Many are afraid of change. Some refuse to embrace it and prefer to be set in their ways. But with change comes growth, and with growth comes the possibility for a person to reach their full potential. Relationships can change a person, but we must first understand that it is perfectly alright to change, despite what some might say. Embrace change in your love life, and with that love may be a new identity.
By Tonya Vrba
What is love? Never change for someone else. We hear this so often that the mantra is practically tattooed on our brain. Somehow, many of us have become brainwashed into thinking we shouldn’t ever change for a relationship. Not only is this notion wrong, but it can prevent you from appreciating your relationship and finding the love you deserve.
I am not saying you must change in a relationship or that you must be open to change in every way. There are religious convictions or expectations for love we all hold dear. If you want to wait until you are in love or married before you have sex, stick to that. If you don’t want to have any kids, stick to that as well. We all have things which are held dear. Make a list of five to 10 must-haves and be open to all the other possibilities.
There are so many people out there who think they will stay the same throughout a relationship. In refusing to change, we refuse to grow. If there is no growth, then how can you expect to grow together?
Most of us know at least a few people who have obvious defects when it comes to relationships. They may lack maturity and continue to act as they did in high school or college. Others may be horrendously picky and refuse to date anyone who doesn’t meet their ridiculously high standards.
Imagine the one who is immature starts to date someone who is particularly passionate about a few issues. Like all of us, the person seeks to share his interests with the new girl he is dating. What happens when he takes her to view a documentary about the environment or starvation? Will she laugh it off as a bad movie with a predictably plotline or dismiss it because she doesn’t care to understand what the documentary was about? A better reaction would be to listen and learn from both the film and her date. Maybe she might even change and start recycling and donating to homeless shelters. It all really depends on how she interprets changing for someone else.
No one ever has to change for someone, but it is often very healthy to change because of someone else. Perhaps you never wanted to live in a city, but started dating someone who lives in Chicago. After a while, you find that you actually love the city.
We are not meant to sacrifice all we are for a relationship, but at the same time we cannot not expect someone else to sacrifice all they are for us. This world has over seven billion people in it. The idea that there is only one person you can be happy with is a fantasy, in my opinion. Equally mythological is the idea that no matter who you are or what characteristics define you, you will find love.
If you are mean, selfish, insecure, picky or desperate, the chances you will find love are slim. Do you deserve love? Of course, we all do. Instead of looking for someone who will put up with you, look for someone who will make you want to be a better person. This may mean falling in love with someone who isn’t perfectly fit or who hates video games. Treat others the way you want to be treated. Love others the way you want to be loved. Most importantly, keep your heart open to all the beautiful possibilities this world has to offer and appreciate all the ways you change and grow with whomever you love.
Tonya Vrba is a passionate writer. Her work has been published in newspapers and blogs. She writes frequently about health, career and dating issues. Tonya currently writes with The Online Dating Site Blog. Learn more about her work at her personal website.