While there is a difference between the butt attached to your body and the “but” imbedded in your brain, they serve a similar function – which is comfort. Read below on how to get rid of your “buts” and make your dreams happen.
I have always been a big fan of butts. Wait…bare with me…this article gets better I swear…
Let’s face it, butts are soft and comfy to sit on, particularly if you love riding a bicycle as much as I do, butts do indeed make things a lot more pleasant. Butts are great to relax into on an old sofa after a long day at work. Butts provide that little extra bit of cushion that is often the difference between “enjoyable” and “ouch”.
A lot of the time in my line of work as a Health Coach people come to me seeking help with improving their health, diet, life, mind or their relationships and the very first thing I tell them is that they have to lose their “buts” to become truly successful at any one of those things. I tell them they need to in effect get off their “buts” even though they’ve become rather fond and comfortable sitting on them.
While there is a difference between the butt attached to your body and the “but” imbedded in your brain, they serve a similar function – which is comfort. The trouble is that a lot of people don’t just sit on their “buts” on occasion when they need a little rest; they begin live on their “buts” and thus begin a slow descent into atrophy and ultimately death. This is not a physical death, but to most of my clients, the feeling is just as bad. It is the death of their dreams.
Don’t believe me? Let’s for a moment look at what it is to sit on your physical buut. What happens when you sit on your butt for an extended period of time? Not just for an hour, but let’s say a week, a month, or even a year… Anyone?
Well, I’ll tell you, your muscles begin to get weaker and smaller; your body begins to lose its strength and ability to do and try new things. That is why people who are bed bound have to go to Physical Therapy, because if they don’t move off their butts they would get very sick and die. This is exactly what occurs when we as people begin to live on our “buts”.
In our world today there is “but” sitting epidemic going on. A lot of people see and know exactly what they want but they have been sitting on their “buts” so long that they don’t have the strength to stand up and run after it so it just passes them by. Maybe it’s the perfect partner, or the dream job, or the healthy fit body. If you are sitting on your “but” there is really no chance any of those things will ever be yours and you don’t need me to tell you that.
When you suffer from “but” sitting your perfect partner meets and marries someone else, likewise someone else who maybe even started out with less than you gets your dream job, and that healthy, fit, body? Well, someone else who weighed 50lbs more than you and just had a baby got off their “but” will get that too.
Does that make you mad? Well, it should. Sometimes a little emotion is just what it takes to get off your “but”.
Let me explain the 3 kinds of highly dangerous “buts” that we as people sit on. These “buts” often reveal themselves as the tiny but persistent toxic voice that’s in our head that sounds a heck of a lot like an excuse.
“But” Number 1: This is the “BUT” that the little voice in your head says: “BUT I don’t have the…” and then finishes the sentence with something along the lines of “Time, Money, Training, Education, Experience, Background, Talent, Drive” and so on.
“But” Number 2: Is the fear driven “BUT” that the little voice in your head says “BUT what happens if…” and then finishes the sentence with something like: “I fail, I’m not good at it, I disappoint her or him, I run out of money, I don’t know what I’m doing, I become just like my parents, I make a fool out of myself, “ and so on. This is the “but” that puts fear in the driver’s seat as opposed to you. When fear is in the driver’s seat, you are no longer the master of your emotions or your life.
“But” Number 3: This is the most toxic “BUT” of them all. This is the “but” that the little voice in your head says “BUT I’m not…” and then finishes the sentence with something like: “ready, smart enough, successful enough, rich enough, pretty or handsome enough, talented enough, young enough, old enough, tall enough, thin enough, good enough, or just enough.”
All 3 of these “Buts” are very powerful because even though they are all self-defeating lies, your belief in them will make them happen. It is simply how the Universe works. There is no better explanation of this Universal Law than my favorite quote from Gandhi: “Man often becomes what he believes himself to be. If I keep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain thing, it is possible that I may end by really becoming incapable of doing it. On the contrary, if I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning.”
Out of the 3 “Buts” I mentioned the most dangerous is the “BUT I’m not…” because it basically says that other people got something at birth that you didn’t and because of who you came into the world as, you’re not going to get what you want. Your dream life is for someone else, and not for you. I’m here to tell you that’s one if the biggest lies on the planet. Someone didn’t get “better” they got something different, and different is also great! While we all come into this world with a different hand of cards, one hand is not better than another it is all about how you play up what you DO have going for you!
For example when I was a kid one of my favorite basketball players was a guy called “Muggsy” Bogues who played point guard for four teams during his 14-year career in the NBA, most notably for the Charlotte Hornets. This guy could really move and jump and pass and score like no one I’d ever seen before, he was truly a joy to watch on the basketball court. He was absolutely memorable. The one thing that everyone remembers about “Muggsy” was that he was the shortest point guard in the history of the sport at 5”3’. The other point guards in the league towered over him. “Muggsy” was told countless times on his journey to the NBA that he wasn’t tall enough or right for the NBA, and yet he persisted. What “Muggsy” saw and knew that all his naysayers did not was that his height was not a disadvantage – he saw it as an advantage – he knew it made him totally unique and entirely memorable. His height allowed him to move the ball low to the ground and out of reach of the defenders, giving him an advantage over the typical 6 ft plus player. It was all how “Muggsy” saw himself and the voice in his head was one that helped him move forward, rather than holding him back from the amazing career and greatness that was within him.
The reason this story is applicable to the 3 “buts” is that in order to get off your “but” and actually go after your goal you have to stand. You have to get moving in a different direction than the weak and ever-degrading position of “but” sitting. Because while it may be comfortable to sit on your “but” , no one is truly happy on their “but”, no one becomes successful on their “but”, no one becomes great or achieves greatness while sitting on their “but”, no one becomes memorable on their “but”.
So how does one stand after years of “but” sitting? You take a stand for something by changing the little persistent toxic voice in your head. You have to give it new words, words that will get you closer to what you want. You must take a stand on what you want to achieve. If it’s the perfect body you want, you must take a stand on your health and commit to going to the gym everyday, hiring a coach or a trainer if necessary. If it’s the great relationship you want with your partner, you must take a stand to not just go through the motions, disconnect from the phone and the computers and the routine and the stress at work, and actually make the time to connect with your partner on an emotionally intimate or physical level on a regular basis. If it’s the dream job you want, you must take a stand that you are going to do and take every single step necessary everyday to build your vision.
Taking a stand is also learning how to speak to yourself with love and support and encouragement. So often we defeat ourselves by allowing the little voice in our head to become a toxic little pest that’s more of a demon than a Guardian Angel guiding us. That voice is very powerful. That voice when toxic strips us down and devalues us and finds fault in everything we see in the mirror or do in our lives.
You can transform that voice into the Guardian Angel simply by saying words that are empowering such as “I am amazing, I am good enough, I am talented enough, I am capable, I am memorable, I am unique, I am great enough, I can achieve this thing,” and so on. Find words that empower rather than disempower the vision you have for your life in all areas. In short, feed the angel and not the demon.
I am hoping you all will take a stand in your life and get off your “buts” so you can live and achieve the greatness that you all deserve.
Identity Magazine is all about empowering women to get all A’s in the game of life – Accept. Appreciate. Achieve.™ Every contributor and expert answer the Identity 5 questions in keeping with our theme. As a team, we hope to inspire and motivate ourselves and inspire you to get all A’s.
What have you accepted in your life that took time, physically or mentally?
I accepted that I am in control of my life and emotions and it’s entirely up to be to direct my course and create what I want in my life.
What do you appreciate about yourself and within your life?
I appreciate that no matter what the situation, no matter how tense or stressful things have gotten, I always take the time to ask myself “What’s funny about this?” or “Where is the humor in this?” It makes life a lot more tolerable.
What is one of your most rewarding achievements in life? What goals do you still have?
My most rewarding achievement has been being able to share my life experience in addition to my training and expertise to help people take control of their lives. I basically teach them to find the power they had in them all along, so they can go forth and accomplish amazing things and live a happier life. That’s amazing. I still would like to do more public speaking so I can reach larger groups of people.
What is your not-so-perfect way? What imperfections and quirks create your Identity?
What imperfections and quirks create your Identity? I hate cleaning. I mean, I don’t mind when I am actually in the process of doing it – it is strangely therapeutic, making things nice and neat. But because I like to do work that I feel is important – whether it be my painting, acting or writing – I do find it hard to settle down to do this. It seems like a big time suckage. That’s why maids are the way to go!
How would you complete the phrase “I Love My…?”
Strong will and determination. It has helped me muscle through whatever fears or setbacks that have cropped up from time to time. My natural spirit is quite strong and so I can always fall back on it when I’m feeling a bit shaky. I owe much of that to my parents who always supported me and made me believe in myself.