boston, MA also linked the lycopene in tomatoes with a reduced risk of cardiovascular disease in women.

Italian researchers reported in the Journal of Agricultural and Food Chemistry that a daily glass of tomato juice can help lower the inflammation marker, TNF-alpha, by 35% within a month. Tomatoes are also a good source of Vitamin K, which helps prevent bone loss by activating osteocalcin, which keeps calcium molecules in the bones. Get migraines? The riboflavin found in tomatoes can help reduce the frequency of attacks.

The list goes on an on, but the bottom line is to get your tomatoes any way you can! A good hearty tomato sauce laced with delicious olive oil, a nice refreshing bowl of gazpacho, or just slice ‘em up with some fresh mozzarella and basil and drizzle them with olive oil and some nice robust aged balsamic vinegar. Whatever way you slice ‘em, just make sure tomatoes keep sneaking their way into your daily diet so you can stay healthy and combat cancer and heart disease!

What is love and what is lust?

Typically in this column, one emotion is studied. This issue, let’s delve into the love vs. lust phenomena.

Searching ‘love‘ on dictionary.com provides 28 definitions for this one word! We all know the feeling of love is complicated, and even the definition isn’t a simple one.  Some definitions of love include: a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person; sexual passion or desire; to need or require, benefit greatly from; to hug and cuddle; to embrace and kiss, to engage in sexual activity; and a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection.

Lust, on the other hand, produces seven definitions on dictionary.com, which include: intense sexual desire or appetite; a passionate or overmastering desire or craving; and to have a yearning or desire.

Probably not shocking that lust is easier defined than love. Lust is superficial, temporary, so of course it’s ‘easy come, easy go.’ Love on the other hand…hard to come by, hard to let go of (sometimes).

I asked a few friends for their initial reaction of love vs. lust. Just like dictionary.com’s definitions, my friends categorized lust as ‘simpler’ and love as ‘more complicated.’ Here are some of their (often amusing) responses:

“Lust is better. Relationships are a freakin’ headache.”

“Lust is soooo much better when love is involved. Although, lusty one night stands are fun because you can be uninhibited and never have to see him/her again. Well, unless you see them out…then it could be awkward.”



“Both can be good depending on the mood.”

“You lust someone before you learn to love that someone.”



“Lust is instant. Love takes time to grow.”

“Lust is an urge, love is an emotion.”

“Lust is all play and love is all work.”

“Lust is temporary. It is a wonderful, passionate feeling that keeps you wanting more at the moment but never lasts. Love can be similar but yet so different. Love is also a wonderful, passionate feeling. Love is different in the sense that it feels like more of a comforting sense of eternal happiness, security, and euphoria.

“Lust is not a $250,000 divorce.”

From a physiological standpoint, the intense falling in love feeling is often associated with dopamine, which is associated with reward and reinforcement. If the relationship evolves into long-term then a maternal type love is engaged—which is related to the areas of the brain with oxytocin, the bonding hormone.

As a matter of fact, love can have you so infatuated with someone else that your brain filters out any negatives (a.k.a., red flags). Some studies have shown that the parts of the brain that normally judge human behavior get dimmed when falling in love.

What is Love

Love is a connection. Lust is a craving. Love is expecting nothing in return. Lust is all about what you can get in return. Love is a sense unity. Lust is an intense yearning for self gratification. Love sustains with communication and commitment. Lust sustains on sex. Love is about compatibility. Lust is strictly about physical chemistry.

Lust vs. love. Instant gratification vs. building a nurturing relationship. Which do you desire?

By Barbara Todish

My self-esteem was as sparse as my eyebrows, which were almost invisible!  My mom had little if any eyebrows, as well. She seemed to have brow bone that took the place of eyebrows and she certainly had loads of “back bone.” She was musically gifted, a classical pianist, maybe a genius, but she kept taking lessons to improve! In retrospect, she might have been happier had she been like her more glamorous sisters, but we will never know because she died in 2000.

I might have likewise avoided all glamour existence, identity, etc., for an alternative “tom-boy” like existence if not for finding my eyebrows! As a result of adding to my sparse eyebrows, I have gained a new “eye”-dentity!

Previously I was lacking in self confidence, so much so that I felt that instead of belonging, I was a quiet alien, even to myself. I used to attribute this “differentiation” to all kinds of bullying, abuses, etc. For instance, one of my earliest memories was of my mother saying, numerous times, “I wish I never had you,” to me and my younger brother. Because of this, I drank whatever was in the liquor cabinet at just 10-years-old when my parents would go out, and continued the drinking until I was about 50-years-old.

I focused on whatever it took to just survive.  I seemed to draw into my life all kinds of crises, especially “stormy and unstable relationships, for the most part,” (an exception was approximately 15 years as an airline flight attendant). I was always just living, barely living at all, always living on the edge of existence. I was unable to focus on future existence.

Gradually, almost imperceptibly, I began to extricate myself from what may have been an addiction to crisis.  I began to become aware of how the crises of my childhood made up a kind of practice identity that I believed was what I had to master in order to survive at all. I BELIEVED CRISIS WAS LIFE ITSELF! Then I believed for the longest time that I just had to make stability somehow come out of the chaos that was my childhood and family existence.  Now I know that the ANXIETY  OF AMBIGUITY can be a source of much creativity, innovation and pleasure, if  it can be viewed as possibilities and potential, instead of only the “dark (shameful i.e., being the “black sheep of a family, etc.,) side” of life. But now I know that kind of survival was wanting to hang onto a crisis identity, basically a family identity, even the despised black sheep identity, at any cost rather that risk choosing a powerful identity of my own making, namely “giving birth” to a family of oneself.

It took me a long time to take the, at first, baby steps needed to stop being the baby that my mother never wanted to grow up (or one of the three babies that she wanted to socially “engineer” to remain under her emotional control, as if she could “play” her children like the notes on her piano). I had a baby face, I was a baby boomer and a late bloomer, but what really helped more than almost anything else was when I allowed my eyebrows to “bloom”, of course with the help of eyebrow pencils and my intuition of where my eyebrows might belong, had there been more than I was given naturally!

Now I am grateful to just have eyebrow pencils, and I may still have an addictive type identity personality, etc., but it’s focused now on collecting eyebrow pencils in various colors, oh, and kisses, too!

Barbara answers our Identity Five!

1. What have you accepted in your life?

It took many years of patiently, and sometimes impatiently, being resilient to get to know what I was missing: eyebrows!

2. What do you appreciate the most in your life?

I am grateful that I “paid my dues” and had a RELATIVELY hard early, adult, etc., life, (who has an ABSOLUTELY hard life, after all if you at least survive) because I now can enjoy the little things in life, like the basics in life.

3. What is one of your most rewarding achievements in life so far?

I am able to take quality of life issues less seriously (perhaps I still take life and death issues too seriously, who knows?) This may be because I found my lost sense of humor. I’m trying to make my work be the play I missed out on, due to a childhood, etc., taken too seriously.

4. What is your not-so-perfect way?

What  concerns me a lot now, is that I might be be prevented from sharing the observations and reflections on  my past, unless I am able to re-frame the “darkness”, or write about my life as if it were fiction, or even that I may need to use a pen name or hire a ghost writer because I may have made SOOOO many bad impressions previously and I may need to make serious life ammends. It may be hard to know wwhere to start, and I may need help with this. In fact, I may have to learn a whole new way of acting, speaking,etc. (writing?) to become more like others and I may have to take acting, etc., lessons, just to act, etc,. more like others, because I am learning that there may very well be a possibility of being too unique to even comprehend yourself and your identity!

5. How would you complete the phrase, “I Love My…”?

For now, though, I love my “eye” identity and my identity too.

What the heck is going on in the world of health and beauty aids (or, as I like to call them, HABAs)? Products labeled “paraben-free” are popping up all over the place. I’m not sure about you, but it makes me wonder how unhealthy parabens are if brands like Neutrogena® are boasting a line of products that are paraben-free. What the heck are parabens?

Simply put, parabens are a class of chemicals that act as preservatives in HABAs to prevent bacteria growth. Parabens have been used as preservatives by cosmetic and pharmaceutical companies since the 1950s partly due to their efficacy and low cost, and partly due to the ineffectiveness of other more natural preservatives, such as grapefruit seed extract.

Parabens have been the subject of much controversy lately because of possible links to breast cancer. In research conducted in 2004 by British cancer researcher Philippa Darbre, Ph.D., parabens were found in low concentrations in 20 sampled malignant breast tumors, sparking the controversy that parabens contribute to the development of breast cancer. However, healthy breast tissue was not tested for parabens. Though no concrete scientific evidence exists to directly link parabens with breast cancer, it is believed that the ability of some parabens to slightly mimic estrogen, a hormone which plays a key role in the development of breast cancer, might be a contributing factor in the development of breast cancer.

Parabens have also recently come under scrutiny for contributing to the increasingly younger age at which girls are hitting puberty. Their ability to slightly mimic estrogen has been blamed for this. Again, there is currently no scientific evidence linking parabens to early puberty in girls.

All of this speculation leaves consumers wondering about the unknown. There is evidence of possible health hazards, but these theories have not been scientifically proven. What’s the bottom line? Parabens have been used as preservatives in products since the 1950s, so they have longevity of effectiveness. The FDA and the WHO (World Health Organization) have deemed parabens safe for use at low levels. As a consumer, a woman, and/or a mother, it’s probably best to be mindful (but not obsessive) of the products you and your family are using and the amount of parabens in them until research proves on thing or the other.

By Joann Klinkner

Odds are you probably haven’t heart of Sodium Nitrite unless you’re a meat eater. This chemical is commonly found in processed meats such as salami, bologna, hot dogs, bacon, and SPAM. Its principle purpose is to preserve processed and cured meats and prevent the formation of bacteria such as botulism. However, its pinkish color allows it to double as a colorant for meats to make them appear more appealing…you’d buy red meat as opposed to grey, wouldn’t you?

So what exactly is sodium nitrite? Essentially, it’s sodium chemically combined with nitrogen and oxygen to form a white crystal powder closely resembling table salt. It is slow to oxidize, which makes it good for preserving cured meats…and preventing corrosion in certain metals and alloys. Yup, you read that right! Not only is sodium nitrite used in the food industry to preserve processed cured meats and colorize them to make them more visually appealing to consumers, it is also used in photography labs and in the manufacturing of rubber chemicals and dyes for fabrics.

Generally, the levels of sodium nitrite in processed meat and fish products are low and deemed safe to ingest by FDA regulations (.0001% in cured fish and .0005-percent in cured meats). However, the major health concern with sodium nitrite lies in the reaction is sustains when exposed to high heats and other reactive agents…such as stomach acid. Sodium nitrite in cured meats can form carcinogenic (cancer-causing) nitrosamines when exposed to high temperatures, and when combined with the naturally occurring acids in the stomach. Sodium nitrite has also been linked to triggering migraines in people who already suffer from them.

The slightly reassuring news here is that more recent FDA regulations have required manufacturers to include specific levels of ascorbic acid (Vitamin C) in products containing sodium nitrite. Ascorbic acid, an antioxidant, inhibits the formation of nitrosamines. For the past 20 years, the cured meat manufacturing industry has cut back on the use of sodium nitrite and nitrate in cured meat products, and had significantly supplemented in ascorbic acid to deplete any residual nitrite and inhibit the formation of dangerous carcinogens.

Even with these changes and improvements in the cured meat and fish industry, the bottom line is that it’s best to stay away from any products containing sodium nitrite (or nitrate). Anything that has been proven to produce carcinogens when ingested and cause cancer should be avoided altogether.

Over the next several issues of Identity, let’s take a different approach to better understand our emotions. I’d like to tell you about a book that really helped me get a grasp on how I feel and why. It’s called The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.

Last time, we spoke of the first agreement in The Four Agreements book by Don Miguel Ruiz, “Be Impeccable With Your Word”, and before that we spoke of my personal favorite (and the second agreement), “Don’t Take Anything Personally.”

Understand the Third Agreement

Now let’s examine and understand the third agreement, “Don’t Make Assumptions.” 

Don’t we all do that? Make assumptions. Whether we make assumptions about what a person meant by what they said or what a person meant by what they did – if we don’t ask for clarification, we make assumptions. I know I’ve been guilty of making assumptions!

The scary thing about making assumptions is that it can lead to creating unnecessary drama. As Ruiz says, “The problem with making assumptions is that we believe they are the truth. We could swear they are real. We make assumptions about what others are doing or thinking, we take it personally, and then we blame them and react by sending emotional poison with our word.”

That emotional poison Ruiz speaks of is otherwise known as gossip. We then feel the need to justify and explain our feelings about a particular person or circumstance, so we go around and tell our friends our perception (which is really based on assumptions) of that particular person or circumstance. Many people are afraid to ask for clarification, which only fuels our assumptions leading us to really, truly believe they are the truth.

Often times, we see what we want to see and hear what we want to hear—we dream things up in our imagination. Think about it. Has there been a time when, for example, a friend has said or done something that hurt your feelings and instead of asking that friend for clarification, you dream up in your mind an entire scenario about why your friend said or did whatever? You play the whole thing out in your mind! But, if you chose to ask that friend some questions to better understand him or her, you would avoid having that angry and/or upsetting confrontation “in your head.” You may even discover that reality is much less dramatic.

Several years ago a co-worker said to me, “Girl, I’m brave…when I’m talking to myself!” In other words, she was saying that when she would “dream up” in her mind how a confrontation would go down, she was brave and strong-willed, but when it came down to actually confronting someone, she’d chicken out. We are all guilty of it…being so direct and brave in our minds when it comes to talking with someone about an offense or hurt feelings. But, when it comes down to actually having said conversation with the other person, often times we convince ourselves not to go through with it – staying pissed off and making assumptions is much easier.

Understand the Exceptions

Now of course, there are exceptions to every rule. Not every friend is easily questioned. It’s been my experience that certain friends, no matter how politely you ask for clarification, will get defensive and the conversation does end up becoming unnecessarily drama filled. But, that’s when the prior two agreements come into play: don’t take anything personally and be impeccable with your word. If you don’t take anything personally, you’ll be able to realize that your friend’s defensiveness is about him or her, not you. If you are impeccable with your word, you will choose to “confront” your friend by using non-accusing words that focus on strengthening your relationship, not breaking it down. You are in control of how you approach the conversation, how your friend reacts is not in your control.

 Ruiz also explains that we make the assumption that everyone sees life as we do. Ruiz says, “We assume that others think the way we think, feel the way we feel, judge the way we judge, and abuse the way we abuse.” He also says that this is why making assumptions can be so damaging to relationships. When your boyfriend or husband doesn’t do what you thought they would, you think “he should have known better” or “if he loves me, he would know what I want or how I feel.”

Ruiz also addresses the assumption that many have in romantic relationships, “My love will change this person.” He says that often times when entering into a relationship you will justify why you like the person because you only see what you want to see and deny there are things you don’t like about that person. Then when you get hurt, you suddenly see what you didn’t want to see before—and now you blame the other person for your choices.  Real love, says Ruiz, is accepting people the way they are without trying to change them. If you try to change someone, you don’t really like who they are. Be who you are and let others be who they are—don’t present a false image.

In my opinion, the key to not making assumptions boils down to three C’s: courage, clarity, and communication. We need to have the courage to ask questions so that we can have clarity regarding what was said or done, in turn, opening up lines of communication. When you clearly and directly communicate, there’s no room for assumptions to be made.

Unfortunately, this is not how most humans interact. Most of us choose to, well, make assumptions! And that choice is based on fear, and that’s why having courage plays a vital role in overcoming assumptions.

So, how about giving it a try? The next time you’re tempted to make an assumption, muster up the courage to ask questions. When you choose to communicate you’ll quickly notice that you encounter fewer misunderstandings and less unnecessary drama!

In the next issue, we’ll examine the fourth agreement: Always Do Your Best.

By Joann DiFabio-Klinkner

Bell peppers have long stood in the shadow of hot peppers because they don’t pack the same heat punch as their spicy cousins.  They may not be at the forefront of food challenges, but sweet bell peppers pack a pretty impressive one-two punch when it comes to other essential nutrients.  And for that, they deserve a spotlight!

Think a tall glass of orange juice will give you the Vitamin C you need to get over that cold? Think again. One cup of raw sweet bell peppers packs nearly 200-percent of the daily value of Vitamin C — 200-percent! And it doesn’t stop there. One cup of raw sweet bell peppers also pack about 60-percent of the daily value of Vitamin A, which helps keep your eyes, skin, and mucous membranes healthy, and also destroys cancer-causing free radicals in the body.

When it comes to antioxidants, bell peppers certainly don’t fall short. In addition to Vitamins C and A, raw bell peppers also contain an excellent amount of Vitamin E and a good amount of the antioxidant mineral manganese. Bell peppers also contain excellent amounts of the carotenoids lutein and zeaxanthin, which may help reduce the risk of a condition called age-related macular degeneration (AMD). In AMD, the macula of the eye (the centermost part of the retina) becomes damaged and vision can be lost. Lutein and zeaxanthin are found in high concentrations in the macula of the eye, and are responsible for protecting the macula from oxygen-related damage that can lead to loss of vision.

While no direct research has been conducted to link the antioxidants specifically found in bell peppers with reduced risk for disease, antioxidants themselves have been studied extensively and have been proven to reduce the risk for certain cancers and other diseases, such as cardiovascular disease and type-2 diabetes. Research directly related to the antioxidants and carotenoids in bell peppers is expected to turn up in a variety of human health studies in the near future. But with a nutrition fact sheet as impressive as bell peppers’, it certainly can’t hurt your health to nosh on them a little more often!