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Intimate Q&A: Getting the Most Out of Your Relationship, Both In and Out of the Bedroom

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Relationships can be complicated. Identity wants to help relieve some of the stress by answering your questions. Lisa Velazquez has the answers you may need in order to figure out everything that your relationship or your sex life may throw your way.

Lisa Velazquez

QUESTION: Do you think it’s ok to fake an orgasm when I am having sex with my boyfriend? It’s just that some nights it just doesn’t happen for me. I just don’t want to hurt his feelings, because he loves me and loves to please me. What do you think I should do? Carolyn 24, NYC

Although you have good intentions, faking an orgasm will only lead to problems in the long run for your sex life and your relationship. The last thing you want to do is condition your boyfriend into NOT pleasing you. I recommend that you be honest with him and tell him what makes you feel good rather than misleading him. Tell him where to touch you, the positions that give you the most pleasure, etc.

If the issue is that just you are too stressed and tired then relax and let him please you by giving you oral sex or ask him to give you a massage. Sexual intercourse doesn’t have to be the only way he pleases you physically. Having the man you love touch you sensually with the intent to please you is erotic. Trust me, these moments of sincere honesty and owning your needs will strengthen the intimacy in your relationship.

QUESTION: I am dating a guy that has been complaining about wearing condoms. He said that he doesn’t feel anything when he wears one. What can I do to make wearing condoms feel better for him? – Jasmine 25, NYC

Men often complain that condoms decrease sensitivity for them (some men swear that they cannot feel anything at all!) However ladies, don’t ever let this discourage you from making a man wear one. One tip on how you can enhance feeling is to put a drop of water based lubricant inside the condom before he puts the condom on (or you can put the condom on him to spice things up a bit).

Also, experiment with different types of condoms and be sure to make this a fun activity. I would recommend that you try ultra-thin and extra sensitive latex condoms (instead of the white opaque latex condoms), as they have been known to feel better to men and are still as strong as any other condom. Also, try different shapes and sizes, contoured for a better fit. Also, if you or your partner is allergic to latex you can try polyurethane condoms, which are made for those who suffer from latex allergies. Have fun and never compromise your sexual health for anyone.

QUESTION: I heard that it’s good for my sexual health to pee after I have sex. Whenever I finish having sex I do have the urge to pee. But I always hold it because I don’t want to ruin my post-sex cuddle or turn off my boyfriend by bringing up the fact that I need to pee. What should I do? – Jennifer 30, NYC

Great question! Hey Jennifer, do you know what can really ruin a post-sex cuddle? Holding in your pee!

Seriously, imagine how relaxed you will feel after you urinate. Don’t worry about your boyfriend becoming turned off by telling him that you have to pee. After all, you just exchanged bodily fluids with him. Here’s my sexy tip for you: just kiss him passionately and afterwards in your most sexy voice tell him that you’ll be right back. Then smile seductively and walk away sensually.

Remember ladies, when you urinate after sex this will clear your urethra of any bacteria that may have entered it from contact with your sexual partner. Any bacteria that gets into the urethra during sexual intercourse is a major cause of urinary tract infections, so you can surely reduce your risk by making a quick trip to the ladies room after sex.

QUESTION: I am going on vacation with my boyfriend in the summer and I am really excited about experiencing sex in the Jacuzzi in our suite. We are going to be using condoms. Is it safe to wear a condom in water? – Devin 33, NJ

I do not recommend that you use condoms in the Jacuzzi. Jacuzzis and even pools contain chemicals such as chlorine that would damage condoms. In fact, chemicals such as shampoos, bath oils and even oil-based lubricants (use water-based lubricants only) would have the same adverse effects. Be cautious if you decide to have sex in the shower by cleaning up and removing these items before you have sex to assure that they do not come into contact with the condom.

Also, there is the high risk of the condom coming off once it is submerged in water. I know this may all seem like a downer, but it’s really not worth the risk. You have decided to use condoms for a reason and you should honor that choice. I am sure that there are plenty of exciting (dry) places to have sex in your suite. Stick to having sex “up against the hot tub” instead of in it.





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About the author



Identity is a National online magazine that empowers women to Accept. Appreciate. Achieve.™ Through a hand-selected team of writers and expert Q & A columns, our mission is to empower women to get all A’s in the game of life by accepting, appreciating, and achieving. We believe that once you accept a situation or circumstance and show gratitude and appreciation for what you currently have, it is then that you can achieve at a greater level within yourself and your life.

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