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Pregnancy and Motherhood: My Humorous Take on Being Grateful

Pregnancy Humor
Susan Vernicek
Written by Susan Vernicek

Most of you will want to strangle me with what I’m about the tell you.

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I thought I’d join in on all the being grateful and thankful challenges as Thanksgiving approaches with a little humor.


November represents thankfulness. Individuals are up for the colossal challenge of expressing and releasing what they are grateful for and appreciate during November. They volunteer to participate in many of the daily challenge clubs on Facebook, Twitter, and even Instagram. In fact, I am one of those grateful enthusiasts, but I work every month to share and show my appreciation, not just during the month of November.

I’m sitting here thinking about how grateful I am for giving natural birth to my set of boy/girl twins. On the other hand, lets get real for all the not so grateful moments in being a new mom.

This year, I share with you a bunch of moments that I’m not grateful for. This is why we have platforms to express and share our informative, optimistic, narcissistic, or humorous voices, right?

1. I’m not grateful for Under Armour’s “Stretch Cheeky” underwear they claim to be one size fits all. I can tell all you pregnant ladies to not even to try it. Yes, when I read, “one size fits all,” I assumed one size fits all. I wanted to feel good not having to buy “maternity” underwear or granny pants to workout in, so I gave this a try. They need to add a disclaimer saying that it stretches all right, but it stretches and disappears at the same time looking like you are wearing floss. How about “one size fits all, maternity excluded. Thanks Under Armour, I feel sexy and fit now. (4 months after delivery, they fit.)

2. I’m not grateful for the scabbed nipples after learning how to breastfeed. I can’t tell you how many times I said f**k in my head while each baby was latching on—oh and cursing my husband because he doesn’t have to suffer physically like I had to.

3. I’m not grateful for the diaper contraption you have to wear during the healing process. I’m learning how to take care of two babies, as if I really want to waddle around the house and take care of myself too?

4. Although I love my twins and every moment with them, I am not grateful for my hand being covered in poop—my babies’ poop or not. No thank you.

5. I’m not grateful for projectile spit up from twins at the same time, 4 times a day. On a positive note, my reflexes have gotten quite quick.

6. I’m not grateful for the nightmares I have almost every night about me not being a good enough mother or screwing something up.

7. I’m not grateful for not producing enough milk, leaving me to think Enfamil was the only way to go—4 months later realizing we got robbed by Enfamil and could have saved lots with Target’s formula. I love you Target.

8. I’m not grateful for the awful thoughts I had while breastfeeding in the middle of the night alone. Do I even dare to share? Please tell me you had every thought possible as well.

9. I’m not grateful for peeing my pants in the supermarket from sneezing.

10. Being that this is number 10, I’ll end with what I am grateful for. I’m grateful for all the attention and extra care you get during pregnancy.

Most of you will want to strangle me with what I’m about the tell you. For carrying twins, I had the smoothest, healthiest pregnancy. I could still eat all that I loved to eat, and was able to still work out. Not once did I get sick. I’m grateful for that. Vomiting is my absolute least favorite thing to do. The only cravings I “told myself” I had was chocolate. Who was I kiddin’? I need chocolate every day. Last, I’m grateful for only gaining 45 pounds—not grateful for the stretched out belly button with a belly ring hole in it. I’ll use that in 17 years to show June why not to get her belly button pierced.

I’m grateful for delivering twins naturally, aka vaginal style and not feeling a thing—Thank you epidural. I would give birth all day long, but without the aftermath mess and pain.

All humor aside, I will say I am so grateful for the experiences I have endured so far being a mother. Each of these not so grateful moments has taught me a lot. I feel better now that I’ve released them. I believe in taking a realistic, not romanticized, viewpoint to my pregnancy and motherhood.

I absolutely love the challenge, love my twins, love my family, and I love seeing June and Cade reach their milestones each month.

I’m grateful for all the smiles I wake up to each morning. Morning smiles from my husband, and the moment we walk into the nursery to say good morning to our munchkins…that very first morning eye contact is breathtaking.

Identity Magazine is all about empowering women to get all A’s in the game of life – Accept. Appreciate. Achieve.™ Every contributor and expert answer the Identity 5 questions in keeping with our theme. As a team, we hope to inspire and motivate ourselves and inspire you to get all A’s.

What have you accepted within your life, physically and/or mentally? What are you still working on accepting?

I’ve accepted my changed body after giving birth to twins.  It’s mentally challenging to see the change in your body, but at the same time I am amazed at what our bodies can do.

What have you learn to appreciate about yourself and/or within your life, physically and mentally? What are you still working on to appreciate?

I appreciate life for giving me these two miracles. My twins inspire me to give my best and I appreciate that they challenge every emotion.

What is one of your most rewarding achievements in life? What makes YOU most proud? What goals and dreams do you still have?

I’m extremely proud of all that I have accomplished to this day. I would say I’m most proud of the control I’ve had on my patience learning motherhood.  It’s hard! A goal in the works is publishing another book, which is in the works!

We all have imperfections, so we think. The truth—we are all perfectly imperfect. What are your not-so-perfect ways? What imperfections and quirks create who you are—your Identity?

 I have so many, but this time I will share that I’m known for my blonde moments and I enjoy them myself. I love a good laugh along with my friends.

“I Love My…” is an outlet for you to express and appreciate all the positive traits that make you…well… YOU! Sharing what you love about yourself will make you smile, feel empowered, and uplift your spirit and soul. (we assure you!)

Identity challenges you to complete the phrase “I Love My…?

I love my sense of humor

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About the author

Susan Vernicek

Susan Vernicek

Facts about Susan Vernicek:
• She’s happily married and a mother of twins.

• She’s tried almost every fad diet back in her quick-fix days, admits at age 34 it’s a struggle to work hard on overall balance and is focused on not giving into the unhealthy fads we see daily.

• She’s all natural with natural blonde hair, uneven breasts, a bigger nose, and full of curves that she learns to appreciate more and more each day.

• She had a career where part of her job was staring at herself 40 hours a week manipulating her very own face as well as others.

• She’s the youngest of 7, ranging from 30-50+, an Aunt, Great Aunt and even younger than some of her nieces and nephews!

• She’s traveled and seen over 8 countries and spent a summer in London finding her passion and embracing life.

• She created S&J Identity, Inc. AKA Identity Magazine, having no business background and at the age of 25.

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