Are you a “yes” gal, or a gal that always likes helping out others? Join guest author Julie Barnes as she shares “I Did It and So Can YOU!”
Written by: Julie Barnes
I like to call it paying yourself first. It means putting yourself as a priority. – Barbara Steinmetz
I finally learned to say no. Who knew learning to say this one little word would make such a big difference in my life. Like most women, I was a “yes” gal. Double that, with I also like helping people. And I was a boiling ball of nerves, stomach ache included.
“Julie, do you want to host a jewelry party?” You won’t have to do a thing but get a few snacks.
“Hey Julie, can you drop this package off at UPS while you are out running errands?” I have an account at the store on Mayberry St., on the other side of town.
Can you relate?
Why did I always say yes, when what I really wanted to say was, NO.
I remember the first time I said it. I worried all day. Would the friend I told no, be mad at me? Would she understand that I already had plans? I began to say no more often. The more I did it, the easier it got. I soon realized that by saying no, I was actually putting myself and my needs first. I even started noticing how much happier I was feeling because I wasn’t stressed out from committing to things that I did not want to do.
So…are you ready to learn to say no?
Here are my top five “just say no” rules:
- I’m SO Overwhelmed!
If your calendar is already jammed packed, why would you want to add one more thing to it? All you’re doing ladies when you overbook yourself, is adding more stress to your life. Life in general can be stressful enough without adding more to it. Just say no!
- You Just Don’t Want To!
Have ever said yes to something that you really didn’t want to do? Maybe it’s a party, volunteering, or hosting the book club for the tenth time. These yeses are usually accompanied by a feeling of dread and resentment as the day draws near. Just say no!
- Your Favorite Things!
You’ve been patiently waiting for Saturday to arrive because you get to have your first day all to yourself in months and you are going to spend the whole day doing all of your favorite things.
Saturday comes and the phone rings. It’s Peggy with…a volunteer did not show up, can you come take her place and you say…yes. Your heart sinks as you grab your things and rush out the door. Just say no!
- They Always Seem To Ask You!
Do you always feel like you’re the one being called when something goes wrong? Could it be that you are always saying yes to whatever is going on? If you’re starting to feel taken for granted, just say no!
- The Drama Queen
It’s Friday night and you are enjoying a quiet movie with your husband when your phone starts blowing up. It’s “that” girlfriend. You know the one who always seems to have some kind of major issue going on. A break-up, money issues, another friend done her wrong. You love being there for your friends, but this has to stop. Just say no!
I know this can be a process, so when you’re having trouble saying no, remember…
When you say no, you are actually putting yourself first, plus it’s great for your health and overall well-being because you’ll be eliminating the added stress, worry, dread and resentment that comes from saying yes to everyone and everything.
Your family and everyone around you will be much happier too, because you won’t be running everywhere, all stressed out, trying to get your long list of to-do’s and commitment’s done.
I’m proud to say that I learned to say no and I show my friends and family the same respect. If I ask them to do something with me, or for me and they say no, for whatever reason. I honor and respect that because I know they are putting themselves first. You are also setting an amazing example for the women around you. It’s like paying it forward.
So go out and say no today!
Identity Magazine is all about empowering women to get all A’s in the game of life – Accept. Appreciate. Achieve.™ Every contributor and expert answer the Identity 5 questions in keeping with our theme. As a team, we hope to inspire and motivate ourselves and inspire you to get all A’s.
What have you accepted in your life that took time, physically or mentally?
Sadly, I lost my son, Chris, five years ago. It took time, mentally, for me to accept losing my son and life I as knew it. It took time, physically, to get my health back on track. Experiencing such grief really takes a toll on your body.
What do you appreciate about yourself and within your life?
My sense of humor and laughing with my husband, Ron. I love that I’m a book nerd and have about five books going at a time. I’m caring and compassionate. I love that I live in sunny California with the beautiful weather. Dancing around the house to disco music. Trying new things. My sassy cat, Sammy. And I love driving around with the sun-roof open, windows down and my stereo blasting with rock n’ roll music.
What is one of your most rewarding achievements in life? What goals do you still have?
That I was able to find the gifts in my heartbreak and loss and become a life coach to help and inspire women.
Finish my book, hit the speaking stage, and do TV sharing my message of hope.
What is your not-so-perfect way? What imperfections and quirks create your Identity?
I don’t like walking around bare foot, so I’m always in some kind of shoes… flip-flops, Uggs, or tennis shoes. I like things neat and tidy. I’m both creative and analytical. I like my routines.
How would you complete the phrase “I Love My…?”
Julie Barnes started ClaimYourShine.com to help women find their purpose and overcome heartbreak and loss. After experiencing a devastating tragedy, Julie learned how to move beyond her grief and into a brighter future.