By Deb Ling
I am an ex-abuse victim that grew to hate myself. I had migraines for 21 years. I only had a few friends because I was a tough person to be
around. Very few people could handle my constant attitude.
I became a
bartender, and even though I was only 5'1" and 100 pounds, no one
messed with me. I carried a cue stick that broke down into half its
size and it had a lead ball end in it. I was willing to use it if I
needed to protect myself in the bar. But how I spoke (unrepeatable) kept the drunks in line. I was one tough cookie that could even talk
down an Army Sergeant.
No, I did not appreciate myself.
Then circumstances moved me across country and I hooked up with some Christians. I had been saved when I was younger, but backslid. So now,
I hooked up with them, and needless to say I was rough around the
By this time I was a single mom with a teenage son. He and
I were close, and it was raising him that kept me from going over the
edge. He kept me from doing stupid things. I would always remind
myself that I had to take care of him. If there was no other reason on
earth for me to be here, it was to raise him.
He is now a great dad with two children of his own.
Starting to walk with Christians and getting my act together as a Christian did not exactly help me appreciate myself. It actually pointed out how far off the mark I was. Ouch!
For a couple of years, I just plodded along doing the things that Christians do. I was very
active in my church. I was a greeter, a substitute teacher in the
school we had, secretary to the pastor, always getting a part in the
plays we produced, etc., but I still had issues.
Finally, I got really sick of myself and cried out to the Lord. He took
me through three months of intensive teaching. Dealing with my past, I learned to forgive others, as well as myself, and my mom who had not kept me safe.
I learned to like myself for who I had become and leaving
behind all the pain. I was being able to talk about it with insight instead
of it being like a movie I had seen. Today I like and appreciate myself.
I documented all the Lord taught me and put it together in a book. I teach those principals to other women that have been abused.
Here is the link to my eBook: http://victimsofabuse.webs.com