Welcome to The D Spot’s Sponsored “Extraordinary Love” Column. Our company values our community and believes that it is important to continue to support one another. Each month a woman from The D Spot community will be featured and sharing her story in hopes to inspire you to continue to have extraordinary love or to find and receive extraordinary love. If you have any questions or concerns, please contact Laura at The D Spot.
Getting to know Tara, her story and how The D Spot community has supported her!
Please share your marriage/divorce story and how you found The D Spot Community?
I should have known it wasn’t a good idea to marry the boy who used to tease me in elementary school. But, like so many, I thought I was supposed to get married, and therefore we took the next logical step in our adult relationship. It didn’t take long for our lack of compatibility to make itself known. After a year and a half of marriage, I embarked on a cooperative divorce experience which left me feeling ecstatically liberated and eager to begin anew. A few years later, I was still so happy about my experience that I began blogging— and that’s where I encountered Laura and The D-Spot.
How has The D Spot Community helped you move through difficult times?
Following my divorce, I spent five years as the partner of a divorced dad. In November of 2011, that partnership ended abruptly and the destruction of the family left me broken. At a time when I felt like I constantly needed to be propped up by others, The D-Spot community was a resource I could count on. During my coaching with Laura, I felt understood. Recordings of the D-Spot teleclasses kept me motivated and the Are You Ready workshop provided me with the blueprint to build a foundation under the Ideal Life I dreamed of.
What advice would you give to a woman that may be going through a divorce?
Hating isn’t healing. It’s easy to get angry and go to war, but that’s neither healthy nor productive. Surrender to the circumstances and ride the waves of grief and gratitude as they come. Be open to learning throughout the experience and trust that “this, too, shall pass.”
What has been your biggest achievement through this process?
Cultivating compassion and forgiving the people who hurt me.
What were your initial steps into making the decision to fight for extraordinary love in your life?
My first step in making the decision to fight was to stop fighting. I had to stop fighting with my ex, myself and the myriad of decisions I had to make. Before I could move forward, I had to become quiet and look within to discover who I was and what I truly wanted.
In keeping with the Identity theme, Tara answers the Identity 5:
What have you accepted in your life that took time, physically or mentally?
I’ve accepted the fact that I’m only responsible for myself and my actions. I can’t fix, change or punish anyone else.
What do you appreciate about yourself and within your life?
I appreciate my open mind. Every experience I have and every person I meet affords me the opportunity to learn and grow. Sometimes it’s a painful process, but we all need a little pruning now and then.
What is one of your most rewarding achievements in life? What goals do you still have?
I recently published my first book, The D-Word: Divorce Through a Child’s Eyes. My hope is that this novel will provide useful insight to divorcing parents and in turn inspire a healthier approach to evolving a family. “Good Divorce” is my passion and I’d like to continue sharing my vision through additional writing, speaking and coaching.
What is your not-so-perfect way? What imperfections and quirks create your Identity?
I’m not very outgoing. I feel awkward in social situations and I can be quite reserved around people I don’t know. Conversely, I can be loud and abrasively opinionated around people I do know. Also, I don’t eat the ends of French fries. I kiss every frog I catch. And I prefer odd numbers to even ones, with the exception of those ending in 5.
How would you complete the phrase “I Love My…?”
I love my Self. It’s the hardest thing, because we’re so hard on ourselves. But I found that when I could love and accept myself as I am, that love strengthens me and radiates outward, warming all other aspects of my life.