Women's Interest

EnerGcoaching Q&A – December

ellen-goldmanEllen Goldman EnerGcoaching


I’ve been out of work for a few months, and am beginning to feel sad and lethargic.  At first I was working at looking for a new job everyday, but now I can’t seem to force myself to even look at the want ads once a week.  I’ve gained five pounds, feel sluggish and bored.  I sleep too late, watch TV, and just feel unmotivated to do anything.  How can I get back on track to job search, and get back into the world of the living?


It is very hard to keep an upbeat attitude and motivated to stay in the job search when you have experienced months of rejection.  However, be kind to yourself, and remember that it is a difficult time for anyone job hunting.  That being said, it’s all the more reason why you’ll need to put your best self forward when opportunity does come knocking.  My first suggestion would be to create a daily schedule for yourself.  Right now, your job is to job hunt.  So, attempt to go to bed and get up at the same time each weekday, as if you were going to work.  Start your day with a workout, and you’ll immediately begin to feel better, emotionally and physically.  Create a list of tasks to do each day, and spend a couple of hours at your desk going through them.  Check want ads, send out resumes, go to networking meetings and let people know the field you are looking into working in.  Consider doing some volunteer work.  Aside from creating a reason to get up and out, it will look much better on your resume than a blank period of time.  Behavioral scientist have shown that people who volunteer having a higher self-esteem, are happier and more optimistic.  Great traits to keep you going through these tough times.  Lastly, make sure you put a few social things on your calendar each week and force yourself to go even if you don’t feel like it.  The more you are out, the better you’ll feel, and the greater the chances of connecting with someone who just might know about the perfect job for you.


The holiday season is coming, and I am in a panic.  Even though I promise myself I won’t, I always gain weight between Thanksgiving and New Years.  There are festive foods in my office, my kids want to bake holiday cookies (which I can’t resist), I receive food gifts from friends and business associates, and of course there are all those holiday parties and dinners.  With the added pressure of buying gifts and fitting in all the social engagements, my exercise routine slips as well.  Help!  I don’t want to spend the beginning of the new year struggling to take off the added weight.  Any suggestions?


Absolutely!  But before I give you loads of tips and ideas, ask yourself these questions.  How important is it to you that you start off the new year feeling healthy and fit?  What is your inner voice telling you? – If you are telling yourself that you always gain weight and you will this year too, you probably will.  Make a declaration right now that feels positive and exciting to you, such as, “It is important to me that I feel fit, healthy and strong all year long no matter what the season, and I will do what needs to be done to get through the holidays feeling that way!”  Now, begin to plan.  Take a look at your calendar and start scheduling in the time to shop for gifts early or on-line.  Rearrange your exercise sessions to mornings or lunch hour if you have many evening holiday obligations.  Never show up at parties hungry.  Keep to your healthy eating plan.  When you do indulge in holiday treats, make sure it’s what you love, not just something you take because it represents the holidays.  Regift some of the food gifts, and package up some of the holiday cookies you bake and give them away.  Be creative, and figure out what makes sense for your lifestyle. Keep your goal in mind – to maintain your current weight throughout the holiday season.  Now create a plan that will help you do so. It begins with the mind shift first!  Then your behavior will change.


I know that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, but lately I wake up and I’m just not hungry.  Actually, some mornings, I still feel stuffed, as though I have just eaten.  I’ve taken to skipping breakfast, but then I am ravenous by lunchtime, and tend to overeat.  What’s going on?


If you are waking lacking in appetite and feeling stuffed, there’s a good chance you are taking in too many calories too late at night.  Has something about your schedule changed?  Are you working later, eating dinner later, and then heading straight to bed?  Or perhaps you are staying up late munching on snacks.  In either case, you not giving you body a chance to use the food as fuel, since sleep requires so little.  Try shifting to an earlier dinner hour, and avoid eating for two to three hours before going to sleep.  If that’s not possible, think about making lunch your main meal of the day, and eat a much lighter dinner.  Some find it helpful to think breakfast foods for dinner.  A bowl of cereal and milk or scrambled eggs will take away the hunger without forcing the body to digest a heavy meal when it’s closing down for slumber.  In the morning, eat something within 60 minutes of waking, even if it’s just a small piece of fruit or piece of toast.  Then plan for a mid-morning healthy snack or second more substantial breakfast a few hours later.  That should help with the out of control hunger at lunch time.  If after trying some of the above suggestions, you still find yourself uncomfortably full upon waking, mention it to your doctor to rule out any medical digestive disorders.


A few years ago I decided to embark on a healthy lifestyle journey.  I began exercising for the first time, and now I love it and look forward to my weekly workouts.  I’ve changed my diet to include fresh fruits and veggies, lean protein and only healthy fats, and I’ve practically eliminated all processed foods from my diet.  I refuse to skimp on sleep, and get 7-8 hours almost every night.  My problem is my husband is not so keen on my new regimen.  He complains there is nothing in the house he enjoys eating,  that I’m no fun because I won’t hang at the local bar where we used to meet our friends several nights a week, and I’m always at the gym.  I love my husband, and I don’t want to fight about this, but I feel too great to ever go back to our old ways.  How can I stay healthy and keep my marriage healthy too?


Sounds like it’s time for some open and honest communication, and some compromise.  But before rushing in to state your case and defend your new lifestyle, take a look in the mirror and ask yourself some honest questions.  Have you begun to preach and nag at your husband, desperately trying to convince him to adopt your ways?  Do you brush off social engagements to go to the gym, or complain if he goes out to the bar without you?  Any chance you comment on his food choices when they are what you now declare off limits?  If you answer yes to any of these, it’s time to remember where you were before you changed your habits.  How kindly would you take to others criticizing your choices.  Keep in mind everyone must come to their own decisions in their own time.  Once you decide that you will accept where your husband is at this time, hold fast to others learning from your quiet example.  By all means share how great you are feeling, but don’t preach.  Let him know how important sticking to your new habits are, but brainstorm ideas of where you can compromise and both end up happy.  Look for the win-win.  Head to the gym at times that won’t interfere with your social life or couple time.  Tell your husband he can shop for the foods he wants and give him his own cabinet or drawer.  Perhaps going out late on the weekends will work, and catching a quick power nap in the afternoon.  By working together you’ll find a way that will support both your lifestyles and your marriage. 



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Identity is a National online magazine that empowers women to Accept. Appreciate. Achieve.™ Through a hand-selected team of writers and expert Q & A columns, our mission is to empower women to get all A’s in the game of life by accepting, appreciating, and achieving. We believe that once you accept a situation or circumstance and show gratitude and appreciation for what you currently have, it is then that you can achieve at a greater level within yourself and your life.

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