From the Editor So You're a Parent?

A Miscarriage Made Me a Better Mother

All About Acceptance, Appreciation, and Achieving
Susan Vernicek
Written by Susan Vernicek

Founder of Identity Magazine, Susan Vernicek confesses once again. If you are trying to have children, have had a miscarriage, currently are expecting, or already have children, you may find her experience and vulnerability comforting.

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Founder of Identity Magazine, Susan Vernicek confesses once again. If you are trying to have children, have had a miscarriage, currently are expecting, or already have children, you may find her experience and vulnerability comforting.


Some of you may have heard my latest confession, as I have sprinkled bits and pieces of it throughout the past several months. In this article, I’ll be sharing more secrets and expressing how I am already a better Mother during this second pregnancy than the first pregnancy. I have also listed a few thoughts at the end for all of you first time expecting mothers that I have discovered this second time around.

One thing I have come to understand and believe is that you are a Mother the moment you find out you are pregnant. Some may argue differently, but this is my belief, especially after what I had been through during my first pregnancy.

The truth is I had no clue I was pregnant the first time around. I was in the tail end of planning my wedding where I was exercising more, eating much healthier, stressing, and with all this, losing weight. My body was definitely changing and that was my main reason or excuse for missing my “friend” for so long. I, of course, now know it was all denial because I was scared and felt sinful even though I am not religious. I also felt frustrated that it just may have been what my gut was thinking all along, but I was pushing the possibility further and further away.

I decided to take a few pregnancy tests and after all the tests, the results left us with a 50/50 answer again. Half the results came back negative and the other half positive. Therefore, that gave me more reason to be in denial and go on with my day.

I feel so guilty now knowing that I would deny such a miracle and how I lost that pregnancy because I was mentally a bad mother from the beginning. The doctors said I didn’t do anything wrong, but I know better than that. Our thoughts are extremely powerful and I believe that is why I miscarried.

Now, I am pregnant with twins and have had a whole new attitude since before I even conceived. I even had a few thoughts here and there about having twins—my proven point to how powerful our thoughts are.

If you are thinking about having a baby, currently unsure if you are pregnant, or already expecting a baby, these viewpoints may provide some insight for you.

Responsibility: Take ownership and responsibility no matter what. I’m speaking from my experience, as I know there are many scenarios. I never took ownership and took responsibility too late in the game the first time around. I was holding a miracle and because I didn’t take responsibility, I lost that miracle. Pay attention to your body and intuition and fight that devil of denial. Once you take ownership and responsibility, you can then make the adult decisions and actions you need to make—that goes for any situation in life!

Opinions: So many opinions fly your way once your share your big news on being an expecting mom. Others will tell you what to eat and what not to eat, how to raise kids, to breastfeed, and the list goes on. Respect all those opinions that come your way, but know that you do not have to accept them. Listening to all the opinions and others projecting all their thoughts your way can be overwhelming. You really don’t need any further stress than you already have going on with being the best mom you can be.

Balance: You know what’s good for your body during your pregnancy. Remember to keep in balance with yourself whether it is your exercise, your diet, your attitude and everything else that supports your overall wellbeing. Make sure you do your own research and make your own decisions.

From the get go I was told I was “high risk” and I get that. I was told not to work out as much, not to eat carbs and sugar, and to take it easy. HA! They obviously do not know me, BUT I do respect my body and my babies—therefore I will do what’s best for all 3 of us. I continue to exercise when I feel good and I continue to eat the same foods as I normally do. I have balance and I feel great!

This is your pregnancy and, if in the picture, your significant other’s pregnancy as well. So don’t feel guilty following your own intuition and beliefs. Embrace this miracle journey how you see best!

Pregnant with Twins - 22 weeks

Identity Magazine is all about empowering women to get all A’s in the game of life – Accept. Appreciate. Achieve.™ Every contributor and expert answer the Identity 5 questions in keeping with our theme. As a team, we hope to inspire and motivate ourselves and inspire you to get all A’s.

What have you accepted in your life that took time, physically or mentally?

I am coming to terms with the miscarriage and accepting my how my thoughts and actions resulted in losing a miracle. I do know it could have been much worse, but dealing with this was definitely physically exhausting and now it’s all about working on my mental health moving forward.

What do you appreciate about yourself and within your life?

I appreciate my ability to release my thoughts and emotions and hopefully comforting those who may be going through a similar situation.

What is one of your most rewarding achievements in life? What goals do you still have?

My most rewarding achievement that comes to mind today was my first BoldHer Conference and knowing we have our second BoldHer Conference scheduled for August 21, 2014! The best part is that it’s being sponsored by the #1 wedding venue in the Poconos!

What is your not-so-perfect way? What imperfections and quirks create your Identity?

I have many, but one physical imperfection…my breasts are really different in size. Other imperfections and quirks: my OCD, always cleaning and my energy can be overwhelming because sometimes I do not know how to relax.

How would you complete the phrase “I Love My…?”

I love my mind, body, soul, heart, and my ability to work on personal development.

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About the author

Susan Vernicek

Susan Vernicek

Facts about Susan Vernicek:
• She’s happily married and a mother of twins.

• She’s tried almost every fad diet back in her quick-fix days, admits at age 34 it’s a struggle to work hard on overall balance and is focused on not giving into the unhealthy fads we see daily.

• She’s all natural with natural blonde hair, uneven breasts, a bigger nose, and full of curves that she learns to appreciate more and more each day.

• She had a career where part of her job was staring at herself 40 hours a week manipulating her very own face as well as others.

• She’s the youngest of 7, ranging from 30-50+, an Aunt, Great Aunt and even younger than some of her nieces and nephews!

• She’s traveled and seen over 8 countries and spent a summer in London finding her passion and embracing life.

• She created S&J Identity, Inc. AKA Identity Magazine, having no business background and at the age of 25.

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