No one ever promised us life would be fair. Disappointments are an unavoidable part of life, although sometimes it feels like we’re getting more than our share.
Just last night I had dinner with a close friend who has been through the wringer for the past few years. Not much seems to go right in her life and her challenges have been piling up on all fronts—marriage, business, kids, health, death. You name it, she’s dealing with it. For my friend, every day is hunker-down time. There is no time for her to relax or think about how things will improve because her objective is merely to make it through each day and wait for the dark curtain to lift a little.
Our conversation got me to thinking about all the people I care about who are dealing with disappointments in their lives. One of my team members tragically suffered the loss of a child a few years back. This is the type of loss that stays with a person forever. For all of us who know what deep loss feels like, we remember there are times of the year that are just more difficult, where our feelings pop up like a champagne cork and spill all over.
In my own life, I’ve had a number of big bumps to deal with. One especially dark period about a decade ago included a crashing business, my father’s death, and an eviction notice. I was newly divorced and struggling to protect my young daughter from the rest of my life as it was falling apart. It was a disappointment bonanza wherever I looked and I didn’t know how I would make it through. Yet, I always knew I would, somehow.
No one ever promised us life would be fair. Disappointments are an unavoidable part of life, although sometimes it feels like we’re getting more than our share. We all have wishes, thoughts, dreams, big ideas, and hopeful expectations. But often these aspirations get bulldozed by life in the present. Marriage, business, kids, health, death—none of us are immune to the types of things my friend is going through.
Yet, we always have a choice. We can try to protect ourselves from disappointments and cautiously tiptoe through our days worrying about something, someone, somewhere that we cannot control. Or, we can live with abandon and believe that a life filled with integrity and based on personal values will ultimately reward us with happiness and love.
If you are having a tough time right now, please hang in there. It’s not always going to be like this. I call these phases of life ego-RHYTHMs® because our highs and lows ebb and flow and we will eventually move past what we’re dealing with now and onto another phase, just as we have our entire lives so far.
Right now, the most important thing I want you to do is establish what you stand for and the type of person you want to be. Clarity and integrity are the two terms that I revert to. I recommend stepping away from your situation as much as possible until your hurt and anger have subsided enough that you can get back to making good decisions.
In The Women’s Code, we use the first Pillar of Awareness and ask ourselves these questions: What is the reality of this situation? Who do I want to be in this? Based on the Core Code of Conduct you subscribe to, your self-reflections and insights will lead you to the best way to react to and cope with your unique situation.
And when in doubt—do nothing. Things will continue to change around you, and you will recognize the right time to act when it comes.
When I moved past the Tragedy ego-RHYTHM in my life, I was rewarded with business success and no more worries about providing for my daughter. The low point was exceedingly difficult, but the highs have been worth the struggle.
I invite you to visit thewomenscode.com to learn more about ego-RHYTHM® and the Three Pillars and how they can help you when dealing with disappointments. And please let me know how this advice has helped you or someone you know.
Identity Magazine is all about empowering women to get all A’s in the game of life – Accept. Appreciate. Achieve.™ Every contributor and expert answer the Identity 5 questions in keeping with our theme. As a team, we hope to inspire and motivate ourselves and inspire you to get all A’s.
What have you accepted within your life, physically and/or mentally? What are you still working on accepting?
I’ve come to realize that I am not in control of everything, or even as much as I think I am. It’s hard for me to let go knowing I am not fully in charge of my own destiny. Of course I like to be in control, but no one ever truly is.
What have you learn to appreciate about yourself and/or within your life, physically and mentally? What are you still working on to appreciate?
I am grateful that I can take my “bad times” and transform them into advice that hopefully helps others deal with their own low points a bit more easily. I can’t exactly say I’m grateful to endure those tough years, but it was a formative time in my life and I wouldn’t be the person I am now without those experiences. They are why I am successful today.
What is one of your most rewarding achievements in life? What makes YOU most proud? What goals and dreams do you still have?
At the end of my Tragedy ego-RHYTHM, I sold my business to a Bill Gates company for millions of dollars. I worked extremely hard to get to that point and I am proud of myself for not giving up even when it all seemed hopeless. The Women’s Code is my new passion and my dream is to create a sisterhood where we help ease each other’s struggles while being better to ourselves, too.
We all have imperfections, so we think. The truth—we are all perfectly imperfect. What are your not-so-perfect ways? What imperfections and quirks create who you are—your Identity?
I am not always as optimistic as I encourage others to be. I succumb to pressure and stress just like anyone else can. I think by finding positive ways to get through these times enables me to provide sincere and practical insights.
“I Love My…” is an outlet for you to express and appreciate all the positive traits that make you…well… YOU! Sharing what you love about yourself will make you smile, feel empowered, and uplift your spirit and soul. (we assure you!)
Identity challenges you to complete the phrase “I Love My…?”
Ability to help to take even the toughest situation and find a silver lining.