Life Transitions - Introduction

Life Transitions,  Carol Gonzalez will focus on the natural and not-so natural stages of our lives.  Each issue I’ll spotlight a particular transition.  From graduating from college, getting married, having a baby, or helping your child get ready to leave the nest, I’ll provide Identity readers with practical advice, tips and resources that I’ve learned over the years.  With over 20 years in corporate America, 21+ years of marriage and three children ranging from 7-18, I’ve transitioned a lot!  I’ll also look to Identity readers to share how you navigated those transitions too.

In last month’s issue of Identity I was inspired by “Francesca’s “Foam Breasts.”  She had the courage to share with her readers about her “Not so Perfect” breasts and she came to appreciate them. This month I’m sharing a very personal experience that I have not told many people.  I was fired.  It was a source of great embarrassment for me at the time, but I have a learned a great deal from the experience.  I want to share with the Identity readers my story, how I handled it, what I learned and what you can do if you’re in a similar situation.

Please hand in your belongings and go to Personnel

My husband and I were very excited. We just bought our first house.  We had a little girl and life was good.  My husband’s career was moving on a successful trajectory.  I gave notice to my job in NYC and started looking in New Jersey.  I was confident in my abilities and landed a job fairly quickly.  It was five minutes from home and they even had an onsite daycare center!  I could visit my daughter during my lunch hour; which was very comforting for me as young mom who was reluctant to have strangers watch her daughter.

My daughter and I settled into a routine and she adjusted socially without any issues.  I was thinking how fortunate I was to have a job and my daughter doing so well.  But then she got sick, A LOT. She finally got the Chicken Pox and she had to be out of the center for at least 7-10 days until she was no longer contagious.  I freaked out.  I didn’t know anybody who could watch Allie and all our family lived in New York.   I had no choice but to call in sick where I used my sick days and then some.

I was a nervous wreck and concerned what my employer would think.  I went to work on the weekends, catching up on work.  I thought this was good, I was responsible, got the work done, and did it on my time.  WRONG.  I came to work on one Monday and I was asked to hand in my belongings!

I was initially shocked, upset, and then, just plain angry.  Why did this happen to me?

So, after some soul searching, I learned that I was ultimately responsible for what happened.  It was a humbling experience.  I was determined to learn from this.  There are a number of things I could have done differently.

• Listened to my inner voice, female intuition and acted on it.
• Contacted Employee Assistance Program (EAP) and spoke with a counselor that could coach me through a discussion with my manager or HR.
• Had a discussion with my manager or HR to discuss the situation, explain alternative solutions to getting the job done, and express concern about my absenteeism.
• Contacted a local municipality to see if they had any resources.
• Contacted a local church to see if they knew of anyone that watched children.
• Had emergency back-up care in place; Mom or Dad for the week.
• Had a support system of friends to guide me through, to give advice or to provide moral support aka networking!

This all makes sense now from the perspective of hindsight and experience.  I made the decisions that led to my firing based on who I was at the time. It’s hard to say whether or not these actions would have made a difference.  Back then, resources and advice for working parents were scarce and many employers weren’t quite supportive.  But the lesson learned is the act of seeking out advice and developing the support system.

What can you do if you find yourself in this situation? • Call your benefits department and find out what benefits / resources are available, in particular, EAP, Resource and Referral Agencies (R&R), and Emergency Back-Up Care.  EAPs have counselors that you can speak with in confidence and coach you.  R&R will do the research for you and find care in the area, if it’s available.  Emergency Back-Up Care is a service that provides care when your regular care falls through. • Tap into your support system of friends, family, coaches, mentors and ask for advice.  Chances are they know someone who has gone through it. • Ask the Identity experts!  Ask me! There are resources abound. • Talk to HR and try to come up with a solution together about how to address the problem. Maybe you can work from home temporarily or try an alternative schedule.  What other leave programs does your company have?  See if you’re eligible for the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) that guarantees time off up to 12 weeks to care for a family member.  There are state FMLA provisions that vary from state to state too. • Use your accrued time – some companies have Paid Time Off (PTO) banks of time with no restrictions on how and when to use the days. • Find a company that is family-friendly and found out how they support their employees. • Search the internet.  It is an amazing resource and at your fingertips.

So, you may say that these tips are all well  and good but how effective are they when we are in the worse economic downfall since the Depression?   Guess what?  These tips are fundamental and valid even in bad times. So, you may ask, do I risk rocking the boat by being so proactive??   Only you can answer that question.  Only you can determine what is important to you. If being in a company that is supportive, understands your value and respects you as a person is important, then you will seek companies with a similar culture.

I believe that it is important and that is why I consult with corporations on how to develop strategies and programs that support employees while saving money for employers. And in my free time I mentor women in their careers.  Ironically being fired was the best thing that ever happened to me for my career.  I developed a passion for work/life and made a profession out of it.  I learned to accept that I made a mistake, to appreciate that I could learn from it and to achieve by helping others along the way.

Our next topic will be on Career Transitions with this time of the year where millions are graduating.  I thought it would appropriate to highlight the transition from New Graduate to the Real World.

Be Sociable, Share!

•