Before & After "I Do" Featured

Couples’ 6 Most Common Sleeping Squabbles

How to Sleep
Written by Cher Zavala

One of the biggest challenges individuals endure after entering a relationship is sleeping together — literally.

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One of the biggest challenges individuals endure after entering a relationship is sleeping together — literally.


Sleep is incredibly important for proper bodily function, and almost every person has unique needs for a perfect night’s sleep. Thus, when two people share a bed, they face the obstacle of joining potentially disparate sleep routines into one.

As with any issue requiring compromise in a relationship, this can lead to disagreements, if not all-out battles, in bed. Making matters worse, multiple studies demonstrate that couples tend to fight more after a poor night’s sleep, so a partner whose sleep is suffering is more likely to engage in quarrels over anything and everything, including sleep-related issues. Couples who constantly clash under the covers would do well to learn more about the causes and potential resolutions of common sleep fights.

1. Light vs. No Light
Nightlights aren’t just for kids; plenty of sleepers crave some illumination while they sleep, whether for comfort or safety. Lights allow nervous individuals to see their surroundings even on moonless nights, and they guide the way to the bathroom or kitchen in times of need. However, other sleepers need complete darkness for their circadian rhythm to sync up.
Couples who disagree on the perfect amount of light should be able to compromise on hallway nightlights. The light is outside the room, allowing for darkness in the sleep zone, but a glimmer under the doorway provides sufficient illumination to help calm anxious minds.

2. Reading vs. Watching
The world is filled with two types of people: those who read before bed and those who watch television. Readers can be distracted by the light, sound, and movement of a show, which can cause tension when watchers want to move a TV into the bedroom. While there isn’t a perfect way to split these preferences, perhaps you may find compromise by dimming the screen and muting the sound, or else restricting watching time to well before sleep.

3. Soft vs. Firm
The firmness of a mattress has a profound impact on a person’s health. Lighter people need softer mattresses for comfort and support, while heavier people tend to benefit more from firmer bedding. If one half of your couple is suffering pains and other health problems (including issues with respiration, circulation, and nerves) due to the other’s firmness requirements, it may be time to change your mattress. Adjustable mattresses like the Personal Comfort Bed system allow for each sleeper to set their side at the perfect softness or firmness, providing the perfect mattress for both parties no matter one’s particular desires.

Block Sound Out

4. Sound vs. No Sound
Sleepers who grew up with the distant sound of adults watching television or the gentle hum of lullabies on a radio likely still prefer falling asleep to some type of noise, usually soothing music or white noise. For these sleepers, complete silence is difficult to fall asleep to. Then there are sleepers for whom a quietly ticking clock sounds like peals of thunder while they are trying to drift off. If you have a discrepancy in the required amount of noise in the bedroom, consider investing in ear plugs. Plugs come in all shapes and sizes, but they are generally a cheap and effective solution to a pesky problem.

5. Alarm vs. Sleeping In
When one person must awaken at 5 a.m. every morning while the other can sleep in until 8 a.m. or later, the earlier alarm can often be met with cursing and irritation by the party who wants to sleep in. Most American couples are composed of two working individuals, which saves most people from the alarm dilemma. However, those couples who find conflict in different waking times will have to learn to compromise, especially if the early riser struggles to wake up on their own. One possible solution would be to use a cellphone alarm, which can be made quieter and held beneath the appropriate pillow, allowing for a gentler and more person-specific awakening.

6. Blankets vs. No Blankets
The temperature of a room and a bed is a highly personal preference, and different sizes and sexes tend to have different requirements. For example, women in particular tend to need colder rooms — between 60 and 70 degrees Fahrenheit — due to fluctuating body heat from menstruation and menopause. Seemingly in contrast, women also tend to prefer more bed covers, and many partners may find themselves trying to steal back blankets some time during the night.

A perhaps less-than-romantic solution is to have blankets designated for each partner; if you eliminate the possibility of sharing, you reduce the likelihood of theft. Additionally, lowering the thermostat for a warm party and applying warmer sleep clothes to a cold party should resolve any temperature dispute.

Identity Magazine is all about empowering women to get all A’s in the game of life – Accept. Appreciate. Achieve.™ Every contributor and expert answer the Identity 5 questions in keeping with our theme. As a team, we hope to inspire and motivate ourselves and inspire you to get all A’s.

What have you accepted within your life, physically and/or mentally? What are you still working on accepting?

My main acceptance in life would be that “change” itself is a constant and regardless of opinion it is inevitable. Making peace with ones self and accepting the things we CANNOT change is key to living a full and happy life. Within those experiences we grow as people and learn.

What have you learn to appreciate about yourself and/or within your life, physically and mentally? What are you still working on to appreciate?

I have learned to appreciate all of my imperfections as it makes me who I am as a person and in reality “perfection” is all up for interpretation. In return I have taught myself to replace the old methods in dealing with situations and problems with ones that will deliver or elicit positive responses and solutions.

What is one of your most rewarding achievements in life? What makes YOU most proud? What goals and dreams do you still have?

I believe my core values or the personal rules I have set in place for myself and chose to live by have brought nothing but reward to my life as it has created my known presence to be one of value and those things remind me daily of my standards set if ever I were to steer off course.

We all have imperfections, so we think. The truth—we are all perfectly imperfect. What are your not-so-perfect ways? What imperfections and quirks create who you are—your Identity?

Over analyzing every situation would definitely be a not-so-perfect quirk about myself, leading my mind to wander with thoughts of what-if’s, that usually are just that, “what-if’s”. Along with spontaneity and positivity it creates my not-so-perfect, but awesome self!! 🙂

“I Love My…” is an outlet for you to express and appreciate all the positive traits that make you…well… YOU! Sharing what you love about yourself will make you smile, feel empowered, and uplift your spirit and soul. (we assure you!)

Identity challenges you to complete the phrase “I Love My…?

I love my positive outlook on life and the huge heart I carry with me daily filled with nothing but compassion for others and a willingness to always be learning something new.

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About the author

Cher Zavala

Cher is a content coordinator who assists in contributing quality articles on various topics. In her free time she also enjoys hiking, traveling and getting to know the world around her. Cher has built up many strong relationships over the years within the blogging community and loves sharing her useful tips with others.

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