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Why Feeling Accepted is a Human Need

Why Feeling Accepted is a Human Need
Brenda Vester
Written by Brenda Vester

We cannot be all things to all people and we don’t have to earn acceptance.

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We are rejected all the time; some rejections just sting more than others.  I experienced it just yesterday.  We have a consignment shop in town. I was going to drop off a little table that I thought she would like.  Her face when I walked in was evidence enough that she was not interested. To add insult to injury, she whispered, condescendingly, ‘I just don’t think it will sell’.

Ouch. This is something I had purchased and now it was not good enough to even sell in a consignment shop?

I was irritated, but more than that, I felt a rejection of sorts?  It was funny to me that a little thing like that could matter?  Emotional responses come and go and it is our job to determine how to react or respond to them.  They are information that can be interpreted in a number of ways.

If a minor interaction like that could provide a negative response, it is no wonder the angst we feel when it is with regard to our personal relationships.  When a loved one rejects us, the pain can be overwhelming.  It can create walls in your emotional world that last a lifetime.  Many of us were taught our value growing up based on acceptance or rejection.

Keep in mind, to feel accepted is a human need.  It is not simply a nice to have; we require it.  People will go to great lengths to be and feel accepted. The extreme religious cults, porn industry and gangs rely on this need as a recruiting tool.

Knowing we need to find acceptance is freeing to me. It makes me look at rejection in a new way.  I am rejected in my work quite a bit as I work in business development. I can also find it in my home; if my 15 year old daughter is in a bad mood , that can lead to feelings of rejection.  Those same feelings remind me of fighting with my boyfriend in college; the idea of rejection from him at that time was devastating.

 

I understand now that the emotions that arise are signals – and I can choose how to respond.  I have been training myself to see that feeling of rejection as a good thing.  That negative vibe of rejection is my indicator to back off.  Let go and turn attention to something else that feels better.  Rejection is not something you have to fight.  If my daughter is giving me the cold shoulder, I don’t try to ask over and over what’s wrong,  I simply acknowledge it and let her go be in the mood she needs to be in. She eventually comes around.

Rejection can act like a bumper pad helping to guide you to where you will be accepted.  The rejection of a love interest or friendship can be devastating.   I had a friend, I say ‘had’ because ironically she rejected me over a disagreement we had!  However, her advice on this subject really stuck with me. She would respond when I would lament about not winning a piece of business or a boy did not like me, with “That’s not for you”   I learned to say to myself, ‘that which you are chasing so hard, is not for you– let go”.  It’s a powerful mantra to train yourself in reaction to those feelings.

It just comes when you are in the right place with the right people. The only way to get there is to listen and pay attention; don’t judge whether someone/something should accept you; just let it be as it is.

Rejoice in the Rejection!  It is a ‘Do Not Enter Sign’ from your spirit.  Let it redirect you quickly, don’t linger in the negativity,  as there are open arms waiting for you further down the road.

Identity Magazine is all about empowering women to get all A’s in the game of life – Accept. Appreciate. Achieve.™ Every contributor and expert answer the Identity 5 questions in keeping with our theme. As a team, we hope to inspire and motivate ourselves and inspire you to get all A’s.

What have you accepted within your life, physically and/or mentally? What are you still working on accepting?

Still working on accepting the restriction of time.. it continuously feels like my enemy!

What have you learn to appreciate about yourself and/or within your life, physically and mentally? What are you still working on to appreciate?
What is one of your most rewarding achievements in life? What makes YOU most proud? What goals and dreams do you still have?

I have a goal to live in my dream house.

We all have imperfections, so we think. The truth—we are all perfectly imperfect. What are your not-so-perfect ways? What imperfections and quirks create who you are—your Identity?

Cooking. Enough said.

“I Love My…” is an outlet for you to express and appreciate all the positive traits that make you…well… YOU! Sharing what you love about yourself will make you smile, feel empowered, and uplift your spirit and soul. (we assure you!) Identity challenges you to complete the phrase “I Love My…?

I love my ability to laugh at myself and use it to help others to as well.

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About the author

Brenda Vester

Brenda Vester

I am passionate about raising awareness for women’s equality & empowerment in the areas of careers, self-development, leadership and parenting. I believe we all have the power to design our lives creating the best environment to become who we want to be.

Professionally, I have spent the past 20 years working in sales, human resources, consulting & speaking within many industries; Retail, Airlines, Public Relations, Energy & Gas, Leadership Development & Career Management. (more detail at linkedin.com\brenda vester)

I also manage a small business, Kabina Publishing. This work encompasses my personal views, creative expression and research around the intersection of work/life and how to design a life you love. My favorite project has been completing my book, Capture Your Power, published in 2009.

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